I am overwhelm.

I am overwhelm I thought. Feels like a fork in the road with more paths than make sense and you feel like you have to be on all of them, yesterday.

Let me back up.

I am possibility. Feels like an invitation into what could be, what I could accomplish, what I could learn, what I could create.

Yuck. One more time.

I am open.

Better. And breathe.

There is so much I want to do (or believe I should do) that I slink into myself filled with overwhelm and exhaustion. A summer circus.

I am safe.

Back to the root chakra need to remember my safety.

A few things have shaken me up recently and I'm needing a return to a schedule and I don't want it and I crave space.

I am space.

In that space I may contract. In that space I may cry. In that space I may need five naps. In that space I may feel pressed. In that space my boundaries are mine.

In that space I go out of the way to the store that sells my non-dairy creamer, the one that I ran out of for the last two days. Things like that feel like the cherry on top of the chaotic overwhelm that I've weaved.

I don't want this. I don't want that to happen. I don't want that to be true.

Echoes in my head. Fighting against things that aren't mine.

More than anything I am so tired for no reason at all and learning to be OK with that. Because of course there are reasons and they don't matter and they matter.

You cannot find white vinegar anywhere around here, everyone is making pickles. I need it to kill poison ivy. I use apple cider vinegar for my pickles. Delicious.

There are so many cucumbers. Bowls and bowls of cucumbers.

I know this place. Where I have to figure things out and I run out of cream for my coffee and I've spent double on groceries and the kids still seem to need more.

This place where I allow what is happening for others to effect my experience, to direct it. This place where I start to think dark things about myself. This place where what needs to get done, doesn't.

I am walking overwhelm I thought.

I remember, this is a pattern. This is a place I know. I visit here. I create this place I visit.

Today I will look for the space. I will enjoy the sips of coffee with the cream I almost forgot at the store when I only went in for that and rice and during checkout my cart was filled and the cream was forgotten.

I'll eat some rice with the veggies from the garden. I'll make more pickles. I'll state what I need rather than doing for someone else. I'll wash my hair, maybe.

Probably not.

Better.

And breathe.

xo