Why my Gossip Girl addiction is changing my life.

At a conference in July I asked my friends, all of them coaches of various sorts, what my next Netflix show should be. They all said Gossip Girl.

It took about 5 minutes to become obsessed with this soap opera of a drama that has like 5 or 6 seasons waiting to be devoured by the part of my brain that needs a break from reality.

What has happened midway through season 2 surprised me.**

1. I believe that I can wear heels all day long, everywhere I go. I also believe I must own hot pink and bright red heels. My feet are covered in blisters.

2. I started to wear blue eyeshadow.

3. When I feel down I go to text Dan or Vanessa and realize they aren't in my phone.

4. In the morning I wake up and wait for fresh fruit and muffins to be delivered with my coffee and they never arrive. As this is the only meal of the day followed by martinis and champagne. I am kind of starving.

5. I am shopping around for martini glasses because drinking them out of wine glasses is horrid and your calories after breakfast should be consumed with class. Wearing heels.

6. I keep checking my calendar for when I am going to Europe. But really, I probably will just grab my ticket the day I decide to go. I have some new heels for the occasion.

7. I realize that I wear an outfit more than once and question this reality. I want all my shirts to show my cleavage. Big sunglasses are a must everywhere I go.

8. Rufus. I don't know. Just Rufus. And that guitar.

9. I wonder why all my friends and I don't exchange partners on a weekly basis. I guess maybe it is our kids. Nope, that can't be it.

10. When I dream at night Chuck Bass sometimes visits. We like drama. And we have so many seasons left to explore it.

** If you do not watch Gossip Girl, and this is probably for the best, well...I am only on season 2!

Spirits of Joy ~ 30 days visioning you

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What:: 30 Days of Joy Up Soulwork Prompts for Creating A Vision Book and connecting back to you!

When:: September 1st, 2013

How:: An email each day for 30 days with a Vision Book prompt and some story telling from me, including videos from myself and some of my friends who are rocking their visions!

Soulwork is about connection to self, to the now and that future woman we see and want to flow into.

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Allowing ourselves to make what become vision books, is powerful. We come alive as we find a part of ourselves that has been lost or longing to come out. These prompts not only become part of our books, but our daily thoughts and often allow our writing practice to expand and gain depth.

Through daily vision work you can allow each day to guide you towards living joyously, even when things are hard or challenges arise.

Know yourself. Use these prompts to spend time with yourself. To light up in a new way. To discover a you that may have hidden out, buried by the stresses of daily living.

Create pages filled with words and visions and feelings that surround them. As you do this you harness the true magic of the Universe. You vibrate in a new way. These books become a way for you to align what you want with what you have. They create manifesting magic in your life.

Visioning allows you to love this life now while creating a future of your dreams.

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Soulwork will prompt you into new places and ideas, it will ask you to push beyond that safe place and dip into seeing truth, beauty, connection, love, joy, dreams and ritual.

• 30 days of prompts.

• 30 days of soulwork.

• 30 days of creative exploration.

• 30 days of you.

• 30 days to creating a vision book.

• 30 days of connection to spirit.

• 30 days of the gift of joy.

Number 39

"I am missing Hannah's daily emails, it had become part of my morning ritual. I would read them on my cell phone before getting out of bed every morning. Then lay here quietly reflecting on them before beginning anything else."

"I have had so many little insights into me & my joy. I appreciate you and the tribe more than I can say ~ Namaste ~ Love to all " ♥

"Hannah, this beautiful journey has grown through love. Your love, that you share with all of us."

"I have included reading my prompts and taking the time to process your beautiful words in my ritual. So inspiring and a lovely way with a cup of tea to start my day. Please don't let me miss the next program. Thank you for changing my mornings. xxx"

"It is my turn to thank you (and everyone) for the tasks and gracious love that is here in this tribe."

"Thank you, dear soul...this month has been life changing for me."

"I am a believer now. A believer of visioning."

There is a closed Facebook group just for those of you working through these 30 days. You can share pictures, thoughts, aha moments and see the daily journey of soulwork from others who are going through the days. Totally optional but a beautiful way to connect.

free vision page

I've been visioning since I was young. As a highly-senstive child (who never knew that term) I had a brutal time dealing with my feelings. I felt overun by sensations and sadness and joy and every possible feeling you could have. One of the ways I learned to 'see' those feelings was to cut and paste. To go into a magazine and let the words and images talk to me.

Now I find it is the way I center. It is how I allow myself to know my dreams. It is how I manifest from a feeling into reality. It is a safe space to receive messages and words from the Universe through these magazines and let myself feel without fear.

Each time I complete a new page I want to stare at it for hours, sometimes I make free pages and hang them on the wall.

Vision books help us write new stories, chapters and pages for our lives. We don't have to stay stuck or in fear. We can step into our light. Maybe it seems crazy that a little book full of magazine cut outs can help us heal and create beauty in our lives. A little crazy never hurt! Let's play...

PicMonkey Collage chels and i am

Spirits of Joy - 30 Days of Prompts

Questions you might have::

Is this a journaling course? Nope, I've never been good at keeping a journal so I wouldn't be the one to guide you to that. But I do love prompts, writing exploration, vision board work and art books. I love cutting and pasting and exploring. This is about creativity and using our right brain to deepen our joy.

What if I'm not creative? What if? Hm, I think you might surprise yourself.

I've never been able to fully participate in long e-courses. What if I can't keep up? I don't keep up with the pace of others either. I do things at my own pace. You'll have all the emails that come to save and use for any time you'd like. Take your time, read the first 5, join in at the end. Whatever works for you. It is your 30 days.

Can I participate without keeping a book? Sure thing. Sometimes just being present to the thoughts and prompts is all you need. This is about you. Not me or them. What feels good to you? You can also create a vision board, a big huge poster of your thoughts and cut outs, a piece of art to hang on the wall. The beauty of creation is all yours.

What will I need? A blank book, I like this one, I love the gray and the kraft color, this one has a pocket to store your little cut outs for later and they come in many different sizes. Scissors, a glue stick and lots of magazines and old cards, quotes, etc will be needed.  A little time and space that you can carve out for you. If you have kids have them be part of this, get them each a book so that if you are short on alone, time you can still do some visioning each day.

I have taken this course before, is it the same? Yes and no. It will follow many of the same prompts. New videos and prompts will be added. What I can say is that every time I go back into my book and do my prompts again, the new layers appear. I am amazed at how quickly I can manifest the feelings and the visions. And of course, each group that comes together provides the magic that a course never can on its own.

Spirits of Joy - 30 Days of Prompts

 

#MeetMeAtTheLoft

To be clear, I am making this all up with each vision. The Loft, my best 3am wake-up, the decision that would begin my process of healing and rediscovery and give me physical space to hold others inside of healing and rediscovery.

I remember sitting inside her walls on the one piece of furniture and praying that The Loft, this leap of faith would not be a fuck up. I prayed that I realize all that I visioned and for surprises and trust and adventures.

In a sort of surrender to the next move, I find myself in her embrace. She is magical.

I hope that one day you will #MeetMeAtTheLoft

A weekend called, "Lift Up" where I gathered my friends, my soul-team and we dined on gorgeous plates, went out adventuring, co-worked on the living room floor and had our rather epic skinny dip. The "Lift Up" details I'll keep private but I believe that we each left the weekend feeling more loved, whole, real, right, playful and beautiful than when we arrived.

I have visioned living like this. Now I do. Now I can invite others to and inspire women to create their own circles of joy and lifting. It ripples. It pays forward in the most healing of ways.

Turning my attention to the downstairs, a desk set up and an entire wall to tape inspirations and press on sticky notes. I am in heaven. There is space enough for a small yoga class or a large circle. The bed feels like a cloud and the twinkles go on and on and on.

I have been visioning the space and slowly am finding the treasures that it will hold. I want you to feel seduced when you walk into this space. Seduction towards falling into yourself. Learning something that comes from the eyes or the yes of another. To circle, to expand visions for yourself. To know that ease and simplicity are underneath your feet.

I am learning to celebrate. In the past I get to the 'place' and then am quick to move on, suffering in many ways later for not pausing to acknowledge what I've created. A fear of being in my light. Of being open with my successes. A fear that I can't really feel this right now.

So now I pause. I celebrate. I stand in the mirror on the days that I work so hard to get to and I raise a glass. To myself. To this gorgeous space. To the hundreds of women who are claiming their light.

And the women who are coming to lend their voices. They are trusting. We don't know if people will come but we know that they will not leave the same. So we make these amazing nights happen. We circle. We sing. We vision. We lift.

Coming up::

More vision nights starting with "I am" night this month. (August 22nd)

#operationselfcarelikewhoa. (Early October)

Art classes. (Sept 14th)

More singing. (I mean, see that picture!)

Chocolate night.

A private weekend with my mastermind circle. (Early September)

More co-working.

An allowing of the visions to keep coming, to lead the dance. A trust that this is where I need to be. And an open invitation to you. To meet me at The Loft.

Dates and registration for events will be open in a few days.

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” ~Rumi

I've arrived at several. My beautiful dreams come at me fast now, making me almost intimidated to do the work I teach; guiding women how to vision these dreams and connect to the magic inside of them.

This is a discussion we are having over in my Magic Making Mastermind Circle and I want to bring it to you. I'll wax a bit on it, but I am most interested in what you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams.

How do your thoughts start to shift and how do you integrate the arrival into the place you may have been visioning for so long?

Once I have stepped into this 'new reality' to quote one of my Mastermind women, I am often quick to move on. Lingering in the celebration of it isn't always my way. There is a depth of the shadow work I have done to arrive at many beautiful dreams and I am one of those people who craves the discomfort that growth and trusting the inner voice brings.

When I was 25 I lost my first pregnancy. Then two more. A baby was my beautiful dream and I walked through shadow after shadow, deep sickness and disconnect in my marriage to finally give birth to my daughter on Sept 15, 2002. For two weeks I was pretty blissed out. Even with the extra 40 pounds I was still holding, the swelling that refused to go away and the struggles with nursing.

At the end of week two she started to cry and didn't stop for about 4 months or so. I was inside of my beautiful dream and it kind of sucked. I was sucked into a deep depression, I felt alone and scared and disconnected from everything I had known.

My beautiful dream, everything I had wanted, to be a mom, to hold my babe. Here she was and my new reality filled me with fear.

It took me a long long time to dream again. Shell shock or high-anxiety or just pure exhaustion. I loved that little being to the core of my soul and I just couldn't imagine how a dream could feel so different. Looking back I know that I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to fill a piece of myself that felt empty, raw, exposed. I believed a baby would fill it.

I wanted to feel whole.

What the baby did was become one of my greatest teachers. All of my children become deep love in my soul but never filled me up. Never made me whole. Thank God I have them, thank God I looked to be filled through them so that they are in our life.

And thank God I saw the truth inside of the dream so that I could begin to dream again. I wanted to feel whole.

From that feeling inside the dream I have visioned my way into so many new realities. Each one lifting me up, each one teaching me that feeling whole is me becoming light. And so I dip into shadows, I come out and shine stronger, brighter.

It is the Awakening that becomes a layered goddess of story and experience and squeezes me in her fiery wild circle, refusing to let me go. "This," she says, "this is where you journey to feel and become whole. This is home."

And I love her. She found me at 19 when I longed to become whole through the love of a man. She found me at 38 when I longed to become whole through the love of my soul. She walks each day with me, visions the next beautiful dream, tells me stories of home.

As I journey and dream I am learning to celebrate the manifest of the dream, of the feeling. Teaching others how to celebrate the beauty and the joy and the desire in their lives is part of this dream.

Whatever shame I held in celebrating this life I am creating is floating away, popping like the bubbles in my celebratory glass of bubbly. This was a beautiful dream. Shining so I may give permission to others to shine. That is beautiful right?

Now that I understand it is the feeling inside of the dream that guides us, I draw these visions into my life at a pace I must account for. My world has been rocked over and over.

And I am also OK with the not knowing. There are some feelings that I want and have no way of knowing how it will look. Releasing expectation.  Arriving in perfect alignment. Finding ways to be there now.

What do you do when you arrive at one of your beautiful dreams?

Breathe into it. Notice how you feel. Remember how you wanted to feel. Lean into the new reality. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the hell out of it. Keep visioning.

That is me. What about you?

(Spirits of Joy, the 30 day course towards creating a vision book where you will dream and dream and dream will come out of hiding for September. And the vision book will rock your whole world.)

Your touch.

In knee pile.

Forward bend with eagle arms.

Heated room. Forrest yoga.

She walks around the room pressing her hands on our lower backs and lifting us further forward, finding the space we didn't know was there. She walks to the person behind me and I hear, "I don't like to be touched."

My mind wants to understand this desire to miss what is my favorite part of the yoga practice. My heart understands the things that could make someone turn away from the assist of space finding. The hurts that must have come first.

Be present. Feel. The words from the teacher's lips guide me into stories of my own withdrawal from touch. When there is pain. When I don't want to connect in the physical world because words must be spoken first. Because I am craving the newness that comes from shattered moments of disconnect.

---

We throw off our clothes onto the dense sand, filled with shell bits that press into our feet as we step.

The air muggy. The glow from the moon giving truth to the stillness of the water. Our naked bodies glide in. Or fall in. Or slowly ease in.

Shivering. Joy. The touch of the water. Hugs from bodies we've known for years or only just met now vulnerable and open and real. Tiny bits of glowing lights surrounding us as we wave our arms under the surface of the waters.

Knowing that this a new way to be touched. By water. By other women. By being brave.

---

"I missed your lips."

Re-entry from a weekend of bliss met by touch. Fingers massaging my scalp as though telling me that the work I do, the way I have chosen to show up and lift others is seen as beauty.

My body surrendering after days of moving, doing, planning, making sure it is all just so. From the space found from her hands lifting me forward in that heated room, to the circling, to the waters of joyful baptisms to the comfort of my bed.

Surrendering into not knowing and loving that place because it is real. More real than any other place of touch I have been inside of.

---

Why I am not smiling.

"Smile."

smile!!!

You should smile more often.

Please my loves, please don't tell me to smile.

I know that it somehow feels like you are helping me to be more happy but I am a freaking happy fucking person. I really am.

Hang out with me for 10 minutes and I will laugh and smile and we will have a really good time. Well, if I like you. Which I usually do.

I am not one of those people born with a smile on their face. I clench my brow and my jaw, and my pelvis if we are being that open. I clench. I am tight.

I'm learning to release but it is my process. I have a lot of stuff to process and I am not going to rush through it because you decide to tell me to smile on an instagram photo or on FB.

I smile when I see you. I smile when you are next to me. I smile when I smile.

When you tell me (or another highly sensitive person, or your kid or your wife or partner) to smile when they are deep in thought it may hurt their soul in ways you never intend.

Most people don't like to be told what to do. Me and smiling, no exception. And I love you. And I will smile over wine and talking about tattoos and cute boys and that blog post that turned us on to life even more. But I won't smile because you instruct me to.

Neither will they.

That picture that you told me I should be smiling in, well, actually I thought I looked pretty fucking sexy. Yeah, that is my sexy face. I like being and feeling sexy. I'm going to keep doing that.

When I am alone, as I am in most of my instagram self portraits (which by the way have changed the way that I feel about myself in huge luscious, positive ways), I don't have anyone to smile at. I make my sexy face, or my 'i am exhausted' face or my 'this is just me right now' face.

But again, if you were here I would be smiling. Unless you were being mean to me. Then I probably wouldn't be. Although, you never know.

If I smile for that iphone in my right hand it is false. I'm weird like that, I know, but I like smiling at you. I like smiling at you when I see you in the courtyard of my favorite hotel and we've just met for the first time.

I smile when my little man Lucas says crazy shit that only I can understand. And really, I don't understand him, I just laugh my ass off.

This has been my reality since High School. I remember sitting in the library with my cool late 80's reading glasses and some guy who was pretty cute but I really wasn't into sitting next to me and telling me I should smile.

Um, I don't smile when I'm reading!!! Seriously people, do you smile when you are reading when it isn't funny?

Yes, my brow creases. I have an astigmatism. Yes, I have lines inbetween my brows but have you seen my laugh lines? I have and seriously they have been making me feel old for some time now.

But I'm not going to stop smiling. Except when you tell me to. Because when you tell me to my feelings get hurt. And hurt feelings suck.

I smile a hell of a lot. And I'm stressed and OCD and full of anxiety a hell of a lot.

This my loves is me. ( I swear a lot too, much to my daughter's dismay. Think it came from going to college in NH. They love their swearing there.)

Truly, I can handle the comments on the photos telling me to smile. But maybe your 13 year old can't. Maybe she is so full of puberty angst that someone telling her to smile makes her feel that she is all wrong. And she isn't. She probably smiles and laughs when she is with her friends, just not maybe at you right now. Or in the library in her early 2000's glasses.

When you say, "I love when you smile" because I am smiling at you, that is pretty awesome. Turns me onto life even more.

When you say, "You have a beautiful smile" I kinda wanna be friends with you forever.

Just please, don't tell me to smile. Please see me for who I am. In each moment.

If you are going through your day and you meet someone sans smile, make it your mission to help them find their smile. Not because you tell them to but because you are awesome enough to bring it out in them. Then accept them for who they are now. We all get to choose. Remember people get diagnosed with cancer and lose fortunes and have their heart broken daily.

Love them up.

Don't tell them how to be. That hurts spirits.

That picture up there? Oh, that is my sexy face.

The Loft Summer Series: Your Voice, Your Song

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."

~ Maya Angelou

 

Date: Thursday, August 8th, 7:30pm-10:30pm

Cost: $59

 

 

Music, voices, singing…..together. In community, in sisterhood, in a way of lifting of each other up like we’ve never felt before. Join us August 8th as we are led by vocal coach and soulful musician Melissa Mulligan, as we circle together and unite our voices. We’ll start with an exploration of how singing can bring such magic and joy to our lives -- and how it can also bring so much fear. (Singing for an audience is a bit different than alone in the car!) We’ll dive into the workshop with a casual sing along and then we’ll play around with sounds and words, making up songs as we go.

Together, in harmony, for the pure love of expressing ourselves through music.

You’ll receive links to a few songs beforehand to acquaint yourself with them. You’ll also choose your favorite, most uplifting song before we meet and receive a beautiful mix CD of everyone’s soul songs as we close.

We can’t wait to raise our voices with you.

 

{Not convinced you can sing in front of people? Let NPR persuade you with this and this!}

 

"If music be the food of love, play on."

~ William Shakespeare

A bit of truth about my programs.

"I can't believe that," said Alice. "Can't you?" the queen said in a pitying tone, "try again; Draw a long breath and shut your eyes." Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said. "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

~ Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

***

Typically creating my own programs terrifies me. When I am called to go into the depths of the creation process and the writing I feel paralyzed.

I become blocked.

Words don't flow. I feel like I shot out a bubble that surrounds me and doesn't allow for Universal magic to flow through me.

I procrastinate. I get sad. Tears are all around me. I question every decision in my life. I look for the cave door so I can crawl inside.

I gain weight around my middle.

Maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, but I am, so keep going with me here.

I go from the initial high of the launch and then get stuck in the hard stuff. So as I am trying to draw women in, to sign up, to commit to themselves in a way that they may never have believed possible, I also feel resistance to my being the guide of the journey.

Looking at the 5 fundamentals that built the foundation of the first Joy Up 2 years ago I think how silly it is that they created this program. And then I remember their impact and realize how many of them I am not doing. I realize that once again I am calling forth the programs, the practice that I need to fill up on Joy, to call her name and listen to her as she reminds me that it is all a choice.

I read my own words which I will never remember writing. I find stillness. I clean up the space around me. I pour a cold glass of water.

Placing my left fingers on asdf and my right on jkl; I close my eyes and pray. I type and delete.

I go back to my vision book and remember why I am here. I feel my fear in the form of bladder flare ups and yeasts infections and brain fog (how my emotional manifests in my physical body) and I return to food as my medicine.

A huge bowl of salad sits next to me with a fresh squeeze of lemon and salty cashews.

I wonder why I haven't been able to share words and then I remember my process. I don't skip steps. I desire one day to morph the process just enough so that maybe I don't put on those extra few pounds or disconnect with my family or stop looking for the cave door each time creation is holding my hand.

But these are my steps. This is how I begin my journey. I play in the shadows of my why, the darkness that I lived/live so that the light of my work may shine.

The practice and choice and calling forth of joy is not without the caves we must crawl into. It is knowing that both shadow and light are received and seen and held by joy.

And so I go back and read words from a year ago that my left hand and right hand typed. A note from my past self to my future self, awaiting me just when I needed her. Through my own program.

I step into my process. My practice.

I'm in the cave but for the first time I am leaving the door open for light, for support, for space.

I opened the door so I could be here now. Sharing a little bit of truth.

Remembering why we gather...

***

And so we begin.

Our embrace and heart connection to joy at times can seem impossible. So can the presence of magic, abundance or fairies dancing outside while we sleep, rearranging little seeds and sleeping under flower pedals.

And what if we never chose to believe, even for 5 minutes in the impossible. The impossible in our own minds.

I have decided to believe in it all. Making impossible, possible. Embracing magic as a value, a power, an everyday possibility.

This time and space, where we step into choosing joy, is to me - magical.

This is not a simple choice. Often it comes from being in a place in our lives where we feel a disconnect to joy; caused by other choices or circumstances where we feel powerless or broken.

Joy becomes our light. The light that has always been inside.

 Joy's light, her softness, is a part of us. She is our muse.

Our gorgeous, magical, soft muse.

***

Are you ready?

***

We start August 1st. I will be out of the cave and into my light so that I may guide you towards finding or simply being YOU inside of yours.

The August Joy Up ~ An Event to Remember

Sponsoring gifts.

Every program I run, I give away spaces. I might do a give-away on the blog or on FB. I may offer others to host give-aways on their sites. I've secretly gifted spots to women I knew were ready but in financial difficulties. Part of my business model is gratitude. This is a way I feel gratitude and pay-it-forward.

After the Joy Up's first year I received a note from a woman who had been in the Joy Up alumni group for a few months. She wanted to sponsor another woman in the alumni group who she knew was stretched financially. She did so anonymously. Then another woman sponsored. Then another. All anonymously.

It expanded my heart. I realized that I had brought together women who were deeply compassionate, giving and who believed in the message of joy. It was freaking awesome.

Then I started to add a lower rate to join with a soulsister. Women were gifting their friends and sisters, bringing them into 'the tribe.'

This August I wanted to give back. Keep the pay-it-forward cycle in full momentum.

To sponsor someone, you simply choose someone you know or you can sponsor someone that we have who has requested a scholarship. Typically during a joy up about 10 requests come in to us.

Each time you sponsor someone your name goes into a virtual raffle.

When registration closes at the end of July three names will be drawn.

The prizes are::

• A two night’s stay at The Loft with a friend or your partner. I will stock the fridge with Prosecco and chocolate covered strawberries. I’ll leave crisp white linens on the bed. I’ll tell you all the cool places to go in Providence. And if you want, I’ll hang out for a while too! To be used by January 2013. The date will be arranged around workshops and events happening at The Loft.
• Joy in a box. I’ll send you a box full of gifts, things I love, to help you celebrate your life, your passion and pleasure and the vibration you are raising of joy in your heart and in the Universe. You’ll love it, promise.
• A Tiny Devotions Mala of your choosing. Cause I love mine and think you’ll love one as much as I do.

Every time I am feeling nervous about money I find a way to give. I just came from a really expensive trip to an event that required plane tickets, hotel rooms, lots of eating out and then at the end of the event a chance to purchase a ticket for the event next year. Which I did.

 

I found myself inside of this feeling of lack. I don't typically spend that much money at one time. I felt a bit selfish.

 

While I don't need to feel nervous my old stories around money started to pull themselves up from my belly, my gut. I heard the voices telling me how irresponsible I am with money. I heard the voices laughing at me that I believe in my own abundance. It surprised me. I've put in years of building my business to be here. I've worked through these old stories.

 

I started to worry about the rent I pay for the Loft, the two employees I pay, the items I still need to finish designing the Loft space.

 

I had a moment.

 

 

So the next thing I did was to leave a $20 tip on a $17 bill at a restaurant as I was waiting for my plane back to Boston. I already am a super big tipper. It has felt crazy good to me to leave more than 20% as often as I can.

 

It was the woman's 25th birthday and I had watched her go from table to table and she was pure joy. She said at least 4 nights a week their restaurant stays open because the 10:45pm Boston flight is always late, they stay open until the plane boards. Tonight was one of those nights. And she was so excited to go out after they closed to celebrate her birthday.

 

She wasn't crabby or whiny or ungrateful. She was full of gratitude. For her special day, for the fact that she could be there for me to have a glass of wine and the guy across from me to have his beer and the older man on the other side to have his burger and talk and talk. She was grateful.

 

So as the voices surfaced for me around spending I decided to buy her a couple drinks at her celebration. Pay-it-forward. Feel gratitude. Give.

 

Thank the voices for reminding me how grateful I am to be where I am.

 

And I thank you. For being here. For believing in the work I do. For gifting women the chance to step deeper into joy and understand that we choose how we want to feel.

 

Thank you.

 

I can't wait to virtually pull the names out of the hat.

 

 

 

The Loft Summer Series: #operationselfcarelikewhoa is back!

 

Date: Friday, July 26th - Saturday, July 27th, 2013 Look out for the next date in the fall!!!

Cost: $300, including a complimentary seat in the August Joy Up!

Space Limited: 10 people

What: Urban Sweat (think like 10 sauanas and the best steam room ever), circling at The Loft in Pawtucket RI, dinner on the beach (boho meets the sand meets gorgeous food), sleep-over loft style (bring your air matress and get ready for giggles), morning writing prompts together over coffee and tea, 3 meals will be included

 

"The Loft is a magical place- a life-sized fairy house of twinkle lights and swirling colors and inspirational art and quotes. It's a Red Tent in the city, a place where Hannah and her tribe create soft, safe space for women to breathe, eat, drink, create, dream and reconnect to their true soul whispers. Connections are made, differences are cherished, truths are honored. I felt heard and known and respected, encouraged to be me best self and use my powers for good. What a life-shifting blessing!" melissa

 #operationselfcarelikewhoa is a movement.

#operationselfcarelikewhoa grew from a funny hashtag that I used when I was inside of a deeply transforming time of my life, leaning into the truth of self-care through space, energy and love.

The operation was born as I truly allowed myself wings. And spirit whispers. And joy. And peace. And freedom. And deep, deep truth and healing. As I was working hard. As I was learning to relax.

It was a solo operation at first and then it became a mission, a movement!

When I planned the first event for #operationselfcarelikewhoa in March it sold out in 10 hours, and we even added a couple of spots. Any expectations any of us could have had were totally exceeded and I think we're all still a little head-over-heels for the women we bonded with that weekend. Our little group became like family pretty quickly, and the amount of healing and love that went on was extraordinary.

Because like whoa we need this, we crave this, we must circle with our women as part of the deep self-care work we will all be called towards.

Self-care may sound like bullet points in the latest magazine telling you to get your nails done but I promise you that for most of us it is a calling towards saving our lives, saving ourselves from disappearing from our own eyes.

It is filling a hole inside.

My hole is in my gut, when I closed my eyes I saw it and felt it, it was black and empty but when I stepped into #operationselfcarelikewhoa it became transparent. It is still there but it is no longer something I fear, because now through its transparency I see me. All of me. Even those scary, raw bits that I’d rather hide in the darkness.

Like whoa.

This hole that is inside of me helps me discover my deepest cravings, it is the young wounds we carry and the searching soul.

Like whoa. 

Circling is vital to the movement. As women we crave this ‘red tent’ time together where we can nurture and be nurtured in a collective wave. We want to lead and be led, touch and be touched.

Circling is a form of healing when you stop fighting against feelings of jealousy, status, competition, judgement and open space for the truth inside of those feelings and allow yourself time inside of vulnerability, nurture, love, gentle power and forgiveness. Together.

Circling is showing up in truth and sharing what feels good.

Circling is allowing others to lay hands on your wounds and then holding that hand in gratitude and love.

Circling is the deepest form of fear for many of us who were taught that women are jealous of us and we cannot show up in our light.

Circling is the rhythm of sharing meals, fears and giggles.

The operation was fierce and we received and were held as worthy and opened and left with a new belief in ourselves.

I witnessed intense, sacred moments between women during this circling that will forever allow me to move through this world knowing that circling is part of my calling and has been since I was a child.

Circling is the gift that I bring. Circling is the gift where I am receiving pieces of my healing as I share that transparent hole inside of my belly.

This journey to heal, to be whole:: lifelong. I pray that many of those days journeying will be spent in the circles of women who believe that they too have wings to fly.

 

Please join me and the gorgeous Ruth along with 10 other women as we Connect Up with ourselves. A day all about you. A day about experiencing each moment, from the candle light to the spa to the quiet moments to the joyful sounds of laughter. Because we are so going to laugh. And usually we cry!!!

The Live Event::

• We will meet at 10am at The Loft in Pawtucket, RI where lights will twinkle and tea will be hot. We will introduce ourselves and set an intention for our time together.
• After, we will carpool to a place that feels like bliss. Called Urban Sweat, with its multiple saunas and steam rooms, we will spend up to 4 hours simply being in complete surrender to relaxation, detoxification and sweat!
• At Urban Sweat there will be fresh juices and snacks as needed to nourish you through your time. There may be some poetry and writing, some chatting, alone time, we will flow…
• After we sweat and shower we’ll head to the BEACH for a beautiful circle and laid-back meal (weather permitting). We will soak up the salty air and sea breezes and eat our meal together, maybe play music, hold hands, and pop some Prosecco and sparkling cider.
• We'll then go back to The Loft (it's prettiest there at night!) for a sleepover, slumber party style. We'll settle down amidst twinkle lights and drift off to sleep. In the morning we will sip coffee or tea, munch some breakfast and share in some writing prompts together. We'll hug goodbye around 11am.
• Once you register more details will float in with transportation details. Please don’t hesitate to ask for more specific details by emailing me at hello@hannahmarcotti.com

Last time was so amazing.....

"I remember driving home and just finally feeling like I could breathe, like really breathe - apparently I hadn't been breathing before that weekend." adriane

"I felt so lifted up and so held and seen and heard. In a way I had never expected or experienced. Being at The Loft gave me a feeling of connection that was something so new for me and now I know I can't be without it. And I never realized the sheer power and strength and love without judgment that could be possible with a group of women! My time at The Loft was amazing and I can't wait to return for more. I yearn for it!" kyra

"From the first moments of sharing our stories and our intentions for our time together at the Loft, as the tears flowed and laughter erupted, I felt safe and accepted. Each woman so unique, but connected with no judgement. There was such freedom to share and spill and soak and release together. I am still basking in the overflow of the intentional self-care and sacred community that was birthed from my time at the Loft." erica

"The weekend at The Loft really shook things up for me in a soft and gentle way. It essentially reframed my view on relationships between myself and women and ultimately between myself and the world at large..." cassia

The Loft Summer Series: A New Moon Vision Night

When: Sunday, July 14th, 5pm-8pm

Where: The Loft, a community workshop and retreat space for women in Rhode Island, Hope Artiste Village

Cost: $40 (optional vision book purchase, $10)

What you'll need: A magazine or two, a vision book if you have one, and wine if you want to sip some while you create! Scissors, glue, and yummy snacks will be provided.

Register

Only 10 5 spots left!

$40 for the night

$50 for the night + a beautiful vision book

When I first began visioning, I loved it. I ate it up. It was like art for the non-artistic person. Beautiful images would come to me out of magazines and I'd cut around their edges and glue them onto boards I'd make every month at the new moon. I'd decide on some type of theme and go search after my images, and eventually I'd have a gorgeous board that would hang over my bed until the next new moon. I loved it.

Until it started to suck. The light-filled apartments and wads of dollar bills and lovebirds sitting on a mountaintop weren't happening. There were no beautiful cityscapes and hand-holding circles of women and brand new cars. When the new job that was within grasp slipped out from my fingers (after being very prominently displayed on my current board), I got angry. I tore the vision boards down and declared myself done with visioning forever.

In my mind, it was bullshit. How can images from magazines glued to a piece of paper make anything happen? What kind of magic is that? I was disillusioned, fast.

After a few months of vision board neglect, I hadn't shared my secret with anyone. Whenever anyone talked about visioning, I'd internally roll my eyes. Okay, yeah, keep putting random stuff in your vision book and make it happen. Takes more than that to make dreams come true.

Until last month, when The Loft hosted its first vision night. Inside, I was really happy that I was there as Hannah's events coordinator -- because that meant I wouldn't have to vision. I mean, I didn't even have a vision book. Not one.

But then Hannah told me which table to sit at. And gave me a blank book. And magazines. And I sat down with a group of women who had invested in this experience of visioning.

And so I visioned. Since there was no pressure, I mindlessly clipped out images that spoke to me and words that sounded nice, with no intentions of actually "visioning." But before long I was chatting and smiling and gluing. And soon enough I had a name for my book: Brilliantly Thirsty Project. When Hannah came around to see what our pages meant to us, I said I didn’t know. “Oh, I don’t know what this even means, the words just kind of came together and the pictures are pretty.” I wanted it to not be my turn anymore, desperately. But Hannah told me, “Um, yes you do.” And I looked at it again with widening eyes. Oh, maybe I do. I am in the middle of a deep journey through my 20s and yes, I am brilliantly thirsty.

In the days following, I kept coming back to the cover of my book. I added some more pretty pictures -- a woman jumping off a cliff, gorgeous stained glass windows, a bright red umbrella. It started to feel good to me. I wanted to look at it. I eventually moved through some prompts and filled a couple more pages with images and words that felt exactly me, part of this brilliantly thirsty project. And just like that, I was back in love with visioning.

Because we don’t vision for the light-filled apartments or the wads of dollar bills or the lovebirds or the brand new cars. We don’t vision to get lucrative new jobs or immediate circles of kindred spirits. We vision for the feeling inside of the dreams. We vision because it feels damn good. We paste gorgeous photos from magazines onto pieces of paper because they’re beautiful and when we look back on them, we have a deep knowledge and remembrance of how good that feels. And when we feel good.....that is when good things come to us.

 If you've been visioning forever or not at all, if you love it dearly or think it's kind of crazy, if you have some kind of love/hate relationship like I did or just don't really get it, visioning with a group of women (as opposed to alone) is powerful. The collective energy transforms the process and suddenly your dreams are being spoken aloud and held -- it's magical, really. Join us Sunday, July 14th at The Loft and see what we're talking about! We will circle together and talk of our dreams, eat some delicious food together,

and sit down and vision.

 Ruth Clark is a sensitive seeker of feeling good, soulfully dwelling in truth and love, inspiring connection and listening deeply. She's creating her gorgeous life in Providence, Rhode Island and is serving as The Loft's events coordinator with love. She is also a blogger, a nanny, a trained doula, and dabbles in a multitude of other life loves.

Read more from Ruth at ruthpclark.com.

The Joy Up ~ An Event to Remember

Sponsorship prizes, online party, 12 days of joy and some bubble blowing. Let's go...

Two years ago The Joy UP jumped from my head and heart and became a program, a journey, that would change hundreds of women's lives in ways I am only still learning about. And my life changed. #likewhoa

And so we must celebrate. Let's make this an event to remember. Let's raise our joy vibrations across multiple countries and create waves of pleasure, truth and love.

August 1-12

Spending these days focused on joy is life changing because each morning it is a daily mantra; simply being a part of this journey will allow you to befriend joy, make space for her in your life.

I am no longer the same woman, mother, coach, writer or creative that I was when this started two years ago. I now have such a strong faith that change is our gift. The change hasn't been easy for me. I struggled, I fought, I pouted. But it always came back to YES! Yes, this is what I desire in my heart. Joy, change, fierce magic in my life.

Fierce Magic.

And so we begin, we continue. We step into this event together.

12 days of letters holding inside of them:

• Inspiration towards joy in your inbox
• Soulwork, little gestures you can make to step into the gorgeous life of joy
• Story which is the most powerful access we have to inspiration and change
• Softness, ritual, space and magic - for sure
• Gorgeous recipes to help make space in our bodies for joy
• Some video face time with me, cause I love talking to you!

Gorgeous guests sharing words on their joy:

• Maya Stein
• Kelly Barton
• Rachael Rice 
• Lindsay Wilson

Moving into the beauty of what is now:

• We can flow into the ease of what we want and what we have
• Connect to JOY's soul - dance with her, play with her, move with her
• Deepen your love to yourself and your relationships
• Glow - yes, glow in your life
• Know that each morning, joy is choice
• Flip the negative places you are stuck inside of into softness and ease towards yourself
• Sprinkle in some magic

Connecting to a deep body knowledge that joy is a part of us, has always been a part of us, we may just need to do some beautiful work to connect more deeply to her.

This journey is the beautiful work.

How does this joy journey work:

• Each morning a letter arrives in your inbox, a love note to joy, to you, to the intuition inside of you that is ready for more
• Follow along daily or save them up for when you have a nice chunk of time to flow into the words, the images, the soulwork
• Start with a notebook - nothing like a beautiful book to start a journey with
• Keep your iphone or camera with you for the journey, joy loves to be recorded through picture
• There are no assignments, simply prompts and story to move you forward into change
• Do as little or as much as feels right to you now, don't force yourself, allow the flow into making this a ritual
• An online FB group with women going through these days with you, support baby, support!
• Membership into The Joy Up Alumni Tribe, an online private community of amazing women who have been supporting each other for two years (on Facebook)

The story of this journey's beginning:

 A story of a woman who wanted to change her life using a planner. If only she found the perfect planner she could be more organized, present and accomplished. I suggested instead that she put on a pair of her favorite heels and jeans (I knew she liked these things) and pick her little one up at preschool looking and feeling like the woman she wanted to be.

Rather than wait for a planner to transform her, joy could visit her. Joy was missing, not her ability to do anything she wanted. Joy can start with the way we greet the day, show up and make space. It may not be your pink heels and skinny jeans, but something! We are going to find it, feel it, live it together.

What if the planner is just another way we hold ourselves back from fully being who we want to be?

Once I get organized I will....

Once I lose weight I can...

Once I fall in love I will be...

Once my children grow up I might...

And what if the 'Once I' is happening right now? We are living it, breathing it and all we need is to add joy into our soul to know this truth.

Joy is choice, freedom, abundance, spiritual, sexy, loving, playful and divine.

Our relationship with her can always be deepened, strengthened, healed.

This year I have been dedicated to fierce magic. I want this Joy Up to bring you that magic.

The Events:

For each woman you sponsor into The Joy Up, your name will go into a raffle to win joy prizes. There is no limit, sponsor 10 women, your name goes in 10 times! Oh yes, Joy Prizes that are rather like events!!!

• A two night’s stay at The Loft with a friend or your partner. I will stock the fridge with Prosecco and chocolate covered strawberries. I’ll leave crisp white linens on the bed. I’ll tell you all the cool places to go in Providence. And if you want, I’ll hang out for a while too! To be used by January 2014. The date will be arranged around workshops and events happening at The Loft. (Travel costs not included.)
• Joy in a box. I'll send you a box full of gifts, things I love, to help you celebrate your life, your passion and pleasure and the vibration you are raising of joy in your heart and in the Universe. You'll love it, promise.
• A Tiny Devotions Mala of your choosing. Cause I love mine and think you'll love one as much as I do. (Valued up to $127)

An online party!!! What, what? Yep, we are going to party online. Dress up, put on red lips and gather your joy sisters around the computer as we celebrate the Joy Up. Let's hear how your life has changed since the Joy Up days and what is bringing you deep joy.

An official invitation to all The Women of the Joy Up will be sent!!!

From my heart:

• I want you to know joy is yours now
• I want you to know this journey is about much more than daily emails or soulwork
• I want you to know how crazy special this journey will be
• I want you to know how deeply I want you to be a part of this
• I want you to know that with all my heart, I create this for you

 

"I am missing Hannah's daily emails, it had become a part of my daily ritual. I would read them in bed before getting up every morning. Then lay there reflecting on them before beginning anything else."

"Thank you all so much for your unconditional love, support, laughs and tears. Love being a part of this amazing group.Thank you Hannah! You are an angel, a guiding light, truly a blessing! I will be forever grateful to each and everyone of you."

"I did not have any expectations going in and I learned this: to allow my creative side to get its groove back, slow my roll and enJOY more of the *now* and gobble up all the inspiring stories of your daily letters and the fantastically beautiful, strong women in this group. Much love to all!!"

Joining this group of women will change your life. This is a tribe of soul sisters united in joy. Magic can happen here, if you are ready to see it and believe it.

Will you join us for the magic, for an event to remember?

Register

$39.00 for the journey for you

 

$29.00 to sponsor a soul-sister (each time you sponsor someone into The Joy Up your name will be entered into a raffle to win amazing joyful prizes)

No limit on how many you can sponsor! (just make sure to email hello@hannahmarcotti.com the emails and names of the women you are sponsoring in!)

 "The Joy Up helped me find my voice. Transformed my path into more of the sacred. Thank you Hannah!"

"I LOVE ritual, and the Joy Up gave me permission to introduce the rituals that make my heart sing into my day, my world, my life. I haven't been the same since. In a good way. A very good way! Thank you Hannah."

"Last year my guiding word was Joy. I so badly wanted to embody it, but didn't know how. Joy always beyond my grasp. During the Joy Up, I learned how to embrace simple rituals and the sacredness and beauty of everyday life. It was in those simple moments of awareness that I began to feel the deepness of joy."

"The first Joy Up I participated in gave me permission to experience and revel in the magic I was always grasping for...the simple pleasures of everyday life. Hannah's gentle guidance and her tribe of beautiful wild women enveloped me in a safe and sacred space to come home to my own spirit."

"Joy Up was a gentle nudge from my stuck place to the option of a bit of beauty, ease, creativity, and sparkle to my everyday."

"The Joy Up has changed my life in more ways than I can count. From simple daily rituals that have become second nature to my reaction and outlook on situations and circumstances in my life to a beautiful tribe of women that I consider sisters. If you allow joy to be your guide, you will be forever changed."

"Each Joy Up I participate in is life altering. I find myself peeling back layers, finding healing, finding more of myself and becoming more and more the woman I am meant to be. Hannah is and amazing guide and I am eternally grateful to have been introduced to her."

"I found something I had been looking for in Hannah Marcotti's Joy Up - a beautiful gathering of women who love, support and cherish each other."

"I have reconnected with my inner joy and given myself permission to hope."

"The Joy Up taught me the tiniest thing can transform into joy. Now I'm a joy junkie and I own a joyful heart. I used to save my tutu for special occasions but now I wear it every damn day if I feel like it!"

"For me, the greatest gift is the realization that joy is a choice, a state of mind and heart that is independent of external circumstances. Hannah's gorgeous prompts empower me to take the time to see, hear and feel my precious heart and to honor my feelings. The connection with this beautiful community has been the icing on the cake. Each new Joy Up takes me deeper, and yet I feel so much lighter and more loving toward myself and my life."

"I think mainly I realize now the difference between simply being happy and now knowing it comes from having my own inner joy, and remembering I know how to create that when I need to."

Some Questions and Answers:

•  I'm away for part of The Joy Up, can I still participate? Of course, this is all about your own timing. You can read the emails daily, do the soulwork actively, or you can take a slower approach and find your own rhythm.
• Tell me about the sponsorship? Since the joy up's conception I have had women wanting to sponsor others or gift them spaces in The Joy UP. This year with each sponsorship, as my way of saying thank you, I will be entering the sponsors name into a raffle for some amazing prizes. It just feels so good to pay-it-forward. Right?
• I don't feel creative, can I still participate? Yep, what better reason to do so!
• Is the FB group confidential? Yes, it is a private group and we have an understanding that everything stays within the group. Our tribe members have been so supportive and loving, it is truly an amazing place, especially during a Joy Up.
• I can't do this one, will you do it again? My work is always evolving. I would say, most likely. I do think at some point the Joy Up will evolve into something else, so time will tell. I follow my heart.

Why space is a gift. ~ BlogLovin' Tour

The Declaration of You will rock your freaking world loves, with readers getting all the permission they've craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! My darling loves, Michelle and Jess asked me to post this as part of The Declaration of You's BlogLovin' Tour, which I'm thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more -- and join us! -- by clicking here.

***

For the last few months Patrick and I have been in marriage coaching. Not therapy, coaching. Real truths, no bullshit, coaching. 

In December I was sure that my marriage was over. After 19 years I didn't see that we were moving together, that there was joy in 'us' or that I could find my happy inside of where we were. I agreed to coaching because I'm a coach and I know how powerful coaching can be in changing your life.

In my journal from 19 years ago, my young self talks about losing herself in her relationship. She cries to the page about how she doesn't know how to continue to be herself.

My current self stares at one of the only things on her vision board, the number 39 and she knows that this year, 38, will be among the most life changing, full of knowing years of her life.

For 19 years there has been the deepest of love between us, but love is not something that comes with the skills attached. It is a feeling. And from that love we must learn how to live inside of it, thrive inside of it, feel it for ourselves and not get lost in it. I was lost in it.

Go through Jan, Feb, March, April, May and we land in June. Last night our coach is 'graduating' us as we have now learned major skills inside of our love and now we will continue to use these skills to further our individual happiness and desires in the world. We are learning a new way to be together with no expectation at all on the outcome of our marriage. (This is huge.)

She asks us what has made the biggest difference in our world.

"Space." Patrick says. (He says a lot more but I will keep those words his.)

When I was sure the marriage was over I found physical space, The Loft. It was part my place to find me, and part community space to guide and support other women and healers. Claiming this space was one of the most radical decisions I had ever made. I felt sure I could financially support the space but more than that it was me as a mother of three kids and married claiming a huge physical space of my own. It wasn't something written in the books about saving a marriage. It wasn't something I had ever heard of someone doing. And yet it felt like the most loving act I could make towards myself, to give myself physical space to heal, to learn, to discover me.

Patrick supported the decision each step of the way. He started to lean into the idea that making space was one of the most beautiful gifts you could give yourself and those you love. And he gave me space. And after years of attachment parenting, very little sleep and resisting living for myself I decided that I was ready to return to the place I got lost.

I entered The Loft at about age 19. Hungry for love and filling the hole I felt inside my gut.

Slowly I continued to claim space.

Tuesday night dinners alone after yoga with sushi and wine and a movie or show and a sleep-over in the most lovely bed at The Loft. Friday nights out with my girlfriend where we could talk about biz over cocktails and laugh and share stories far into the night. Taking the whole day on Sunday to work or read or see a friend or play or find more laughter. I started to feel myself move into my early twenties and then late twenties. (I think maybe that is where I am now in my growing.)

I struggled inside the space that not only I was gifting myself but that Patrick was gifting me. It was hard being alone. It was hard seeing him sad and not taking it on as my own sadness. It was hard accepting that he was giving me this space without any expectation or strings attached.

It was so fucking hard to claim that this space was part of my story towards living the gorgeous life myself.

I have been teaching women how to make space for the last two years, maybe longer without knowing it. Making space is how I re-language self care. If you do not have space you cannot fill up. You cannot be inside of ease. You cannot live gorgeously.

I have never in my life been given a greater gift than that of space. I have never given a greater gift than that of space, of learning how to make space.

When we have the space to be our most amazing, loving, real selves every relationship we have will become stronger. Starting with healing the one with our young self who only knew how lost she was from herself and longed for love that she didn't even know how to accept.

I love growing older because each number provides space inside of me. I look in the mirror with love, most days. Contributing to other's happiness is huge joy, daily. Claiming space in this world for me and the gifts I believe I was born here now to teach is the most humbling choice I make.

I am inside of a deep joy. A joy I choose. A joy that I want others to feel.

I am inside of deep healing. Lots of tears, questioning, longings.

I am inside of deep space. A claiming, a desire, a feeling.

Starting with the smallest inspired-action towards making space in your life will be a shift into joy.

It is a gift.

Space. And none of it will feel particularly easy when you start. And then it will save your life.

...

she wanted a promise that the moment in her memory would be again.

she wanted a thousand deep kisses to pull the loneliness out of her gut.

she wanted to be upside down, blood rushing to her brain that desired breath.

she wanted the long rustic table, flowers picked from bees, feasts and hands and bellies and arms that knew how to serve.

she wanted to bring the drama, it is all she knew.

she wanted to pull the wolf skin over her sweating body, naked breasts salvation of her love.

she wanted the fish to swim through her, her net of pain tearing.

she wanted to fix it.

she wanted to lift her hands towards God and feel his fingers lock with hers as she pulled her hand to her heart and dove into the spaces between.

she wanted an event to remember so her head could rest, her joy bubbling.

she wanted the answers to stop bringing new fears.

she wanted to fly into her magazine cut-out dreams and become the glue behind the words.

she wanted the magic she sprinkled to be collected in tiny bottles around their necks with the word yes, the promise to themselves.

between mirrors and moose.

as long as the bag is toppling over with celery and almond butter, fizzy water to send bubbles up our noses.

as long as you remind me to stop at red lights because my stories wind me into myself.

as long as the clouds drop sun kisses on our shoulders next to glass windows looking out to daydreaming forests.

as long as i peek at your eyes listening, in the mirror that shows me all that is behind my present self.

as long as the road not meant for us becomes the one we must spiral on.

as long as we sip from cold cocktail glasses under moose heads and trade stories with youth.

as long as we wrap our arms around new bodies and look first into eyes.

as long as we let our fingers type on keys that pull us from crowded spaces into the knowing of prompts.

as long as we stand on her waters and lift arms to God, Universe, and open up surrender of those we hold too tightly because we came here to these waters to open our hands.

as long as memories become poetry.

as long as our spaces share time.

as long as the moon becomes new and invites us to wander through our openings, narrating each glimpse, each lullaby hush of spaces between.

***

(Thank you Maya Stein for the gorgeous as long as prompt!)

Story Whispers ~ Vivienne McMaster

 I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Oh this woman. From standing naked in a forest with her snapping pictures of me to her raw truth and self love that comes through in her course. I am blessed to have Vivienne McMaster in my life.

 

I took Vivienne's course, Be Your Own Beloved, a few months ago and I was completely in awe of her way with words, photos, prompts. I take very few courses and this one I would take again and again. We are both at a similar place in our careers, gathering tribe, working on sharing more words and growing at a pace that is so fiercely magical and a little bit scary sometimes.

 

I am thrilled to be part of her life and watching her journey. Please fall in love with my girl, Viv.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

Sight is always at the forefront. Noticing the way things sparkle, the words written in the pavement, the shift of one texture to another, the way light falls on the ground.

The other senses weave their way into the story too. The scent of lilac on the tree next door, the texture of a flower petal I can’t help but stop to feel, the sounds of a vibrant neighbourhood with lots of people engaging with one another saying ‘Good Morning’ and the very loud purr of my side­kick kitty Ladybug. The taste of really good coffee, apples and kale from the farmers market.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I feel like I’ve been on a journey towards my one thing, but it took a lot of little brave steps towards it. Right from the start of doing work around self­portraiture and inviting people to turn their cameras on themselves it has felt like my one true thing but it was only back in late last year when I made some shifts in the work I was doing to have more of a focus on self­love and the words ‘Be Your Own Beloved’ rolled from my pen to paper. It was the clarity of those words and the work that followed them that really made me feel like I really found my soul mission in life and I couldn’t not bring it to the world.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

At home, that it is a part of me the way when you’re riding your bike and it feels like an extension of your limbs.

In love, I want to continue to follow the lead of the places in my creative life that I feel head over heels for, that I just can’t wait to dig into.

Resilient. I want to be able to work through rough patches, blocks or fears as they are truly part of the process of living a creative life and allowing it to evolve and grow.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

I feel like our cameras can be an amazing tool for being open to magical moments. Sometimes they happen as I’m being open to finding a moment to take a photo and find something serendipitous on my path. Other times the magic happens within the camera where you capture a magical moment or something unexpected. I’ve also learned along the way (both with photography and life) the most magical moments happen when we thought we might have made a mistake, or we are outside our comfort zone!

Is there a ritual that you start your day with?

The morning is when I feel most alive, most clear and when I feel like I connect most with the writer in me and when the ideas are at the forefront. So to be honest I dive right into my work in the morning ... so my morning ritual is coffee and diving into the work that makes me feel really alive! I have other rituals within my day and week for self­ care but have learned to listen to that bright morning spirit in me that just wants to dive into work (and feel grateful that my work often feels like play too).

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it?

I’d have to say my eyes, which is kind of funny because I have really bad eyesight, but I’m not really talking about their physicality...rather the way they allow me to see the world.

I also am finally, after a long stretch of healing body image, am able to see the woman I am becoming and I am appreciating her curvature and shape as a whole....finally able to see the beauty in myself right here and right now.

Favorite quote:

One of my favourite quotes these days is about beauty and self­love, but I return to it so often and remember that in any moment we are the beholder of what is manifesting in our lives and  how we want to look at it.

People often say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where other have not dared to look including inside ourselves.
­~ Salma Hayek

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

One of my personal mantras that I use in my work and in my everyday is that ‘Playfulness is an antidote to fear’. I love being able to take something that might overwhelm us or bring out our inner perfectionist and find a way to reframe it or get past it through just accessing our creative or playful side.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

I feel like I’m still living and learning about the word I chose last year which was actually Confidence. I’m a fan of choosing words that really get to the nitty gritty of the changes I want to make in my life. Confidence wasn’t a poetic word but it absolutely transformed my life to choose it.

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Vivienne McMaster is photographer and teaches online and in person workshops helping people to be their own beloved and see themselves with kindness through their cameras. Having found her way back to herself after a rough patch through the magic of photography, she believes that self­ portraiture and creative exploration can save our lives. She shares her colourful visual stories over at her website (http://www.beyourownbeloved.com)

See me.

(Photo credits. 1. Ruth Clark 2. Vivienne McMaster 3. Lori Massie 4. Vivienne McMaster

Mini Manifesto

I've been exhausted lately. The result of going full force since about January. Travelling, getting a Loft and turning it into magic, running course after course, finding more space for social time than I have in years and some deep shadow work are probably why. Probably.

But I prefer to pretend I must have some wacky illness, be like, really sick. Something must be wrong for me to be tired. To take 3 days off from working. To sleep crazy hours. To skip yoga. To want to go back to bed an hour after I wake up. To feel my anxiety slipping in. To be so bloated and irritable.

Yesterday on my third day of needing huge space from computers and phones and the to-do list I made just to coax myself out of my exhaustion, I realized I was just tired. Tired. And maybe the stuffy nose and cough are showing up to slow me down just a bit.

And instead of anything getting crossed off the to-do list I quickly wrote a mini manifesto.

So here I am.

Learning to pace myself to the beat of my heart.

Later I'll probably take a nap and then make a beautiful dinner.

Might even have a grapefruit mimosa.

Sometimes we need to call ourselves back home.

***

After my days of rest I am going back into these days. This process and practice is what grounds me and helps me come back to me, to my home, to my ritual that keeps time. We start June 10th and the group of women joining is making my heart happy.

Holding their feelings in your hands.

She sends a picture of a page in her vision book in a text. It is open and free and serene. A beautiful dream about love. Instantly my mind sees the words 'open my hand.'

I text back. "You totally don't need to do anything with this, but I had this intuitive hit and saw the words 'open my hand' and you can totally do whatever you want with it."

She responds that she has no idea what it means but will think about it.

I respond that I never get intuitive hits on people's vision pages, I don't know either. Haha!

***

I wake up and feel wrong in my skin. Everything I put on feels as though it is choking me or stabbing me. Even yoga pants and my favorite huge black shirt that falls off my shoulder, just the way I usually feel at home in my body, feel wrong. I want to run, cry, scream, howl at the fucking moon for having to have been full during an eclipse or whatever is happening.

And I'm starving.

***

We lay in bed naked. The first relief I've felt from my skin all day. He rubs my skin and I feel the discomfort of the day melt.

"Tell me one of your beautiful dreams."

"Explain the prompt."

"Something that you can see, can vision within a year from now. And then you find the feeling inside of it."

His dream made me smile in its depth of simplicity. About happy.

All about moving through this world as your soul longs to see you walk.

***

We lay naked. He rubs my skin. I feel myself yield. I feel loved. I feel seen.

He wasn't trying to fix it or change it or justify it. He let me have my feelings. All day I felt wrong in my skin and I stayed with it.

I felt seen in my own truth.

***

Sarah writes a blessing each week for our Magic Making Circle. She sends this week's blessing led by the quote::

"To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go."~ Lao Tzu

I cry.

***

I send her a text. "So, I kid you not, this just was sent to me." I share the quote.

She texts back. "I kid you not. A prayer I said last night.

let me be free. let me let go of control. let me find joy and just be."

We just met a few weeks ago.

***

I go to Wordpress and open the dashboard.

A post I started over a week ago. Only the title, no words.

Holding their feelings in your hands.

***

I make a strong cup of coffee.

I sit down and type.

The story isn't how I have been learning to no longer take on others' feelings as my own.

The story is hers. And his. The intersection between the vibration of what we are learning and the spirit guides that enter.

***

I go back and find a text that another spirit guide in my life sent:

Imagine living your whole life never learning how to receive big time love and making magic?

***

We are all just walking each other home. ~ Ram Dass

***

And so it is. This fierce, fierce magic.

***

This space for visioning.

Months of slowly gathering furniture, fabrics, dishes, twinkles. Pieces that felt as though they were showing up just for this time and space. The antique store finds - blue glass and old crates, the oversized Target lights, white rocks from the beach and rugs from Ikea. Letting this gift of place come alive in those last few days and hours and hours of preparation. Standing back and watching the lights glow and that moment of knowing the deep trust that I found, the huge risk to have this space to heal and bring joy to myself and my tribe.

Circling with women I hadn't seen in a month or 17 years or was just meeting for the first time. This circling, my spirit's calling to gather us. To sit women down in a space together and show them how safe and gorgeous and divine our shared words can become.

The visioning workshop held at The Loft came from my personal vision work in January. The prompt 5 beautiful dreams. I wrote, "Physical space to discover my layers. Disco ball." In February a gift from the man who is helping me discover my layers and freedom, a disco ball. The prompt following the 5 beautiful dreams, find the feeling inside the dream. I wrote, "To feel free." My visions manifest so quickly now because I always know how I want to feel and go find a way to feel it. I call it magic making.

Circling for me always involves the nurture and rhythm that sharing food and drink provides. I love 'breaking bread' with others. And doing so under twinkles in a warm space fills me. Fills me.

When I guide circles I feel my soul whispers. This is where I was meant to stand, sit, be. Allowing others the safety of getting a bit uncomfortable and holding the truth of the future they may not be able to see yet. I am hungry for this work.

Words spill out from pouches in my purse, letters, vision books, magazines, every area of my life. The guiding words, images, visions of where we want to go, who we are. Feeling stuck, vision yourself through it. #likewhoa

And trusting that I don't have to do it alone. That I can ask for support. Another of my 5 beautiful dreams that I manifested in about 2 hours after gluing it into my book. Women who I could call in to be my guides along these journeys. It scared me to ask for help. To be needy in that way. To receive is my practice. So that I may continue giving and circling.

At The Loft.

Please join us June 6th for the last class in the Spring Series, Tastes of Spring, In the kitchen with Persephone Brown. The summer series will be announced soon with so much for you to enjoy. Thank you for being here in this virtual circle.

***

(Ruth and Persephone and Chelsae, thank you, love you!)