Eli Turns Fifteen

Twelve years ago I started a blog with a post titled, “Eli Turns Three.” Remember, blogging?

I’ve decided after a month off for the first time in twelve years and a world cracking open and a virus continuing to threaten, that I will return. To the simplicity of blogging. To recording little thoughts and moments. To tracking projects, books, things I’m learning, what the kids are discovering.

I’ve spent the last twelve years building a business from a blog, from a Health Coaching background and I am profoundly changed and changing from the events of the last few months. I am profoundly changed from letting all the pressure of creating and gaining followers and sign ups and a sort of performative living go. Just go. I am profoundly changing (please let us all be) from the Black Lives Matter movement. I am profoundly changing from being a mother to teens. I am profoundly changed by sobriety.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just snuggle my babies. I tell Eli I love him all the time and he still is willing to say it back. I imagine he always will. He has five friends over and they have played every sport and roasted hot dogs on the fire and each eaten at least four a piece. Because of Covid the friend visits are outside and we don’t know how long we’ll be able to allow them to continue. For now, they are healing and lifting for the kids.

I don’t think they will be back in school for the fall. I have deep sadness around that and also some selfish mama enjoyment of having all this extra time with them. I’ve been thinking about the connection of the world of Corona and the anti-racism movement and the voices and outrage and protests and I have to believe one was made possible by the other.

I feel rusty, having not written for a month now.

As a mom, I feel more connected.

As a human, I feel pain and faith.

I’ll be over here blogging, sharing the progress of a renovation project Dave and I are doing and that is feeling like something we should be doing for a living. I’ll be sharing the work we are doing around choosing anti-racism through education and action. I’ll be gardening, completely ignorant and learning as I go to create a more sustainable home for my family. I’ll be working on a neighborhood flower cutting garden (I thought it would be done by now but digging up grass has proven wildly hard).

I’d love to know how you are. What you are doing? How can I be of service in the months to come as I plan for what is next?

Also, remember being 15?

It is a wild ride. I love being on it together.

All my love, H