Love Note to Britta.

When I launched Spirits of Joy last September, on my birthday, in gift form as part of my practice of gratitude, over 600 women signed up in one day. I didn't even have the head space to take in that kind of number. My paid programs can hit about 200 over the course of a month and despite the fact that it was a gift it is still a powerful exchange of energy to sign up for a course, and it felt really big.

Big in a way that I wasn't sure I was ready to hold the bigness.

I had the bones of the course but needed to fill it in and simplify it for the 30 days. Every time I would sit down to write I would go blank, numb out or start crying.

I skyped with my coach Britta.

I cried into my cloth napkin. I was in an upper limit crisis and she held it with me. Softly we talked about my fear of being so seen and witnessed and that now every word felt like it was being judged or held infront of eyes that would surely tell me I was a fake. I cried more.

This is a place we will all get to, most likely not just once. When we move past what we have held as limiting beliefs and into what we at a soullular level have always known to be true.

She had me send her some test letters from the program. And each one I sent she explained why it worked, why it was exactly as it should be, why I didn't need to push any harder.

I manifested my coach into my life.

A couple years ago I connected with a publisher or book agent or something (I can't remember) who lived in the town Britta lives. I remember adding to my visions that I would work on my book, my writing, my message in word form with a woman from this town. I couldn't remember her name or website so she was really indescript.

Britta came into my life through one of my Joy Up programs.

One day shortly after she became a book coach. We have been coaching each other since. This woman from this town who is helping me with my message in word form. I like to say I manifested her. She is also one of my best friends. We match.

My book coach is having a baby. Well, two babies actually.

Her family of four will soon be six and I am wrapping them in love bubbles as I know how this transition will feel a bit like my upper limit and last a hell of a lot longer. You know the thing you've wanted so deeply and then you get even more than you expected? Like that. I imagine twins can feel like that.

I am in a place of transition and discovery and bigness in so many ways right now, in this moment.

My coach sends me notes to let me know I am being seen and has taught me how to share more details so that I can connect to my readers in the way I long for, they long for.

She breaks shit down for me that I could never see. Each time I see an email from her it is like opening a love note (my love language is words of affirmation) and I trust her to guide me closer and closer to my book.

One day we had a drink together in her magical town.

She asked me one question that changed everything in my life and allowed me to move into my truth. (For now I keep that detail my own!) That was us as friends, thank you Universe for friends like that.

This is my love note to Britta.

Britta, the way I write, the way I show up in this world is forever altered and my spirit feels her wings because one day I manifested you, from your town, to help me share my message through words.

Damn, I visioned that one right.

When I launched Spirits of Joy again, this time as a paid program, I was able to look back at the last 5 ish months and see and feel the bigness. I remembered the cloth napkin I cried into. I saw the women in my mind who showed up for themselves and started to learn how magical visioning is.

And I needed to say thank you.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

 

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a injured ribs from yoga, lots of decaf and praying, loving the sunshine on this magical March day and so excited to get my eyebrows waxed tomorrow kind of woman.

I took a healing and life shifting trip to Oregon which I'll share more about soon. Some of the women on the trip have started to share their words. I can't read these posts without crying. I will be sitting down to share more about this kind of circling with women soon, I just have to let the words find their way through me::

Andrea

Kelly

Jessica ~ Here are the sea elves Kelly mentioned if you need some magic!

***

Something about this art from Mati makes me feel such magic in how we show up in each other's lives for the healing process and how it occurs over the course of our lives, with an assortment of people.

This little guy sits on my bathroom sink in my new space (more about that soon)! Thank you Michelle!

On my list of carve out time for, I adore David and Maggie.

***

I will be teaching at retreats in WA and NC this year. If you are feeling adventure, self-love, time for deep healing/dreaming/resting/integrating/discovering - I would love to wrap my arms around you at one of these beautiful gatherings.

April:: Feast 

October:: Serendipity

***

I am thrilled to be offering this as an online group course again this month. The impact on your life from glue sticks and magazines is rather hard to wrap your brain around. It is about doing the work and allowing yourself to fully feel what you want from this life. Join us...

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”   ~ Rumi

Seeking. The Awakening Woman ~ Sarah Rubin

 

After I shakily hit publish on my Awakening post my inbox lit up. Women writing to share with me how they were stepping into their own awakenings and desperately wanting to free themselves from the voices that have kept them outside of the ease of pleasure inside of their own skin. The women tend to be right around my age and have moved into a knowing with their bodies that was not present before. They are opening, stretching and gliding into a deeper sensuality, sexuality, pleasure and knowing of self - an opening that often comes with great struggle and confusion preceeding - and they are embracing being in community with other women who are wrapping words and experience around these awakenings.

Sarah sent these words to me after reading my own and I knew that I could carve the space for these voices to unite and expand out our definition of sensuality and awakenings. In these guest posts I am seeking out the awakening woman and I will share her voice with you.

Please welcome my sweet friend Sarah as she walks us through a piece of her journey into her awakening.

***

What My Body Tells Me

Body-mind-heart-spirit connection. All that I've ever experienced in this life - and maybe even before - lodged, held, and expressed in my cells, tissues, bones.

Hot flashes. Night sweats. Years of yo-yo-ing hormone levels. Periods just about gone for good. I’ve gone from denial to despair to annoyance and back again, searching for the perfect cure for these symptoms every time they flare. But lately, I’ve decided to go deeper, to ask my body - what is this all about? What are the lessons for me here??

And I've paid attention. The days - few and far between now - when my period does show up seem to be momentous ones. The final day of our anniversary trip to Central America, a time-out-of-time celebration of our marriage. The day the lights came back on post-Sandy. Both times, coming on the heels of intense stress, these were days of great relief/release/restoration of how I truly wish to feel.

The hot flashes. I've always wondered why they come when they come. One night recently, I wrote down any conscious thoughts I was having as the heat began to rise. The pattern was clear - 7 out of 7 times, the root of the thought was that I was somehow not measuring up to other people's expectations. It was a shame-flash that turned into an extended, sweaty hot flash. Whoa.

There are so many deep lessons in all of this. So many echoes of my life showing up in my body. How deeply I've internalized the need to please, the need to have someone else validate my worthiness. How much I’ve held inside this body.

Every time my protective self springs into action...because that’s what she needed to do from so very early on...I recoil, retreat, put up the walls. I throw a thick blanket over my desires, my vibrancy, my sexuality. Only in very specific circumstances does that blanket get lifted.

The parallels exist. I feel them. For the past 5 years I’ve been in a process of unravelling, of uncovering, of touching into deeper spaces. At the same time, I’ve needed to retreat and protect. In order to be vulnerable. In order to heal. Everything happens for a reason, and this is the way my healing needed to happen.

So is it a coincidence that the past 5 years of my life have been shadowed by peri-menopause? Deep pockets of shame reflected in flashes of heat? That thick blanket of protection reflected in ovaries who have declared themselves dying or dead? The full extent of my sexuality walled off and kept at bay, reflected in a body gone dry? It hurts me to recognize the shades of truth in all of this.

Now. Knowing all of this, I’m not ready to hold a funeral. Not yet. I do not accept that the way things have been is the way they will continue to be. I know that my body, my spirit, my heart are more resilient than that. My true life, the one I was born to lead, starts now. In every moment, in every choice I make, from this day forward. Until death or the next awakening.

What’s next? I don’t know. I didn’t even know this post was coming until it came. I live right here: releasing expectations - my own, those of others. Releasing old patterns, protections that are no longer needed. Releasing all I’ve ever identified myself to be:

the one who has no sex drive
the one who is old beyond her years
the one who holds it all together
the one who needs to be perfect
the one who’s in control
the one who’s scared, frightened, and 4 years old
the one who doesn’t deserve to feel desire

Release, release, release.

*******************************

I’m Sarah J. Rubin. Wife, mom, yoga teacher, reiki master and accidental entrepreneur. Co-creator of Warrior Rising, a yoga and strength training studio for women. I support and hold space for women who are awakening to the truth of their bodies, while exploring deeper and deeper layers of my own “body of knowledge”. For me, the practice of writing and the practice of yoga are lovingly intertwined. Yoga invites me to go in and in, beyond words, into feelings and sensations. Flip the coin over, and my writing practice invites me to flow with those feelings, into story and meaning and truth. For the benefit of all beings (and especially those I live with), the work of my life can be summed up by this quote from Gabrielle Roth: “If you want to give birth to your true self, you are going to have to dig deep down into that body of yours and let your soul howl.”

sarahjrubin.com
warriorrising.com
facebook.com/sarahjrubin

Come vision with me.

Are you ready to play? (click here for yes)

When I have a question for myself I go into my stack of magazines and start opening to receive the messages. Visioning is a life changing practice of play, creativity and connection.

Are you ready to own your own gluestick?

When my hands are smeared with watercolors and glue and there are magazine trimmings tumbling around me I feel joy. The essence of joy, stepping into the doing, living creatively to open up.

Wanna' make some magic?

This practice is one of receiving, trust, beauty and a dash of magic. Close your eyes and imagine those in images:: receiving, trust, beauty and magic.

We are going to create that. Come play.

Details for the course are here...

I want.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

~ Rumi

I want to be settled being with myself, not worrying about loneliness.

I want to fall onto a bed full of the softest pillows and giggle with pleasure, not worrying that my teeth show when I smile big.

I want to look you in the eyes without pulling my gaze away, not worrying about my reactions or face, just being there as listener.

I want to dance when you play the music of your heart, not worrying if I look silly.

I want to open in embrace, not worrying about being wrong.

I want to surrender to my fear of having, not worrying about who judges or sees.

I want to fly off the cliff into the gentle water, not worrying that I am up too high.

I want to dance and open like the soul dances and opens, not worrying about what was or what will be.

I want to be here now, with you, all of you, not worrying about what could be, simply being.

I want for you the openess of surrender and the dance of joyful presence, not worrying about feeling wrong each day when you open your eyes.

There is no wrong. But there is wanting. And you sweet one, you may want and want and want...

***

This is my love note, from me to you. Each Thursday I send out a love note to my community who has signed up - right there in that little box in the upper right hand corner of my website - to receive them from me. When I write this note it is also from me to me. Right where I am. How I am taking up space and energy and shinging or hiding or bearing down or releasing. It is present, it is real.

I want to invite you into the poetry of my truth and allow the words to find you right where you are.

dance and open.

dance and open.

Seeking. The Awakening Woman Series.

"When you separate from your body, you also separate from the emotional, intuitive life of the body.

Your inner knowing. Your Yin.

Which is the voice of your freaking soul.

What women are seeking when they go to places like Mama Gena’s or The S Factor isn’t to learn how to please a man – any newsstand is loaded with magazines that promise to teach you how to do that — but to please themselves. They seek an ease and comfort inside their own skin, a release of authentic sensuality — their ‘erotic creature’ — in a way that they can integrate with the rest of their lives.

They are seeking wholeness." ~ Justine Musk, storytelling, soul + the power of the erotic

As I am gathering my heart power to launch this series, Justine is sharing the words that made me sure we had just walked on the beach together for hours talking about this seeking. I want us to bravely flow into the awakening that finds us and demands that we peel our layers.

***

The Nu Project (link will open to gorgeous female nudity)

I have been practicing self portraits now for almost a year. I remember the first time I took a picture of my belly, I was freaking out. And then I found such softness in letting myself really look at me, at the one place I have kept covered up and felt ashamed of for so long.

I have had a dream of creating a book much like this. I love that women are awakening inside of the truth of their beauty.

My belly is one of my favorite parts of myself now. This was an investment of my time and energy allowing the camera to show me, me. I love exploring self portraits of all parts of myself. I feel closer to the divine that is born inside, the one in all of us.

Deeply emotional beings, the feminine.

***

The Awakening Woman

After this post, my inbox filled with stories from women about their own awakenings. Stories about living inside of the layers of shame, the pain inside of their own bodies. I was hearing the moments they felt themselves start to free from their old stories of fear. The moments when they started to feel alive in their sexual/sensual power.

I felt hungry for more of these stories, to break through and touch the vulnerable.

***

Seeking. The Awakening Woman Series.

Featuring women I adore who are seeking their awakening, unwrapping their sensual selves. Stories of vulnerability, raw femine power and a coming out of sensual energy.

And it will be scary.

And it will be heart-lovingly real.

And so it will be.

Coming soon...

An #operationselfcarelikewhoa Live Event

A few months ago everything changed. The life I was inside of was no longer sustainable. I was burning out on my work, my family, myself. I was claiming no true space in this world to just be me. I am a rock star at being for others, or so I thought.

What I learned from hitting a level of awareness of myself that I never saw coming, was that I wasn't a rock star. I was a woman hanging on for dear life off the edge of a cliff. I wanted to be flying off that cliff, not dangling. And only one thing was missing to go from hanging on to flying... me.

I adopted a personal exploration called #operationselfcarelikewhoa and my entire life in just a few short months changed. Conversations full of truth and depth with myself and my family opened up a new level of being for me.

As I had set up this life around me that I should love and feel joyful in something achingly real was not present. I was taking up no space in this world as just Hannah. Just me.

Only a few months later since living inside of #operationselfcarelikewhoa as though my life depended on it, I found out it really did.

We are not here to simply live on this earth. We are here to experience, feel, evolve, desire, devour, share, dance and open.

I want to live sensually. The choices I make must revolve around feeling good and bringing good.

When we step into the deepest level of care for ourselves, meaning we CLAIM it, the dreams we never believed could come true start falling as though stars from the sky. Magic. Fierce, fierce magic.

Please join me and 9 other women as we Connect Up with ourselves. A day all about you. A day about experiencing each moment, from the candle light to the spa to the quiet moments to the joyful sounds of laughter. Because we are so going to laugh. And maybe cry!!!

Connect Up Live Event::

• We will meet nice and early in a gorgeous loft in Pawtucket, RI where lights will twinkle and tea will be hot. We will introduce ourselves and set an intention for our time together.
• After, we will carpool to a place that feels like bliss. Called Urban Sweat, with its multiple saunas and steam rooms, we will spend up to 4 hours simply being in complete surrender to relaxation, detoxification and sweat!
• At Urban Sweat there will be fresh juices and snacks as needed to nourish you through your time. There may be some poetry and writing, some chatting, alone time, we will flow...
• After we sweat and shower we'll head back to the loft for dinner. We will prepare our meal together, play music, vision, do some gentle yoga/relaxation while things simmer away and pop some Prosecco and sparkling cider.
• For those who wish to make this connection time an overnight stay, please email me and we can talk about the loft sleep-over or hotels in the area.
• Once you register more details will float in with transportation and overnight stay options. Please don't hesitate to ask for more specific details by emailing me at hello@hannahmarcotti.com

And March 8th just happens to be International Women's Day!!! I didn't plan that one!

I want you to know you.

I want you to spend time with you.

I want you to know how deeply worth it you are for taking this time.

I want you to know that arrangements can be made for the kids and you can step away.

I want you to know that your magic can't shine through fully if you aren't nurtured.

I want you to know how delicious your essence is.

I want you to know you.

I want you to desire this relationship as though it is your breath.

Sold out!!!

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a snow you can suck it kind of woman.

Love this woman. Love even more that she wrote this post and unknowingly to me I found the book a few weeks later. Bam.

One of my stunning clients who breathes life into herself through her words.

My gorgeous VA sent this to me, and yes. Just yes.

So honored.

More honor. Seriously, this still takes me by surprise that people ask me to answer their questions. Blessed.

Grab tissues. Just sayin'.

I adore her work, her style, her all.

Just a few spaces left...

My newest obsession...love language like whoa.

Only slightly jealous. I am adoring this woman and the work whe is bringing to the world.

More tissues, and I am in love with light. Shine baby, shine.

I remember the first time I said fuck on my blog, I was so scared, but that was being truly me. Now, no fears.

Michelle wore these in NYC for her gorgeous event, and look at this!!!

Thank you sweet one, so blessed to have your friendship!

Love, love, love the poetry.

So, yes, these are the scarves I've been wearing, love them.

Remembering the good witch.

"I remember thinking this was the most feeling person I had ever found and I thought it was just all too much."

This was from one of the women in my tribe who has made such gentle, soft changes to her life over the last year. I was cracking up as she told me her reaction to my blog when she first started reading. She went on, "I thought it was too much but I couldn't stop reading it. I was hooked, I read every word."

What she didn't know then was that she was a highly sensitive person. While she had spent years being told to numb out her feelings here I was rolling them out for the world and inviting her along. Giving her permission to feel, feel, feel.

Often my clients say I have a magic wand. The wand is magic simply because we all are born with magic.

I found myself recently spiraling inside of created feeling rather than truth feeling.This is the place were you push the edge of sabotage. I wanted someone to get angry at me. I was searching for a push away so that I didn't have to feel that one tricky emotion that I have become so adept at stuffing down.

Sadness.

But more than that this time, a new sadness, one inside of dreams coming true. Sadness that must flow through as the magic twirls around.

Oh yes, the peeling. The layers. 

The feeling we have been dreaming into reality one day is there, shows up. And we want to run.

I wanted to run, to do something to prove I didn't deserve it. To go back to the old ways that I know so well.

I walk into yoga, the theme of the night is surrender. I spend time with a friend and find myself hearing the word surrender fall from my lips. I come face to face with how I want to feel but the layers of sadness must be shed first, surrender. I am slipping into a healthy amount of space so I can radiate my light, surrender.

The fish shows up. Spirit guide that won't let me turn away.

Evolution of spirit. Awakening of one of the senses. Visions.

Swim, slide, glide, vision, ease, grace.

Remember the good witch? She tells Dorothy she had the power all along but how would Dorothy ever have known had she not walked with her spirit guides, experienced the fear and joy, shed her tears and slipped into surrender.

There is magic in feeling, accessing that huge exhale of surrender.

Magic wands of feeling, visions that arrive at 4am, peeling our old hurts. Hearts desiring anything we can dream into reality.

I will link arms with the fish, the witch, the surrender and skip on those yellow bricks.

Like a dance of magic I will ask you to follow, follow, follow...into your own truth feelings.

We aren't ever off the path, this journey goes on and on. Spirit guides will change as we call them forth, lessons will be relearned over and over.

And dreams, they will show up, you won't know what they will like look but you will have already known the feeling of them.

Slip like the fish inside of these beautiful dreams and surrender to the moment when you will say, "I created this. This magic has always been inside of me."

So now I say, "I created this. This magic has always been inside of me." 

And it feels so fucking good, even in the tears.

***

Please join myself and the 80 gorgeous women who are ready to surrender...

Starting moments.

I am the kind of morning person who lounges in bed with a cup of hot coffee. I prefer touch in the mornings than at night. I need a slow start, a gentle awakening.

If I can find some stillness my head can integrate the dreams, the 3am mind wanderings, the longings for the day.

I wake up with feeling intentions. I wake up knowing how I want to feel each day. I pray for the guidance to somehow be in that. I will my boys to not fight for 10 minutes after my eyes open.

Always having said that I'm not a morning person was not true. We are all morning people. Waking up is gorgeous if we can do it the way our body craves.

A long time ago the clock was removed from the bedroom, that was a huge moment for me. I used to watch it all night. Now I never know what time it is but wake at almost the same time every day.

Rhythm. Morning ritual.

Starting Moments.

When I was feeling really ubruptly-wrong in the mornings I began taking a photo each morning that I called Starting. I don't have all the control over my waking. I have three kids and we live in a tiny house.

Often I found myself resentful of how I had to start my days, full of fighting kids and exhaustion after being woken up multiple times a night.

I needed to ground myself in gratitude. What other way right? We always circle back to being in the now with gratitude when we want to change.

So that morning picture is my anchor inside of what can be chaos.

It allows me to just show the truth of my mess or to take time to create a lovely scene that I carry with me for the rest of the day. It is all about the feeling.

I invite anyone on Instagram to join me with the Starting photo by tagging your own starting moment #startingmoments and to check out the pictures that are starting to collect over there. It isn't just me anymore with my bumpy mug!!

***

There are a few spaces left for the FEAST Be Present Retreat hosted by my gorgeous friend Liz. I can promise some pretty freaking amazing #startingmoments pictures from WA. The group gathering has already captured my heart. I cannot wait. This is self care for the soul.

Surrender starts February 11th and we are almost at 70 women. It is going to send a vibration out to every part of ourselves when we dip into the sweetness of surrender. As we stand in the intersection between acceptance and change. Join us...

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a craving sensual experiences especially inside of my intuition, loving every sip of my coffee, noticing the light shining in, dreaming of paint colors and shelves, thrilled to put on my favorite shirt that I finally washed, kind of woman.

"I have a stake in the human story."

I am deeply in love with the women surrounding my work and my life. Grateful she is one of them.

She has the greatest hair and made me pee my pants reading this one!

Swirl with me baby.

I tell you now, someday I am going to wrap my arms around this woman and try to morph her energy into mine!

Think I may have just used the word juicy the other day but I swear it was for sensual reasons...

Thinking about each of these, working on my own list from 2012.

Savor. Please, please. [posted by Andrea on FB]

This honesty brings such light.

A must listen. I have the book on its way.

[Anne posted on FB]  This darling, this.

So totally going to make this pad thai and these chocolate delights.

I love this life. #operationselfcarelikewhoa

#operationselfcarelikewhoa came from knowing that I needed to heal this deep core lonliness I felt inside. It came from living so many years trying to fill myself with food, with stuff, with babies, with people, with wine, with work.

It came from knowing that for the first time in years I could fly and feel free. Asking for freedom was the hardest thing I've ever done. To ask myself for deep permission to be inside of free no matter what anyone else said or thought.

I got on a plane. That was the beginning of the journey. A plane to a place where I knew I would be wrapped inside of love and cared for but not given permission to remain stuck. (Yep, my friends are spirtual guides and healers!) A place where I would teach at a studio that years ago I had tucked into my visions.

One of the paralyzing parts of my anxiety over the years was that I was scared to do new things. Terrified. Once I started to crack and step inside the truth of my life I noticed the anxiety start to lesson. I was having a panic attack almost daily and suddenly they started to lift. It was sudden and intense. I was hesitant to trust it. I kept breathing and waiting for my heart to go into spasm.

Stillness.

No panic on the plane. I arrived in CA and sat to break bread (corn tortillas) with 9 of my colleagues and friends, some of whom I had never once pulled close and hugged. It was delicious. The women, the words, the food, the nourishment. It was not needy or forced. It was the soulfilling sauce that I crave each day.

And the tomato soup. Seriously, I closed my eyes with some of the bites and made noises of pleasure because it was like heaven, like whoa.

My spirit guides for the trip were magic, Tiffany and Rachel. There was visioning, sparkle lights, red lipstick, Prosecco, oysters, giggles, deep long talks into the night, cozy morning coffees, co-working bliss, beach walks with sand dollars and sunsets, secrets whispered and cried, aha moments, gorgeous food and California bliss.

#operationselfcarelikewhoa was in full swing and my belly felt joyful. I found I could eat almost anything and my belly didn't hurt. I was feasting on pure love for allowing myself to fill up without guilt. Without guilt. Without worry. Without regret.

I have been saying for years that people think I teach self care and that never rang true for me. And maybe in some ways I was, but my work has been formed around finding your truth. That deep truth of how you want to feel, how you want to move through the world. To know joy.

To thrive in heart-centered biz bliss. And this was is my journey. It doesn't happen in 5 days, it is a long, thoughtful process that weaves itself through your life.

The clear next step in my work as in my life is to practice the self care of freedom. Of knowing the peace. The peace.

The next step in the operation for myself was to find space. I want to find space gently. In a way that I can discover I am OK alone, with myself. I made a hotel reservation and packed a bag full of visioning supplies for the night in my own city. The kids went on an amazing adventure with their daddy (his work right now is about connecting, mine space) and filled up in their own way.

To look down on my city and see it with eyes that were all about self care was a beautiful moment. I celebrated dinner with myself and had the most delicious drink with gin and Prosecco and a stuffed salmon that I can't stop thinking about. Lick your lips, oh my god, grab-the-waitress-and-tell-her-whoa kind of salmon.

I did have text support from time to time with sweet friends checking in on me and making sure I was filling up on the joy of being with me. I won't lie, that helped!

The part that felt so real to me was learning that I could make space anywhere I was in the world. I can decide who to spend my energy with, who to share my words with, who to make space with.

I spent time with sadness. The last few months have been intense and led to so many unearthed desires. I spent time feeling it. I watched Castle reruns. Then I pulled out my vision book supplies and spent time with the prompt how do you want to feel inside of your 5 beautiful dreams.

Light, lush, WHOLE, earthy bliss, space and style, fresh stories. Each of those words finding me and becoming a feeling story.

FREE.

I stepped from the sadness into these feelings that are my gentle force. The 5 beautiful dream's cushions.

I wrote. I started my book. Oh honey, my book. I already see it. The colors, the textures, the words, the soulwork, the prompts. I see it, feel it and then release it. I will let the Universe play with tet feelings. It may be a bit lush and of earthy bliss! My job now is to fill in the words.

About two hours before it was time to go I released. I felt the exhale of the moment. I didn't want to pack up and go. Room service ordered I knew I would be stepping onto the rug and walking out the door. I wanted space to be my company, my partner. My joy.

The process is about learning to feel free and whole and carrying that inside wherever my feet guide me. The process for you is about learning to feel free and whole and carrying that inside wherever your feet guide you.

Beautiful work, yes?

I so love this life.

I love these breaths, this passion, these tattoos, my loves, the way my gorgeous goldfish swim at me each morning when I go to open the curtains. I can hear their noiseless cries for attention in the form of food. I love this life.

Even when it sucks and is raw and the tears and indecisions roll around.

I love this life.

***

#operationselfcarelikewhoa will soon be hosting an event in Providence so stay close. It is a movement so that the women who have been in the gorgeous positions of nurturing learn how to nurture themselves.

Why I am lonely. #operationselfcarelikewhoa

The prayer. I prayed that I would stop being so lonely and that for just 5 minutes I could close my eyes and everything I had built in my business would still be there.

Lonely. Married with three kids. Friends by the dozens. Family all around. Hundreds of women inside of the most amazing tribes formed in my work. Teaching programs about joy.

Lonely. I sent the prayer up and since then its cascading message has been my beautiful work of learning to receive its truth.

Lonely. I find a journal from 1994. "Why is it that I am so lonely and scared inside of a relationship and without one?" I was 19. "I feel like I'm losing myself." She left me a note from the past and I thank her deeply.

Lonely. To my core. Not because I'm not living a beautiful life, because I never learned how to be OK as me. To be whole and true and loved by me without the safety of another.

Lonely. Recently our marriage was rocked, deeply. Again. We both realized that we have so much healing to do as our own selves, outside of the 'us.' We don't know what this means or what it will look like in 5 months or a year. But we are going through it with love and compassion and a whole lot of time to discover.

Lonely. Teaching myself, guiding myself to be with myself. Just me feeling whole and complete and inside this gorgeous life. Sometimes I feel like I am 19 again. Like I can feel her, see her, touch her. We aren't that far away.

Lonely. And I am so OK with being here. I see this as all my life leading up to this moment of now. Of now. Of knowing that I can be in this place and not suffer. I can be here and in sadness or joy I can know me.

Lonely. I am seeking space to know her. That 19 year old and the 38 year old who is ready to look her in the eye and promise her that now we are strong enough. Now we have the spirit guides. We have the truth of now.

Lonely. I am joyful to be here. I am grateful inside of grateful to have said that prayer. To be here.

Lonely. To know that everything I teach is my guide. To know that you may be lonely too and I am breaking the silence for us.

Lonely. I am so excited to journey into this soulwork of becoming safe inside and no longer searching for that safety outside of myself. I pray that this is a gift I give to my children. But mostly to myself. A gift precious of wants and desires, a feeling of being juicy and alive with wholeness. Of knowing connectedness in its purest state.

Lonely. Yes. Yes. And joyful.

And I have closed my eyes and the words are still there. I have closed my eyes and nothing faded away. I have closed my eyes and shown you my tears and you all whispered, I see you, thank you for seeing me.

Everything changes inside of #operationselfcarelikewhoa. (pictures on Instagram @hannahmarcotti)

Thank you God. Thank you Universe. Thank you lonely.

Knowing where you are and stating it allows you to change everything. Without that truth, and yes it can take 19 years to find, the next words to the story won't match up.

Perhaps we all must go through a time of losing ourselves so that we step on this path and journey to our heart's calling. I am devouring the journey. Lonely is a gift of leading us to discover peace inside.

Finding feathers along my path has allowed me flight and in this flight I can see the beauty surrounding me.

And so it is. Inside of this awakening.

(More on #operationselfcarelikewhoa to come!!)

Today...

Let's shed one fear, like a bird loses a feather in flight, by stating it, naming it and letting it flow off of us as though we are birds in flight, knowing that once it drops it will become a magical gift of release...

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a full of self care, full of decaf, full of excitement for all that is, full of joy because this life is so beautiful kind of mama. (What we focus on expands.)

These days I rarely read many blogs, I tend to reserve my time for my clients and close friends who are saying the words my heart needs to hear. But on this day, I saw the title of the post and had to read it. So glad I did.

This is crazy making. Crazy making. Crazy making.

I'm a tad bit in love with this one right now.

Thinking so much about how much I really need. I'm giving The Making Space Cleanse a make-over soon and I'm going to be focusing on this idea of enoughness.

So yeah, I might kinda get this Molly!!!!!!

It is work loves. Hard, hard work. I promise you this. Stay in the joy no matter where you are.

Fish keep showing up in my life, perhaps a spirit guide whisper? (Beautiful and gorgeous too!) And we have a little giveaway on the blog, don't forget to enter!

I am soooo excited for this, I'll be there, will you beloved?

It's about inclusion. Doesn't that kind of make your eyes water? Feast. Feast. Feast.

Can't stop listening to this one.

So honored to be in this lovely space with this sweet one.

I'm working on 50% this and 50% deep connections. That is my year.

And you? Where have you found beauty and magic?

 

 

 

Story Whispers ~ Dave Ursillo (and a giveaway)

I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those whom I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Go listen to the story whispers all around you and make sure to tell some of your own.

 

Today I welcome Dave Ursillo and his gorgeous ability to weave words that make you feel, move, create and desire. Dave sent me a tweet a little over a year ago saying he too lived in RI and I was pumped to find a kindred writer in my state. Then he told me he was moving to NY. Dude! But when Dave is in RI we get the chance to co-work together in my secret coffee shop location and end up talking about writing, freedom and marketing for hours. While we work of course!

Words deliver magic. Dave and I meet at that place where every word is part of the passion for living. And inside of that passion for living there are no rules; you use your breath, your heart, your hands.

Giveaway Time!!!

Dave recently launched The Literati Writer's Group a place of juicy goodness for writers at any stage. I have had some inside glances into what he has created and I am overjoyed to share it with you. I believe in it so deeply that I want to offer a 3 month gift to one of my readers. Just leave a comment at the bottom and share with me a favorite quote from a book or poem. I'll draw a random winner next Thursday!

Please welcome Dave...

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

It's the taste of like rich, slow-brewed coffee cascading off of the first glimmers of morning. The first breaths after of a day, metabolizing possibility into reality. It's the smell of a deep salt breeze whisking through your lungs from over the bay; it sounds like car horns and city bustle of the East Village; it's the feel of four-hundred eyes fixated upon you on stage; it's the passing looks of the faces of one million strangers bobbing like a river as you walk down the street. 

Life itself is a thing of artistry, and every facet of the journey should be treated as such. That's how I work, how I create, and how I live.

 

In many ways, I want my work, my writing, to both mimic artistry and inspire it: to be art in itself, and evoke artistry in whoever might come across it. For each sentence to be inhaled like a blessing of the clean, warm breeze over the bay. For every revelation to ring out like a car horn's blast, awakening all the senses to reality; a sudden awareness of what's always been hiding in plain sight. And then there are the faces. Both in writing and in life, I hope to look into one million of them, and inspire one million smiles.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it.

The moment feels eternally present: stitches in time, one-hundred little memories rolling in a slow boil to the surface before, finally, in October of 2008, when the lid blew off. I stand on my apartment balcony, it's 1:00 AM in Washington D.C. The morning hour is cold and dry. A fountain churns across the street and cars buzz down Connecticut Avenue. Dimly lit clouds of red hover between the glistening stars. It's a rare night when sleep will not come, and a tenseness, a frustration, an anxiety in my gut forces me out of bed and to my journal to write -- long before I considered myself anything of a writer, at all. And within moments, from difficult questions asked, a flurry of answers are spilled onto paper. I'm left with a revelation. Less what to do, or how to do it, but why to do anything at all: because what we choose is what we are capable of. And to choose ourselves is truly Divine.

How do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

Free. Unencumbered and light, but grounded and rock-solid. Unshakable  Unapologetic. Like no one owns, restricts, forbids or denies any part of me and what I believe and what I choose to say, do, dare or dream. From that freedom, from that space, comes great responsibility. I want the responsibility of that freedom. I want others to have it, too. We have to trust one another to be self-determinant.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

My magical moments usually dawn just beyond a long pause of deep anxiety: tenseness, reluctance, outright fear. It's my passion, it's my brazen, it's my tenacity that carries me through the fear and unknown to reach the other side. The fear is how I know it's worth it. And on the other side of the uncertainty, there is joy. Total, shoulder-melting gratitude. It's how it feels when the message writes itself. When I spend hours on end with a friend, new or old or a total stranger, experiencing life and stories and conversation -- true moments, true presence. It's when I stand to teach new faces, or riff on an idea that matters to the listener. It's any advice I can muster, it's saying I care, it's showing up and proving it, and proving it, and proving it, and proving it.

Ritual that you start your day with.

I'm not a very ritual person, outside of my morning coffee. And yet I try to ease into every day from the early morning to find the day's flow. To find the flow of the day usually requires a bit of exploring, bending and tweaking: it depends on factors both outside and inside of myself, like the weather, the energy of the place or people around me, how I'm feeling myself, what priorities are about me and what my wants are in that moment. It's like tuning a guitar. Find the flow. Find the tune. Play.

Favorite part of you, physical or otherwise, tell us why you love it?

My heart. Unflinchingly strong. A powerhouse for good. It is a best friend, confidant and teacher -- one that has never asked for anything in return. My heart is the strongest thing about me. And I love that, by its nature, the heart is physically untouchable -- but can be felt by all.

Favorite quote:

This is a new favorite I came across while re-reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau, namely for its eerily similar sentiment of something I had been writing months prior: "A written word is the choicest of relics. It is something at once more intimate with us and more universal than any other work of art. It is the work of art nearest to life itself. It may be translated into every language, and not only be read but actually breathed from human lips; not be represented on canvas or in marble only, but be carved out of the breath of life itself."

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

Lead Without Followers. Live from Within.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

Endeavor. {And, within that shell, to explore boldly; to experience deeply; to adventure widely. With total gratitude.}

 

Wanna win 3 months in The Literati Writer's Group? I know right??

Leave a comment down below, share a favorite quote from a book or poem with us. Us writer's love to collect quotes!

 

***

Dave Ursillo Jr. is an author and entrepreneur who inspires change-makers for a living. A multi-published writer, passionate leader and life-explorer, Ursillo is the founder and CEO of The Literati Writers, a premium-membership writing community that helps writers create personal freedom, inspire change and craft lasting legacies of love through their art. He can be read at DaveUrsillo.com.

Some small time ago.

I couldn't walk the dog. Or walk to pick up the kids from school. Or lean down and pick up Lucas when he needed me.

Just going to the beach was a little scary, what if I hurt or couldn't move with the kids.

I gained about 15 pounds.

Atleast 2 weeks out of every month were spent in enormous amounts of pain.

My body was lonely.

I was scared. Having panic attacks sometimes twice a day.

I couldn't have lemon or caffeine or most nightshades.

I knew something deep inside of me was fighting. I was so tired of the struggle.

Making Space for Surrender is the program that came to life because I was easing into my own Surrender. One that over time would turn into a manifestation of healing. Of change. Of choice. 

Yesterday I drank a green tea. I was fine. Joyful.

I can pick up my four year old sleeping, carry him up the stairs and into the house in my heels.

Walking to school and playing in the park, yes. Check.

Long, gorgeous beach walks are planned from now until forever.

The weight is slowly melting off as I experience the sexy exorcism of Forrest yoga each week and try to dance and move.

I drink lots of water now, no fear that it will hurt.

A glass of wine no longer sends me to bed for two days.

The surrender didn't take the pain away. The surrender allowed me to close my eyes and feel the acceptance and love for my body regardless of the pain. Or because of the pain. Or both. To just be. Be there.

And then I could change. I could find my beautiful path to healing.

Now I am surrendering to a new fight. That is how we evolve. Like waves crashing through the fog onto the rock cliffs. And that moment of stillness when you are flooded with calm and light and every spirit guide you'll need to walk with you on your journey.

I will add my guidance.

Today is the final day for the Early Bird sign up rate.

The Surrender, scary-gorgeous.

I'm not ready.

Hannah Dance from Hannah Marcotti on Vimeo.

I'm not ready to stop.

I know.

I'm not ready to forigive my choices.

I know.

I'm not ready to allow ease, I need to fight.

I know.

I'm not ready to take off my socks and walk in the wet grass.

I know.

I'm not ready to cry. To be seen. To be held.

I know.

I'm not ready to find my flow which I know will bring change in such rapid motions that for moments I won't be able to breathe.

I know.

I'm not ready to ditch crisis, I like it here.

I know.

I'm not ready for this.

I know.

I'm not ready to surrender.

I know. And I love this for you. Surrender happens when we aren't ready. Change comes when we most fear it. Love surrounds us when we declare we can't so that we may be supported in the doing.

I know you aren't. That is why I am so happy you are here.

I'm going to fly with you. I've been leaving feathers for you to find for so long now.

Today, tomorrow and the next day all I want you to do is know that you will find one on your path. I will be there, gently whispering you forward toward your light, feather in hand.

I know. I truly know. And so do you.

Let's make space for Surrender together.

We start February 11th for prep week.

Story Whispers ~ Sas Petherick

I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Today I welcome Sas Petherick in all of her fierce softness. I first saw Sas' face in an Instagram picture through a comment she left on someone's picture. I fell hard, the glowing red hair and that smile. So I did what any true stalker does and I followed her and said hello; she is now totally in my heart. 

Sas and I believe in that moment of time in your life when you are no longer willing to accept what is and you know that you, only you, are in control of this beautiful life. I am so deeply honored to invite her to share her story whispers with you.

Sas recently let soar into the world a treasury of wisdom called The Body Stories. It is an ebook, it is free, it is divine. Please make sure to get your copy and be forever touched and changed from the words and images that are inside.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

I am woken each morning by BBC Radio 4 filled with world happenings. This is closely followed by purring nudges against my hand, from either Rex or Badger, requiring ear scratches.

I love the feeling of hot water teaming down my body while my mind dances (I have my best ideas in the shower); adorning my body with natural fibres in tones of chocolate brown, red, teal, purple, dark green, feathers and jewels.

Our home smells of rose essential oil or Nag Champa incense, and Arabica coffee beans grinding out the black magic. I adore the Bach cello suites of Yo-Yo Ma, and my husband is a massive jazz fan and so our home is filled with the sound of Monk, Coltrane, Davis: the greats.

Living in London I am surrounded by the great soup of humanity: it’s noisy and dirty and often overwhelming; but I will always be grateful to this place as somehow the harsh anonymity of it gave me permission to be myself.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I didn’t realise it at the time, but there was a moment when everything shifted for me. I was feeling sad, disconnected, my mind was scattered; mostly I was furious with myself, the universe and everything.

I went outside, and looked up and I was struck by an utterly overwhelming sense of being so vast, so enormously beyond comprehension, as though I was part of the star-filled night sky. I still can’t explain it.

After that moment, I felt compelled to change some things in my life, and it seemed the universe was conspiring with me. I started walking towards what I really wanted: I looked for ways to use my powers for good!

It has been a long winding road to here, but as the fabulously juicy age of 40 winks at me from around the corner, I am starting to make sense of the path that led me here. And it feels magical.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

Ripe, present, intuitive, energetic, and as though there are five baby rabbits doing flips in my belly.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

Roald Dahl said “those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” I love this quote! There is such magic in noticing your own life. Just being aware of frosty air on your face, the first bite of sea-salt chocolate, the sound of a baby giggling; these moments are tiny miracles. 

For me, magic shows up as synchronicity in words, numbers. And ladybugs: I will often hear the same phrase spoken by different people in the same day. And the number nine appears to be following me around.

My beloved Mum passed away ten years ago and I notice ladybugs (even in the freezing cold of winter) seem to be around whenever I really need her.

Ritual that you start your day with.

I love the few quiet moments standing in the kitchen waiting for the coffee, where I can stretch and take a breath.  

I often meditate in the morning (usually on a crowded tube). Just 20 minutes of stillness connects me to what is important.

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it.

My belly. It’s soft and a little squishy and I feel sad that for most of my life I have actively hated it. If only I had known how much it had to teach me! My belly is where my intuition lives; it is where I connect my body, mind, emotions and spirit together. My belly is where I am harnessed to my consciousness.

Favorite quote:

‘Nothing good gets away’ ~ John Steinbeck

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

‘I am unlimited and abundant’

One of the things I have come to know is that I really don’t need much: just Mr P, our cats Rex and Badger, my tribe, and my inner guidance. (Okay, and my MacBook). The days I spend with them are the ones filled with magic, and this reaffirms that I am living and constantly co-creating a magnificent life.

The cosmic joke of being unlimited and abundant while actually needing very little is not lost on me.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

‘Amplify’.

For me this means living my whole life - feeling the full spectrum of emotions, being aware of and awake to possibility, and living in tune with what matters to me. I have a sense that 2013 is going to be pretty awesome.

***

Sas Petherick is a writer, coach and Life Transformer for people who want an Amplified Life full of WOO HOO! moments. Sas believes nothing good gets away – it’s never too late to choose a new story for yourself.

Sas spent almost twenty years helping thousands of people navigate change in their place of work, before a combination of loss and grief prompted my own transformation path. She is a CTI trained Co-active Coach, and is thrilled to be joining Martha Beck’s Life Coach training in 2013.

Sas is currently coaching 1 on 1, as well as putting the final touches on emBODYment: a juicy online programme for women who want to change their body story and can be found at her beautiful new website : http://www.saspetherick.com/.

You ask. I answer.

The questions keep pouring in from this post.

We can sum them up as, "How did you do it?" Here is how.

1. Be in it in truth.

I spent so many years with the pain in denial. I spent so many years with the pain in blame. I spent so many years with the pain in complete silence.

I didn't talk about it, no one really knew. I wanted to believe it was something that came from outside of me, that if I could just find the right pill to balance my estrogen I would be fine. But I eventually stopped even looking for the pill because nothing worked. And no one truly seemed to ever understand.

I remember the day I wrote to 3 of my sweet friends who also happen to be life coaches of the most amazing variety. It was a 'feeling sorry for myself' letter. I told them that I was so tired of feeling pain and flare ups and that I just wanted to sink into the couch and cry and pity myself. I was asking them permission to let it all go and just be in it.

They let me. They said, "Yes. Yes you deserve to feel pissed and sad and rotten. You deserve this moment to feel sorry for yourself. And now that you've had it, what now? What now? What is next?"

After I allowed myself to be in it, to finally surrender to the truth I decided to get help. Real help.

I am blessed to have an incredible Dr. to guide my way, but if I never told him or asked for his help I would just be living in the pain.

2. Stop doing it alone.

I went to the best of the best and got a million invasive sucky tests to determine what all of this was about. Then the specialist suggested surgery. I said no thank you. I was dealing with a triple of threat of issues, but it doesn't matter what they were, they just all needed to be addressed.

From there I found a physical therapist who specialized in pelvic floor and bladder.

I knew that the moment I walked into her office nothing would be the same because I was on the path to healing. Her work changed my life.

It is a huge commitment to go to therapy once a week. Huge. And I did it. I am still doing it. I am healing.

3. Deal with your shit. 

As I was doing the physical work of healing it triggered out all my stuff. All my stuffing. All my shit.

I tried really hard not to deal with it. One day I realized I had no choice.

Truth. Peeling. Allowing. Surrender. All of it. It was so flipping hard sometimes I couldn't move or breathe.

The amazing thing about the truth is that it sets you free to soar and it doesn't matter if it has been 20 years or two months. Do it, risk it, be in it and deal with it.

This life of mine is far too precious to be living any other way than in beauty. And it will suck sometimes getting to that beauty.

As you start to peel and tell the Universe what you want watch as every person who enters your life does so to support you moving into this truth. Every book you see, word you read and story you tell will draw you back towards the journey towards flight. Your flight.

Yes, it will probably rock your whole world and scare you. You will have to make decisions you've never wanted to face. You will risk hurting someone you love. And you won't want to do it because hurting someone feels wrong and scary. But what if your feeling good is the most truthful pure beauty you can bring to this lifetime? Wouldn't that mean that those around you could only be better once you started to fly?

Oh yes baby. Yes.

4. You deserve this.

Right? Maybe it takes you until 38 years old to know that. Maybe 56 or 87 or 28 (damn lucky 28 year old!). Your life has been guiding you towards this moment. The one where you stand naked and are vulnerable and raw and know that you deserve this.

To be whole. To be healed. To be so fucking in love with your life that you make everyone around you giddy with possibility.

Be in it in truth. Stop doing it alone. Deal with your shit. You deserve this.

That is how I am doing it.