Need a boundary?

In friendship. In love. In space holding. In decisions.

Need a boundary?

It is yours, right now, a deserving because you are.

Their feelings are not yours to hold but baby you must hold your own.

Need a boundary?

Let others feel their way through, it is a journey of magic they will walk if given the space to know themselves.

And you. Grab your boundary. Put it in place. Breathe it in. Do not apologize. You become better for it.

Roots start to ground your decisions, desires; each moment guided by your future self and the second that moved through you, just then.

I want to gift you with the knowing that your boundaries are a piece of you that can be unearthed, practiced and tended like the most tenderhearted being.

Their shit is their shit. Let them live their story. Let them sort it, heal it and baby let them hold it.

Need a boundary?

Feel your part and your words and the way your body is receiving. Ask your throat chakra to help you open into the truth that wants to spill and become the ocean waters that soothe you.

It is yours right now. Listen. Grab it. Protect it with the fierceness of mama bear.

Magic making mastermind weekend sessions.

“The Loft is a magical place- a life-sized fairy house of twinkle lights and swirling colors and inspirational art and quotes. It’s a Red Tent in the city, a place where Hannah and her tribe create soft, safe space for women to breathe, eat, drink, create, dream and reconnect to their true soul whispers. Connections are made, differences are cherished, truths are honored. I felt heard and known and respected, encouraged to be my best self and use my powers for good. What a life-shifting blessing!” ~ Melissa

We are not here to simply live on this earth. We are here to experience, feel, evolve, desire, devour, share, dance and open.

I chose to live sensually. The choices I make must revolve around feeling good and bringing good.

We must circle with our women as part of the deep self-care work we will all be called towards.

This circling for me is a calling so that we don't disappear from our own eyes and dreams and desires.

It is filling a hole inside that often feels gaping and raw.

When you combine the beauty of self care with the kickass mastermind of women who love pushing the edges of heart-centered business you create swirling magic.

The Loft holds twinkle lights, visioning supplies, giggles, bubbly, love and so much more for you.

Here is how the weekends will work ::

Up to 5 women will gather at The Loft in Pawtucket, RI (the airport is about 20 minutes away) for mastermind circle. Our time will include Friday night, Saturday all day and Sunday morning. Hotel information will be sent after you register so you can find the perfect spot to nest up in for the 2 nights.

Friday afternoon, after everyone arrives, we will settle in, cozy up, have dinner and talk about what we want from the time together. This will be our dinner strategy magic making! We'll make a list and hang it on the wall to guide us in the morning. After dessert and bubbly I will say good-night and we will join together after breakfast in the morning.

Saturday we will begin our mastermind circle time. This will include coaching from me, visioning, support from the circle and my assistant Kristen and some fun surpises. This can be website related, building an ecourse, blogging, content creation, planning, idea based strategy, etc. This can also be outside of business touching on relationship, dreams, anything that is present for you. (We will be using our Friday night lists for these sessions.)

You will be a part of each other's magic making mastemind in various ways. It's gonna be good!

These sessions will be intense. They will pull a lot out of you. You will feel exhausted and lifted up all at once. We will play music and pour a glass of wine to celebrate once we have completed them!!!

After we mastermind and mine and dream and feel and plan and absorb on Saturday night we will hit the city. We will get dressed up, sacredly adorned and probably smell really good as we adventure out. We will meet at one of my favorite spots in Providence for dinner and drinks and we'll let all of it melt away and celebrate.

Sunday morning sleep in or make plans to walk around the city. This day is yours. Integrate. Process. We will talk about re-entry at dinner on Saturday.

Surprises and little gifts will unfold each weekend. They will all be different and amazing. Amazing, I promise.

Some details ::

The weekend is non-refundable unless you or I are able to secure the spot with another participant. Much preparation happens ahead of time, so please, only sign up if you are 100% in!

More dates will unfold if there is more interest.

The $600 goes towards your mastermind time and all food and beverages other than the Saturday night dinner in the city. The city dinner is yours to choose and buy.

Date and Cost

June 12 and 13, $600  (3 spots left!)

$200 deposit to hold your space

July 31 and August 1st , $600 (FULL!)

$200 deposit to hold your space

Includes your magic making mastermind, food Friday night, Sat morning and afternoon as well as little surprises along the way. I will be with you Friday and Saturday, Sunday is a free day, an integration day.

Circling is vital to the movement. As women we crave this ‘red tent’ time together where we can nurture and be nurtured in a collective wave. We want to lead and be led, touch and be touched.

Circling is a form of healing when you stop fighting against feelings of jealousy, status, competition, judgement and open space for the truth inside of those feelings and allow yourself time inside of vulnerability, nurture, love, gentle power and forgiveness. Together.

Circling is showing up in truth and sharing what feels good.

Circling is allowing others to lay hands on your wounds and then holding that hand in gratitude and love.

Circling is the deepest form of fear for many of us who were taught that women are jealous of us and we cannot show up in our light.

Circling is the rhythm of sharing meals, fears and giggles.

“I felt so lifted up and so held and seen and heard. In a way I had never expected or experienced. Being at The Loft gave me a feeling of connection that was something so new for me and now I know I can’t be without it. And I never realized the sheer power and strength and love without judgment that could be possible with a circle of women! My time at The Loft was amazing and I can’t wait to return for more. I yearn for it!”

“The weekend at The Loft really shook things up for me in a soft and gentle way."

"There was such freedom to share and spill and soak and release together. I am still basking in the overflow of the intentional self-care and sacred community that was birthed from my time at the Loft.”

Why I am changing it all.

"And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." Erica Jong

“Her pleasure in the walk must arise from the exercise and the day, from the view of the last smiles of the year upon the tawny leaves and withered hedges, and from repeating to herself some few of the thousand poetical descriptions extant of autumn--that season of peculiar and inexhaustible influence on the mind of taste and tenderness--that season which has drawn from every poet worthy of being read some attempt at description, or some lines of feeling.”  Jane Austen

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Maya Angelou

I have no answers. Just songs. I want to walk. Bake cookies. Feel my body again. I can already feel the rain kissing me, gathering at my feet as I sweat and move.

Blow.

Fierce.

Risk.

Pray.

Be tender.

The song.

Trust in the lift of more than can be held.

Circle with the ones who want to sing.

Change it. Love the foundation.

Trust it. Revere space.

Wake.

Pray.

Rise.

Let it be sacred. Open Sunday 1-4. Really be there.

And let the rain adore each part of the woman who makes up me.

***

I'm changing it all. For 6 months the only way to work with me in a live group will be in the Magic Making Circle. I want to really be there. And adore and sing and cherish.

There are still a few days left to join and open and let it be sacred as the rain kisses you.

xo

Magical moments.

 

I was so attracted to the word magic and exploring new ways to access my own magic. My old ways that had worked for so long were drying up and I was ready for some new practices.

I had been dreaming of an Airstream for a long time. When we first started our group, we talked about feathers as a symbol for magic and as the days passed I found myself collecting them as I’d find them on my path. Just after our Loft retreat, I gifted myself the decision to let go of old work—to get out of a contract—and on the morning of my birthday I sent an email to let it go. Within an hour, I had secured an Airstream for sale on Craigslist. When I went to get it, there were huge feathers all over the ground surrounding it. It was as if the Universe was saying, yes, yes!

Living a magical life to me means following my soul’s path, following the hits, the energy, the vibration inside of me. Trusting myself and my inner wisdom.
Listening for and sensing the signs. Living my life on fire.

Circling has come to mean safety, expanded community, love, sisters, becoming fierce. Be curious, let go and trust process…and magic happens in the space in between.

Tisha Pletcher :: I am a distiller of treasures unseen. I am a scout for lives on fire. And I am a curator of the brave stories.

***

Magical moments happened for me on our FB page. The support and love that exudes from our page feels magical. Often, I see posts there throughout the day but wait to read  them when I feel like I can really be fully present and soak in all that is going on in each other’s lives. The amount of support and love on a very intimate level is magical to me.

When I wake most days now the feeling of rush and the “have to get this done today” feeling is no longer there. That frenetic energy and go, go, go energy had been there for so very long and now I feel more peaceful and calm. I am trusting that I am flowing and all that needs done will get done.

How I most want to feel when I wake up each day is happening. I want to feel calm. I want to feel loved. I want to feel supported. I want to feel peaceful. I want to trust in the unfolding’s of my life. I want to feel happy.

When I think of this list and how I feel on most days . . . I do feel this way when I wake most days. Sure there are days when my body is tired and some of these feelings are not so evident but they are still lingering. I think the difference is that I listen to my body more and when it needs rest, I rest.

Living a magical life to me is feeling aligned on an energetic level. Getting clear on what I want and how I want to feel in my everyday life. When I do this life flows effortlessly and it feels magical.

What has shifted for me the most is EVERYTHING. Seriously, how I work, how I spend my time, who I spend my time with and how I feel . .. even my parenting style has shifted along with how I feel in relationship.

I realize that being a part of this circle has touched all aspects of my life in a very positive way. Yes, I had to do the work but the energy of the circle and you helped along the way. I am more vulnerable and this circle helped me allow myself to be vulnerable. With that, everything in my life has shifted.

While I still have my boundaries my vulnerability level has shifted a great deal and it is because of our circle and that has changed all aspects of my life. I have healed in ways that I truly do not fully understand and that is okay because I don’t need to always understand I just need to trust. So if I had to narrow it down it is my vulnerability has flipped on and with that everything has shifted to a new level. .. in a very positive way.

Carrie Saba :: I lead you to love. I embrace ease in flow. I am not afraid of the edge.

***

 The next circle starts March 1st and there are still openings. We have started to gather in our online FB group and just seeing everyone's faces is already magic.

When we step into the deepest level of care for ourselves, meaning we claim it, the dreams we never believed could come true start falling as though stars from the sky.

This is why I am here. To circle us together and show each of you your magic.

This is why circling with women is my heart’s joy song.

When we have permission to see, feel and create our magic these dreams do start falling and we pay it forward and it ripples. Join us.

blue of source.

“Tears are words that need to be written.”

~ Paulo Coelho

clearing out the body to feel
turning from a starving red gold
of movement and chaos and drama unfolding
into blue

the blue of source
of oceans calling for baptism
new corners of desire
and tears begging me to just live

and so i try to fall into it
let the bits come un-numb while
dreaming of the red needing new faces

dreaming of the gold of movement
i am warm spiced surprise
and i am sick as my limbs and my jaw feel toxic
and i am feeling equal to the fear

belly bulging with questions inevitably hidden
wanting words to come forth
inside of this blue

this wildly patient
calm
blue.

dedicated to my magic making group who will be gathering on the shores of north carolina in just a couple of weeks to celebrate our tears, our colors, our dreams, our baptisms, our wild, our warm spiced surprise.

The new circle is forming and every single woman stepping inside of it is deliciously ripe for the magic. A few days left to choose the magic.

Cupcake crumbs and dead fish.

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning."

~ Lao Tzu

(I found these words from my Thursday loveletter archives from a year ago, following a trail of crumbs. Like they were waiting for me to come home to them and so I thought I would share the crumbs with you.)

he is screaming for the cupcake I told him we would get before picking up the big kids and i am pushing back with words that tumble out...if you hadn't spent the last half hour pretending your legs couldn't walk...we would be in the car already...there isn't time...

...

and i am feeling the sting of words said, words that i don't have to hold and the rush of adrenaline from being in that gap of i don't want to be doing this mixed with make everyone happy and i realize the cupcake place is 2 minutes away...of course we'll get the cupcake...i'm crying and wiping the tears and ben harper seems to be trying so hard to convince me that i am not broken...

...

i am trusting each moment and cursing my impatience and craving orange juice which i never drink and thinking about the fish that swam in my space for one day before floating belly up...in the mirror I see he has frosting all over him...my car full of crumbs and dirt that once held snow...one day and he left me that fish...

...

my phone fills with texts and i miss the turn to yoga and the talk in my head is all about not going but i walk in late and set down the mat and see all the young urban twenty-something boys who show up every week in a van together and i know that my breath needs to join theirs in this moment...i start to forgive myself for killing the fish...i do standing half moon for the first time without my legs cramping up and I smile so big after that the teacher catches me and laughs...and my breath circles up under my ribs and the softness feels like the icing on his cupcake...

...

i am so hungry and i can't place my craving but i know i want to feel it and be in it and my period must be coming soon and the kids are asleep and as he goes into the kitchen to cook something for my physical hunger all i can do is think about how grateful i am for it...my healing heart didn't kill the fish...i am so grateful for all of it...

...

i understand deeply that this dance doesn't always feel so charming meaning it kinda sucks and that every time i twirl into the dance it is a chance for a deeper opening and i know i am dancing towards me and i feel the openings that scare me and i ask myself to trust and i leap and i choose and this opening is what i asked for...i let the fish float for two days before i flushed him and i bought more cupcakes at the store so that i wouldn't feel so guilty...i step into this opening with this gratitude that is opening me wider and wider...because i let myself crack...

...

and i dance and open and feel that smile like in yoga and know it is my tears that will allow wisdom and my smile that will change worlds...and it opens.

Sugar Candy Giveaway

“We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds…

20 women gathered together at The Loft and traveled through worlds making their own magic and now one of you will receive a box in your home to journey through and play as though you were sugar candy.

What you'll win :: Sugar Candy Adventure at Home

A jar of brown sugar foot scrub created by Persephone Brown just for you to give yourself some divine comfort.

 

A mini altar with sparkles, intentions and a prayer written to you from Mara Glatzel which you can hold in the palm of your hand and feel guided and grounded and open.

 

Inside of the altar tin you will find a reiki charged crystal that Sarah Rubin filled with energy and safety and blessing.

 

A crown, handmade with vintage materials from Chelsae Biggs who also will be including a secret mantra hidden inside the crown just for you. (See picture down below for beautiful women wearing their crowns.)

 

Some sugar candy for color and inspiration.

 

And I have tucked in a mini vision book (if you win and have no idea what a vision book is, email me, I'll hook you up), a few pre-cut words and images to start your journey towards dreaming and asking yourself this question...

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

A haircut after a year of ponytails. A plane ticket. Tea with a soulsister. Tears with a lover to find deeper laughter. Opening your body even through fear. Giving away the clothes that don't fit. Setting the coffee pot in the morning as an act of love to your future self. Writing that poem that aches to be set free. Blowing bubbles as you stand on the shore. Taking the class that you talk yourself out of because of this and that. Finding a babysitter. Hanging up the vision board on the kitchen wall. The tattoo. Putting on the dress. Saying yes to the challenge. That nap.

(I know what you are thinking. Why didn't I just ask you to share it on FB and Twitter and blah blah! Because I want you to journey, I want you all to feel your sugar candy magic and claim that one thing.)

 

Sugar Scrub

2 cup sugar of choice (white, brown, raw)

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup coconut oil

2 Tbl vanilla

2 Tbl of lemon zest

 

Blend all ingredients in a bowl using your hands.

Transfer to a pretty little jar.

 

Eggplant Fritters

Dice one large eggplant and lay onto a baking sheet. Cover it generously with olive oil. Add half of an onion, diced and a sprinkle of sea salt. Roast in a 350 degree oven for about 40 minutes or until soft. Allow to cool.

Give the eggplant a quick chop, this will be about 2 1/2 to 3 cups of eggplant.

Add eggplant to a mixing bowl with one beaten egg.

Add in 2 tablespoons of capers.

One cup of Romano cheese, grated, goes into the mix.

One cup of finely chopped kale leaves (about two kale leaves) and gently mix it together adding in 2 cloves of garlic, chopped and 1 1/2 cups of almond meal (or flour).

Place generous tablespoon sized balls onto a greased piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet. Press down slightly on each ball. Bake for 20-25 minutes until golden and firm to the touch. Allow to cool. Serve warm or room temperature. These are great topped with a yummy dressing and over salad. Often I make a dip for these with some Veganaisse, lemon juice, honey, salt, pepper and italian dried spices. So good.

 

Rosemary Cassis Bubbly

In a long stem glass layer in 3 blackberries, a splash of cassis and a stem of rosemary. Pour your favorite bubbles over and sip while laughing, playing, visioning, bathing, putting on sexy lipstick or cooking dinner with Bublé.

 

To enter the giveaway leave a comment at the bottom of this post playing with this question::

Close your eyes. Ask all of your senses, including intuition, to be present in that stillness. Enlist your senses as you ask yourself where you feel called to journey towards as you are pulled into your own fierce magic.

Winner chosen next week, 2/11/14  Congrats to Veronica who said, "I have quit teaching 2nd grade. I made a list of all I am and all that I am not. I was scared for a moment. It was like a reset button. In all the pain, transparency, acceptance……there was freedom. I am learning to dream again.

This fierce magic……right now……is calling me to Begin Anew!!!! SHINE!!!!! And photograph with dedication to create!!!!!!"

 

(Photo credits Chelsae Biggs, Sarah Rubin, Persephone Brown, Mara Glatzel and Gina Parker)

An open invitation.

I choose white sheets and duvet covers, despite the children and dog.

I love the sexy wash of white touched with fluffy invitations to surrender.

Just the right pillows to prop back with coffee in the morning and melt into at night.

Mixed patterns, always changing with my mood.

A present self nurturing and smiling at the future self.

Perspective shifts from opening space and beauty.

The three minutes of care and time. Peace with every glance.

The woman sipping coffee sending love to the one with tired bones and full moments seen.

The woman thinking of her lover as she puts a tiny bit of her favorite scent on his pillow.

The woman walking by the room each day wishing she could just pause and take the time, taking the time. Today.

The woman who knows how she wants to feel at the end of the day finding it now.

The woman creating her rituals to keep time with her visions.

The woman leaning into a sexiness that with one glance you can feel down to your toes.

The woman who is practicing not to leap, but to simply sip her coffee, make her bed, look at her own eyes in the mirror and create a doorway for who she is becoming.

***

 

From Sexy and Sanguine. Want more? Join us.

I am inviting some of my special sexy friends and colleagues to join each day of the prompts with something special of their own. I'll tell you who they all are soon!

How we breathe in circles.

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”  ~ Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I am warm spiced surprise.

I am the opulent lip.

I am passion rising.

I am sweet morning.

I am built with artistry, feeling, wonder and soul.

I am possible. I am champagne bubbles.

I am finding inspiration everywhere.

I am the sacred spirit.

I am song of devotion.

I am rewriting what's expected.

I am the strong sensitive type.

I am fire and crystal untold.

I am love and lust.

I am the high and low.

I am displaying layers of meaning.

I am evolving one wild and precious life.

I am luminous in the dark.

I am hungry for change.

I am open for fun.

I am tender.

I am integrating new ways.

I am Phoenix Rising...with a touch of self adhesive.

I am the evolution of connection.

I am found.

I am unbroken.

I am kaleidoscope alchemy.

I am soulflower.

I am a new degree of possibility.

I am ready to make it happen.

I am a cake for every occasion.

I am radiant nude.

I am the hungry traveler.

I am finding creative freedom.

I am a traveler of delicious comforts.

I am a part of it all.

I am absorbing delicious self discovery.

I am destined to be dazzled.

I am a magical place.

I am room for a miracle.

I am the co-existence of light and shadow.

I am beginning.

I am tender warrior.

I am intense and light at the same time.

I am glitter and glass.

I am a player of light.

I am first, gooey, sensitive.

I am a soul of light, all aglow.

I am the only centerpiece.

I am today.

I am (fill in yours here).

(Compiled from the circle of women in Spirits of Joy, A vision book course running through January. Can you feel the breath, the pulse, the safety and the penetration into a deeper spirit? This is how we breathe in circles.)

Often the best way we can see ourselves is through the reflection not in a mirror but in the eyes of compassion, empathy and fierce magic. Someone who has walked in our story. And then we become that for another. And the breath we exhale becomes their inhale and we need not push or judge because we find ourselves in safety.

And the 'I am' that surprises us from found words. Another's words becoming where we are traveling to next or holding us in a pause that is about to transform into tomorrow.

In a circle is where breath can expand and flow from one to another and words are held by the hands and hearts of community of choice. It is where space can be held to listen. Space where you are heard and no one is trying to solve you, just see you.

Soulwork is how we commune. Story is how we gather. Prompting is where we grow. Listening is how we feed. Prayer is how we ask and accept. Surrender is what leads us to change. Showing up in our now is how we embody all we desire.

 

“There is a community of the spirit.

Join it, and feel the delight

of walking in the noisy street

and being the noise.

Drink all your passion,

and be a disgrace.

Close both eyes

to see with the other eye” ~ Rumi

***

Questions keep floating in about Magic Making Circle ::

The number I hold inside of a circle always carries an energy for me. 100 is my sweet spot. When the group is given boundaries and accountability and freedom and modeling it thrives.

Magic Making Circle will be capped at 100. There seems to be a lot of fear around this number. We may or may not get to 100 but that is the number I am visioning as the maximum of sweet spot energy and community. I love 100. It also will be the only group you'll be able to work with me inside of for 6 months, so my desire is that for those who love prompts and soulwork and the circling with women, that they choose to take this journey with us. My goal was to keep the investment affordable and open the access to a powerful circle to those who believe in the work and the practice. Masterminds with 20 or less tend to average in the thousands and I want to create a model that works for me and my life, and what I know is your life. So I am creating circles, rather than masterminds. I am finding ways to keep the mastermind option open but not vital to the circle.

A circle holds power because it is a community of choosing. This cannot be underestimated.

Can 100 people be intimate? Well, I decided to ask my circle of 409 women, who have all been part of one or multiple programs I have run over the last few years, to talk about this. Here is what some had to say.

"The unique power of Hannah's circles, even the very large Alumni group, feels as though I'm sitting in a cozy living room with my most precious, loving friends, with their arms around me." ~ Lisa

"You are a beautiful soul, through and through authentic and you have the gift of bringing women together to make magic in their lives and hearts . It is felt so viscerally no matter the size of the group." ~ AnaLisa

"There is something so important and so soul-filling about having a strong circle of love, support, and stretch." ~ Xandra

"There is something very different about how Hannah's groups form. There is an unspoken congruence that is felt within this safe space. Hannah is not in your face every single moment, seeking attention, in fact she has the balance right, she passes it over to us. She's there to guide, facilitate, prompt, nudge and cajole us. Everyone is incredibly supportive in ways that are hard to describe. These are a band of women who want to create good in their worlds to turn around their thoughts and perspectives, and ultimately be surrounded by love and joy rather than be faced with negativity and hate. What I have experienced here is that when you begin to flourish, the group holds you and prods you to move even further into your light, stretching yourself without breaking. All of this refers to a group of approximately 400! With Hannah at the Helm, it will be magic." ~ Julia

"We are all walking a different path and whenever i have reached out to this group i have received an abundance of unique responses. it's like drawing on the deepest, most beautiful and loving wellspring of knowledge and experiences! when i circle with these women i can be my true self. there is no criticism, judgement or negativity. i have only ever received love, understanding & constructive feedback. i can go deeper with my vulnerability within the open arms of this group and grow even more from witnessing the journey of others." ~ Jenny

"Wherever you are in the world, whatever time of day , if you need to talk, someone somewhere will answer. We are global." ~ Mary

I hope these voices help you to glimpse what this circle will feel like.

Other questions ::

Can you explain the monthly calls?

Yes!!! We will do the 6 monhtly calls via a Spreecast. Spreecast is a video feed that allows me to either talk and receive questions via a live written feed or I can bring someone on with me in person. Most of the Spreecasts will be with me addressing the written feed, but there may be times I arrange to have someone come on as a guest if appropriate. These will be recorded.

Often a question from one is a question from many. That is what these Spreecasts will hope to achieve, a way to in live time address where you are, what is coming up, what questions you have. You will be able to chat with eac hother over on the side in live time. If you miss the feed live you can watch and then come to the group page later and we'll still be talking about all of it.

How much time will we need to commit to the circle?

What you put in is what will be returned. For some that will be a large investment, for others it will be smaller. We all land and show up in different places. There is no wrong or right, there is what you need, what you desire. I cannot create this investment for you, you must decide this.

Some of you may be inside a 'cave' right now in your lives or a highly sensitive bubble of protection, as I was for years. You may be inside of raising multiple children while wanting to foster a passion or desire or skill. Some will be inside of already thriving businesses and looking to have a place they can go to for support and perhaps a new direction. There are some who may be quietly reading and processing inside of the group while others are out there, asking, probing, sharing. We all are able to gain such insight and movement from those who have more time or are more open to posting in the group.

I will ask of you that if you feel shy or quiet that you push your boundaries just a bit and spend some time learning to connect in this way that will draw you to the story of others and they to you. I will ask of you to learn to hold space for each other without trying to fix or compare, but to listen and create safety. I will ask that you show up. I will ask that you learn to land outside of comfort zones into desires.

For those who are ready to commit even further to their work or passions there will be gathering weekends at the Loft in Rhode Island for seriously fun and productive masterminds. You'll get all of me for a weekend to explore, question, hold space and prompt you forward. This is a beautiful opportunity to gather a friend or colleague or two and create a fantastic weekend together. (These will be announced in February.)

Having a circle like this to hold you, the talkative or the shy, the open or the cautious, is a gift. One that we will adventure inside of for half of a year. I am beyond grateful to have this time together.

This circle will become a network of women lifting you up, seeing you, listening to you, pulsing along with your unique vibration. You will discover how we breathe in circles.

And it will be beautiful.

Magic Making Circle ~ You've got questions.

Questions are floating in around the circle. I love a good question that I can dive into. It challenges me further and allows me to expand and find more ease.

As I was making this video my little one was taking a bubble bath at the Loft.

Right around the 8 minute mark after he is calling me and calling me I finally scream, "Just a minute I am making my video." So cover your ears or something!

And as I was thinking oh damn, do I have to remake this or edit, I recieve this email, seriously, as the video was uploading ::

"Dear sweet beautiful BRAVE Hannah~

I found you a year ago or so or more ....I remember the day I first watch your video and you could hear the kids in the background....you adjusted the computer and drank your coffee. 

 

I thought what is this???? Its really kind of cool and she is so brave and cool and a mom and wow this is fascinating...the entire process!"

 

So the truth is that I am evolving. I don't pretend to be somewhere I am not. Now I am making videos with my kid in the bathtub. I want you to know that if I can build this business from the ground up raising three kids, no babysitter, you can do anything. Anything you want. We get to choose. I choose to parent and work. I like being with my little guy and hearing him play legos while I upload videos. I love that he understands my work and the Loft and manifesting in the most beautiful 5 year old way. He also has feedback that I say 'um' too much. Yes, Lucas, I'm trying dude, I'm trying!

 

So I leave it in. Next year maybe I'll have fancy lights and a better camera. I started this video making years ago in my mini van infront of Barnes and Noble balancing my laptop on the steering wheel! Yes, I love to see where I've been and where I'm going. But mostly I love where I am.

 

Wherever you are, this circle will be a beautiful support system in your life. You will grow, you will step into more ease, you will get shit done, you will embrace the sacred in money and planning and sticky notes, you will see how visioning can take you into the next iteration of you and your business.

 

Have more questions? Leave them below. Let's keep this conversation going.

 

Magic Making Circle. Its going to be a good good time.

 

Article link mentioned in video. Seriously a beautiful story.

 

Magic Making Circle Questions from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

Sugar Candy

What :: A night of journeying through crafts, delicious foods and spirits, and the creation that happens inside of spiritual fun

Why :: To gather, relax, restore and play within a magical, fiercely feminine community

When :: January 31st, 7-10:30pm at The Loft, Hope Artiste Village, Pawtucket, Rhode Island

Cost :: $65 Register below, spaces are limited to 16 and we expect them to fly!

 

SOLD OUT!

"We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."

~ Sir Winston Churchill

What if for one night you could play as though you were sugar candy? At ease, in the flow, giggling, hugging, lounging, creating and finding some of your own magic as you traveled through different worlds...

A few times a year the hosts of this Sugar Candy adventure gather at The Loft in Pawtucket, Rhode Island and have a weekend where we lift each other up. Part fun, part mastermind, part open to what the days bring us. There is bubbly and the city lights, there are vision books and beautiful meals. There is giggling and tears. We leave the weekends restored, relaxed and flowing in our own fierce magic.

These weekends have become my grounding because gathering in person when living such an online life shifts everything around for me. It is like being inverted so the blood can flow away from tired feet. And I adore these women. We like to theme our weekends and as we were planning our next gathering the thought of how we could bring some of this energy to our larger magic community came up.

And Sugar Candy was born.

Come journey through different worlds and all of your senses at The Loft with the magic of women around you. There will be extra twinkles for this one.

Little Altars Station

Our altars are the physical representation of our internal landscape. They are the tender keepers of our innermost wishes and prayers for ourselves, turning corners of our home into small escapes or beautiful reminders of who we are deep inside.

During Sugar Candy, you will be charged with creating your own travel sized altar, so that you might begin to bring the inspiration and reminder of an altar to moments when you need it the most - on the go and moving about the world. During this mini-workshop, Mara will guide you and your creative spirit in cultivating a mini altar in a small tin box, perfect for putting in your pocket or purse. Using feather, sand, magazine clipping, fabric, glitter, and color, constructing these mini altars provide the perfect momentary escape and benefit of taking your bits of inspiration with you, everywhere that you go. 

 Sugar Glow Skin Station

 Make your own skin softening body scrub using therapeutic oils, natural fragrances, and raw sugar.  Coffee~vanilla, lemon~peppermint, and grapefruit~sage are just some of the decadent flavors you’ll play with, as you hand mix a delicious body scrub to take home.  Join Persephone as she guides you to discover your unique blend, knowing it is just another little something that adds to your shine.

You will feel like raw vibrating sugar candy!

Superpower Your Intentions! Reiki Station

Do you have a guiding word for 2014? An intention you’re working with? A newish practice you’re incorporating into your now?

Let’s reiki that shizz together! Throughout the evening, Sarah will be offering 10-15 min private reiki sessions in the yummiest, most relaxing corner of the Loft. Come and bathe in this delicious energy work, receiving just what you need to support you on your path: physically, emotionally, spiritually. You’ll come away with a special reiki-charged treasure to remind you of your superpowers, as well as written notes of the questions you are asking and the insights you receive. Get superpowered with me!

Mini Visioning Station

Soulwork is about connection to self, to the now and that future woman we see and want to flow into. We come alive as we find a part of ourselves that has been lost or longing to come out.

Hannah will guide you to create mini pages filled with words and visions and feelings that surround them. As you do this you harness the true magic of the Universe. You vibrate in a new way. These books that you'll tuck in your pocket become a way for you to align what you want with what you have. They create manifesting magic in your life. Visioning allows you to love this life now while creating a future of your dreams. 

Prosecco Bar

You know the ice cream sundae bar right? Well, we like to drink bubbly during our weekend gatherings. Create your perfect glass of bubbly to travel with you through the stations with all the little treats and treasures we'll have out for you. Infuse beauty into your sugar candy cocktail. We think we are pretty brilliant with this one.

Savory and Sweet Station

Feasting with all of our senses, not just taste is pure pleasure. Yes, pleasure. Eating sensuously. Making a gorgeous plate. Simple foods. Feeding ourselves when hungry and feeding our desires. We will show you some of our tricks and secrets for creating a beautiful table and plate. So be ready to nibble.

Meet the women who will be joining me as your Sugar Candy hosts :: Sarah, Persephone and Mara. My Lift Up women who will be guiding you into the sweet adventure.

Meet Sarah Rubin

Hi, I'm Sarah, yogi and healer, queen of compassionate listening and living, deeply devoted to rocking my most authentic, connected, and fun life. I am beyond thrilled to be collaborating with these three beautiful friends/supreme magic makers to create an evening of epic sweetness for those who are ready to taste their own beauty!

Meet Persephone Brown

Hi, I’m Persephone, an inspired chef & coach, lover of pretty food, and master of the gluten free brownie.  For Sugar Candy, I am putting aside my chefs knife and grabbing the mixing bowls, oils & natural fragrances.   We will use the processed sugar that our bodies don’t love on the inside to make something our bodies (and anyone who touches them) will super love on the outside. 

Meet Mara Glatzel

I’m Mara Glatzel. I am an intuitive coach and writer. I work with brave women that have a sacred (and stubborn) desire for evolution by guiding them home to themselves and teaching them how to cultivate lives grounded self-love, self-trust, and radical self-responsibility. Quite simply, I believe that is your birthright to show up in your life brilliantly and with unbridled joy.

In creating this sacred space for women to thrive, I’m bringing a Masters in Clinical Social Work with a trauma specialization, my spot-on intuition, and the lessons that I’ve accumulated learning to fall madly in love with my own beautifully messy life. I believe that when you love yourself and have your own back – anything is possible.

 

 

Sexy and Sanguine

What :: 2 weeks of sexy and sanguine soulwork prompts, challenges and explorations

Why :: Confidence is freaking HOT.

When :: This program will return in the FALL!

Do you truly know her?

Your rogue ecstasy, your story of fantasy, your beautiful spaces?

Have you embraced the romance of waking up in your skin?

Can you feel the sensuality inside of grey, the rawness of an orange sky, the taste of a kiss full of red wine?

Do you reflect your light in others and draw their curiosity of pleasure into you?

Have you ripened? Have you ripened?

In a past life/future life have you stood in the blossoming of your sexuality with your senses exploding, in the gift of feeling?

And from that self that was or will be can you feel her guiding you?

Are you sexy and sanguine?

Do you feel belly passion?

Can you close your eyes and paint your beauty by numbers?

Is there a knowing in your toes, your ears, your breasts that each piece of you is loved and sacred and on the journey towards whole?

Is there a candle waiting to be lit that is celebrating you, celebrating her, celebrating this gorgeous life that you have claimed?

And where can you whisper ‘oh yes. oh yes. oh yes’?

Let me take you there. To the yes. To the roughness of your edges and the dance of your awakening.

This. This is where we travel next.

Sexy :: Stimulating. Erotic. Desirable. Appealing. Hot.

Sanguine :: Bloodred. Temperament of cheerfulness. Confidence.

When I was 22 I was out walking with a friend. I had long blonde hair, worked out often, was a champion dieter, known for really good skin and living in Seattle pursuing acting, 2 years away from marriage. My friend said to me, "Whenever we are out I just watch men look at you, turn their heads."

2 days later I went to a Salon and cut off all my hair. Not in the cute or sexy-declaration-of-myself-as-a-woman way, in the I-don't-want-to-be-seen way.

It terrified me. My sexual self, at 22, she scared me. I wanted to hide from her. While many 22 year olds were out exploring their sexuality and beauty I found myself wanting to stuff it into a little box and find a hiding place for it. Part of my dieting history had so much to do with not wanting to be seen.

I was terrified of myself. Of my skin. Of my beauty. Of my yes.

This may not have been your 22 year old story. It may have happened after your marriage vows. Or when your first baby made her appearance. Maybe it was a story of a younger age or the fear of turning 50. Or maybe your sexual confidence just slowly faded as the role of young woman turned into wife, mother, worker, nurturer, tender, multi-tasker.

Confidence is alluring, hot, sexy.

Each year many of us choose a guiding word or phrase that will be the feeling we want to draw into our experiences, and it is a powerful practice. This year my guiding phrase is gracefully sexy. All to lead me further into hot confidence.

Confidence is gracefully sexy. Managing finances is gracefully sexy. Feeling delicious in your skin is gracefully sexy. Creating healthy boundaries is gracefully sexy.

Sexy and Sanguine Woman know...

• boundaries are beautiful.
• dreams come true from feelings.
• closets are sanctuaries.
• the shade of lipstick that lights them up, or the perfect lipgloss to plump.
• just when breakfast is for dinner and that bubbly can happen anytime, anywhere.
• the part of their body they always hated can actually guide their pleasure.
• pleasure.
• how to hold a gaze.
• how to receive. Really.
• how to stand in front of a mirror naked.
• to kiss and say hello before listing off complaints.
• beauty is in the details.
• how to hold space.
• feeling sexy is inside and out.
• that iterative living is gorgeous.
• how to take risks.
• saying yes is a turn on, after learning to say no.
• that listening changes everything.
• how to follow their animal spirit guide or tarot card into sacred space.
• that hot confidence is a practice.
• how to walk into a room and really see.
• how to ask the questions that flip it all around.
• that hot confidence is fierce magic.
• that an awakening is non-negotiable.

What you'll need for this course...

• A camera, iphone is great
• A journal to poem and vision in, I love Moleskines
• Some white space, clear the calendar a bit for some sexy and sanguine prompts
• A hot date, with yourself, with a girlfriend or many, with your lover... in celebration

A letter to you, New Year.

 

Dear 2014,

You are impossible to ignore as you make your arrival with fireworks and sleepy faces.

When I am turning a new age I start to think of myself as that next year months before it happens. With you 2014, I find myself, child of the seventies, feeling somewhat daunted by your numbers. Am I ready for you? Why do you always feel like a leap into time at an accelerated rate?

* Doesn't matter that I don't believe that one must completely reset their clock and set impossible resolutions on your arrival. They will and oddly enough, I find myself wanting to change everything, to start fresh, to have an overhaul using you as the beginning. So whatever, I am without a doubt, damn well open to change. I remember years ago when I took the recipes off my website and stopped running my cleanse, my only money maker. Terrified. And then I grew. So more of that.

* It is crazy hard to resist the urge to replay and revisit the last year. I don't believe I have to find closure or process every detail of it. I don't need a workbook or a spreadsheet. What I desire is more experiences that allow me to keep feeling free, loved and gently sexy as you arrive.

* Your presence lets me know where I am in my body. Last year I was pretty solid. This year I'm disconnected. I am off path. I don't feel like me. And I like me, I miss her. So thank you for reminding me as a marker of time where I am. I have some work to do to find me inside of my physical self.

* You have powerful fucking energy. You up gym memberships and fill Jenny Craig. You probably sell a lot of treadmills and bottled water. I plan to harness your energy and vision the hell out of my crazy life. That is how I New Year. Bam.

* Yes, I will drink more water. But I started days ago so you can't take all the credit you know?

* You are just a number but numbers are powerful. I like odd numbers yet won't freak out about your evenness. I'm going with it. And I'm 39 so that works.

* In 2013 I bought a ton of books. I know you want me to promise that upon your arrival I will read them all. Well, I won't. So that's that.

* I guarantee I will order more books that I mostly won't read once you get here. I just love books. And lipstick. And patchouli.

* I will have an iPhone 5.  Done.

* It seems I am a fairly intense person. That's not going to change. I like drama, but I am going to try to add a few more dashes of white space to my days.

* I'm going to write my book. You can take all the credit if you want.

xo

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun." Katharine Hepburn

Dear Santa.

Each year during the Holiday Joy Up we write letters to Santa, or The Universe. This letter touched my heart deeply and on the Eve of the New Year feels like the perfect time to share it. How many of us are holding onto the Plan B instead of our spirit's song?

Dear Santa,

As you know, my list has been the same for a magic 7 years now. On each 11:11 and every shooting star, carried on the wind with every dandelion seed. And each year one way or another, something else has been checked off. Often, in ways I never imagined it materializing. And now we are left with just the one wish. The big dog daddy. Honestly, I thought it was already delivered.

But the circumstances of the last few months have me wondering, questioning, and confused. And perhaps, that's why it feels like you've included some kind of COD clause I don't quite understand.

I suppose in truth, I have been consistent, but not exactly committed. Through the last 7 years of working and wishing (my magic formula to manifesting) toward our dreams I've always held onto a plan B. A backup game. A just in case, safe bet. And spent residual energy and funds to ensure that place exists, should "it not work out."

So this year, I'm letting go of plan B. Going all in -heart, soul, finances, ego, relationships. Anything that is not in service of the work, will be shed. I'm not saving anything for the trip back. I know that plan B will never make me feel safe, should it ever come to be. I know what I want. I know what makes my heart sing. And I know that you aren't really the one who gives it to me. But you are the one who reminds me of magic. I really need a big bag of pixie dust, a rainstorm of that fierce fucking magic that is inside of each of us, to shoot up and out of my heart.

This Christmas, all I want is to Believe in myself.

Besos,

Latisha

Latisha is a nature girl, plant philosopher, joy junkie and sensory herbalist. She believes the medicine is in the making and that play just might be the most potent ingredient in your potion. A little bit fairy, a little bit witch, she teaches lifestyle herbalism at HerbMother.com.

Yes Chloe, I do understand your sensitivity.

 

(Photo 2008, those ferns in the back, most definitlely have died.)

"My own mother doesn't understand my sensitive nature!!!"

When my daughter screamed at me the other night that I didn't understand her sensitivity, I locked myself in the bedroom with a cup of tea, and my computer, and let her father deal with it.

The next morning he said, "Hey, so I have an idea for you to have a really good day today. Just tell Chloe you are sorry."

I didn't want to say sorry. I wanted to tell her::

When you were a baby you cried 8-9 hours a day. Everything about becoming a parent was shattered in my heart. I loved you but I couldn't understand what I had done to create a baby so sad, so hurt, so wanting, so lost, so hurt.

And I held you as you cried and I cried. We spent the next 6 months this way. I never thought it would end. Somehow it did.

But then you continunued to need to nurse all night long to stay asleep. If I even moved my body you would wake. You would nurse so many times a night that I thought I would dry up and fade away. The women in my life told me to let you cry it out. But I knew that you needed me in a way I couldn't explain. Something inside of me knew I had to do this for you.

Then you turned 2 and I knew you were ready. I told you that we would be having our last nurse before you fell asleep and then nurse again in the morning. We spent two nights with you hitting me, screaming at me, punching my back because I had to turn away and cry while you worked out your pain.

My relationship with the man I fell in love with at 19 suffered because I had nothing in me to give him. I was used up. Neither of us blame kids, but we both know that we lost each other.

I protected you with a fierceness that only a mama bear, or a mama with a child with highly sensitive needs understands. You became my world. I no longer recognized myself. You were my reality.

We would go to story time, you were almost three years old, me pregnant with your brother, and you would have to nurse 4 times to make it through. Thank God for my friends who I met when we moved, who also nursed toddlers. I'm not sure I would have made it through that time without them.

I loved your sensitivity. I nurtured it. I lived it. I became it. I am it.

Now you are 11. Sensitive. Beautiful. Smarter than I may ever have been. Not obesessed with boys (can't relate!). An artist that somehow grew from my belly.

Yes Chloe, I do understand your sensitivity.

Inside of my own sensitivity I didn't know how to just let you be seen and understood. Then your father told me to say sorry. And when I did you looked at me with such joy and said, "Thank you." It was that simple.

You healed my own child's heart showing me how easy it can be. That I don't have to lecture you, or be right. That I can just say sorry and make your eyes sparkle and your love for me shine.

So I will say sorry over and over and over when I make you feel wrong. Because well, I'm kind of senstitive too.

I kind of really truly love us this way.

She said.

She said, "You amaze me."

She said, "I need to go within."

She said, "Neither of us knew what we were seeking, right?"

She said, "And we learn perspectives, and how to flip it and we talk about things without projecting or manipulating emotions and eventually it can become graceful."

She said, "I am thinking about your heart."

She said, "So much magic flowing from this."

She said, "I need a hashtag."

She said, "I could feel you open to feel it."

She said, "Love you."

She said, "Bubbles make me silly."

She said, "I am excited to see you."

She said, "There will be wine."

She said, "How are you?"

She said, "Wish we lived closer."

She said, "Hey sweet bird."

She said, "Either way I love you and love you and love you."

She said, "Joy I could not need more."

She said, "I neeeeeeeeed you."

She said, "I missed you too."

She said, "Thanks."

She said, "Holding you."

She said, "Always here to talk about the hard shit."

She said, "We can learn to separate the person from the gift."

She said, "I adore you."

She said, "You are on fire."

She said, "I just cried."

She said, "It takes a piece of my soul."

She said, "I have a vulnerability hangover."

She said the words that make me who I am. That shape me. That heal me. That save me. That make me laugh. That allow me to be there for her. That help me stop for one minute and feel.

She is my tribe. My women. My circle.

If the words I send back can be half as vital to the hearts that receive them as these are to me, I am doing OK.

***

Join a magical circle and find the words that are waiting for you to hear. That will shape you. That will heal you. That will save you. That will make you laugh. That will allow you to be there for her. That will help you stop for one minute and feel.

They are your tribe. Your women. Your circle.

Magic Making Circle.

The sex of an oyster. Instructions for shucking her.

Insert the blade.

She is a filter feeder. She cleans your water and purifies your fears. The lust to taste her body your motivation.

Use moderate force.

You play until you find the right touch, the vibration that will allow you to be invited into her. Each time you hold her she will require a new touch, a force that you must discover as you hold her in your hand.

At the hinge, twist the blade.

Once you've found the spot where she opens, the vibration of the crack is now inside of you. You are the compulsion behind her opening.

Feel the pop.

Her flesh is now your gift, your longing from the purification that had been her only purpose.

Slide the blade up and disconnect that which still holds her together.

Her lips open. Draw her in and be there wholly in her unearthing of how present you are to only her in this moment.

Shucked. Now taste.

Soft, fleshy. She guides you. When you feel her on your tongue she yields and slips into you.

Repeat.

My HSP favorite things.

When my 5 year old screams because he has to change his pants and can't transition from one pair into the next I can feel it. He is a highly sensitive child with highly sensitive skin. I have the same skin. I remember as a child the feeling of a sweater on my skin making me want to climb out of my body.

I spent years buying clothes in stores that I loved but when I got home would put on and change within 10 minutes. My husband would know the level of my sensitivity based on how many piles of clothes were laying on the floor after a manic morning trying on outfit after outfit.

Once I discovered these Etsy designers getting dressed changed. I stopped spending money on clothes that ended up at Salvation Army and invested more money in fewer pieces.

Here is what I need. Soft, soft fabric. It needs to flow and feel like part of how I move. I need my color story. Black, white, grey, mocha. Mostly black. I feel right in that story.

These are some of my favorites.

1. Onor oversized sweater, feels like a throw back to my youth. The sweater I would have always wanted. I have trouble feeling comfortable in sweaters. This one I can wear. Not scratchy and in my favorite slouchy style. Don't get thrown by the maternity listing, all of her shirts are big but you don't need to be pregnant. I own so many of her shirts and can't get enough. I can't wear tight shirts over my belly and so this style is the one I have been so excited to find.

2. LeMuse evening cotton black asymmetric dress. I feel fully like myself in this dress. I wear it with a chunky belt and long socks with sassy boots. It feels like the softest fabric falling over your skin.

3. Marcella Moda clothes fill my closet. The butterfly. I have 2 of these and it is the shirt I put on when I feel wrong in my skin. When I can't get dressed without feeling a bit panicked. They are 20% off today and I will probably get another! Maybe in another color. I feel beautiful in this shirt.

4. Trixy Xchange long black arm warmers. I live in these. I don't like long sleeves, I prefer a 3/4 sleeve (my sensitivity thing) or sleeves that I can push up to 3/4 and so putting on these makes me a little warmer and feel really cozy and funky.

And these are some of my favorite things.

1. Trust yourself is my scent. Anna is amazing. The description of this alone makes you feel more in your body.

2. Patina Pleat Ring my favorite ring. I lost it. My kid said, "Maybe it is in the toilet and someone flushed it." And since it is the last place I left it, the bathroom not the toilet, I kind of think it may have been flushed. I asked for a new one for Christmas.

3. Buy music directly from the artist. Jonatha is beyond incredible, she is a spirit guide of voice and story.

4. Not shown is my favorite new infinity scarf. I have it in black and probably need it in another color. Infinity scarves are the only ones I can wear, they don't fall off or need adjusting. They make an outfit go from boring to put together. And I think they feel sexy.

A little lipstick talk with mascara thrown in.

 

 1. 2. Bite lipstick in Moscato and Sancerre. It is so smooth and gorgeous and cashmere-like.

3. Heat wave. Hot. Yummy. Sexy.

4. Love this stuff, love the bamboo.

A few of my favorite things. Happy Holidays loves.

if you travel far enough.

"If you travel far enough,

one day you will recognize yourself

coming down the road to meet you.

And you will say

YES."

~ Marion Woodward

An answer to a beautiful question...

Sometimes I wake up and I have pains from my head down my jaw and into my shoulders. Maybe sinus,maybe clenching, maybe stress but most likely all three. I should take stock in Motrin.

I get panic attacks. They have become more like waves than sitting outside the emergency room waiting for the impending heart attack. Those were last year. This year the waves.

My kids fight a lot of the time and it brings me to my knees. And then I yell and knees aren't low enough for how I fall.

I put on weight when I am in a place of unknowing, or cocooning, or feeling scared. And then looking in the mirror is hard. I do it anyway and it can feel like physical pain to know that I am back here again. Learning the same thing over and over and over.

And over. And needing the next size jeans.

I forget to drink water. I wish I could be hooked up to an IV and hydrated once a week. Sometimes I even buy a gatorade and drink it as fast as I can.

I am driving on two flat tires because making appointments to have things or teeth or body parts fixed is not my strength.

I killed my daughter's fish, got mad at Patrick last night because I didn't think he was being supportive (think being the word here) and let my 8 year old stay home because I didn't want to be alone today.

When I got my circle tattoo on my finger they didn't close the circle. I thought they did. But they didn't. And I believe it is the Universe giving me a sign and maybe someday I will close it. Or not.

Sometimes I hurt when I think friends no longer like me or don't need what I give. When I put my heart into things and then feel sad. The fear of losing relationships a constant and getting lost in that, but more than that. Knowing that it does happen and I will be OK. I will be OK.

Some days I can't find my gratitude and I feel like I complained and hid and threw tantrums.

There are memories that haunt me and cycle back into my body and I want to free them.

I am intense and it can be a lot for others to hold.

At 6pm I realize I have nothing for dinner.

This is why my hot cup of coffee each morning made for me with love is sacred.
This is why I wear beautiful jewelry every day and dress myself for how I want to feel.
This is why I pray through words, altars, surrender, tea bags, giggles, connection, texts.
This is why fresh flowers matter.
This is why I send love notes through Fb, texts, the mail, feathers, lipstick, emails.
This is why the picture of the feather my daughter drew for me reminds me that she is watching.
This is why I circle with women who believe in magic and risk and doing things that feel out of their comfort zone.
This is why I keep trying and hoping when every sign points to the shitstorm.
This is why soulwork saves my soul.
This is why there are so many pictures of me on Instagram.
This is why one bite of a chocolate cupcake wearing a vegan leather jacket can feel like a tiny piece of bliss.
This is why gratitude looks like a piece of pie or meeting your girlfriend at the mall on a Wednesday night or patience for feelings you have inside.
This is why I often send out the SOS text for a bottle of red around 5:00pm.
This is why that hug on the beach, barefoot and crying will happen. Over and over.
This is why when I find a shirt that feels like heaven on my skin I buy 4. And then 5.
This is why I don't have to ask how you feel but rather how you want to feel inside of your beautiful dreams.
This is why your stories are mine. Mine yours. And every word is precious.
This is why beautiful is one of my favorite words and joy lives in my gut.
This is why I no longer try to make everyone happy but rather live in my truth.
This is why the irony of scared and sacred isn't lost on me.
This is why there is no doubt magic exists.
This is why love takes so many shapes. Even an unclosed circle.
This is why I love this life now.
This is why I say thank you to my own heart.
This is why when I go to bed I think about who I want to be the next day.
This is why waking up to that coffee is my starting moment, with each sip telling me a story of now.

This is why.

Because it isn't happening to me, it is happening within me.

This is why.

The shifts that I can make blow my mind. So can the sadness I feel. So can the love.

This is why seeing how much beauty exists, even inside of pain, forever guides me.

This is why I travel.

This is my yes.

***

(From Thursday morning love letter from me to you. Sign up in the box up there on the right to receive your little Thursday morning love.)

My answer.

Photo Ruth Clark Photography.

So hard to let go. And say good-bye.

The yes I am always guiding others towards.

The yes of intuition and making your body feel at peace, release.

The yes of taking care of you, over all else so that you can show up as the brilliant gorgeous you.

The yes of knowing when you don't know and settling into the pain and prayer of that moment.

The yes when a decision is made, even if it is saying good-bye.

This Holiday Joy Up will be the last official Joy Up. There will be a celebration of all that has been and all that will be. We will honor the beauty that has held a tribe born out of the question, "Can you increase the amount of joy in your life in just 10 days?"

That was 2 1/2 years ago.

Hundreds of women have lifted themselves up inside of the space and days traveling through Joy Ups.

My life has been changed and twisted and loved up and pulled into joy.

And now my yes is saying good-bye and honoring the beauty of these travels together.

This December we will journey as a group into the final live group Joy Up program.

I am ready for the new creations that are inside of me wanting to be born. But mostly I desire going deeper and asking that of you. The you who is ready to find your own yes. In 2014 I will spread my wings and take us together on new adventures through magic and gorgeous living and truth.

When this yes became clear to me I fought it for a bit and tried to find ways around it. And everything in my body kept leading me back to the joy of a decision made inside of growth and change and surrender.

This December we will journey as a group into 24 days of the magic of Joying Up.

We will spiral together through prompts that allow us to see each moment through the eyes of joy. Joy doesn't mean being happy, joy means feeling it all, having access to everything that you hold inside. We will spiral.

Finding the yes that is waiting to be born inside of you is beauty.

This December come along with us. Into a Joy Up.

The yes can lead to a moment that is hard to let go of.

The yes might mean saying good-bye.

The yes could lead to a celebration of all that was, is and will be.

And so it is.

The Holiday Joy Up