I am not a prepper.

Originally written on 11/1/2021

We've run out of toilet paper, again.

Dave's parents were coming by to drop something off. I had Dave ask them to bring us a roll. They brought a whole pack. This bought me a couple days.

No, I'm not a prepper/survivalist or even someone with much forethough, though living through this time of pandemic has introduced me to the concept of preparation. I can't quite live inside of the idea that we prepare for disaster, though I get it deeply. What I have been able to do is to see the ways preparation and building up my supplies offers incredible ease to my day to day life.

I used to run out of things and then get myself all worked up and stressed out because they were important things like coffee and cream and tampons and olive oil and soap.

Living with Dave, I saw him buy things in multiple. He never bought one tube of toothpaste, he bought three or four. This blew my mind. I saw it as spending so much money on something you could spend little on.

And then I discovered...

Buying four saved him money.

Having supplies meant less trips to the store. Less trips to the store saves you money.

I try try try to stick to what I need when I go to the store but undoubtedly you can add a good $25-$100 in things not planned on.

Think Target dollar section.

(Side note, a tip is walk right by it. Do Not Look. I just saved you $10 because nothing is really a dollar there. Also, leave your kids home. Saved you another $50. Get out of the Starbucks line and make your own coffee. $6.00)

Not only would I save money but I wouldn't have to go the store in a stressed out frenzy of looking for coconut almond creamer when it is quite hard to find in my corner of the world.

It has been a nervous system chill out plan.

I'm not prepping for disaster, I'm taking care of my future self's nervous system and anxiety. I adore knowing I have four bottles of lemon juice tucked away during canning season. I feel calm when I see that there are 6 pounds of low acid decaf coffee waiting for me.

I still ran out of toilet paper but this time it was because I hadn't bought any in so long I forgot about it. There were multiples and our future selves potty trips were all tended to.

I don't have spreadsheets. I don't even truly know what we have and what we don't. I try to sort and organize but I forget. Mostly though, now, I have what we need. It feels like a calm. I need calm. We need calm.

Over the last few years I've had to learn to be someone entirely different than who I was. Healing can do that. Living in integrity can do that. Choosing the present can do that.

It might seem odd to say that claiming peace for myself meant saying goodbye to the 'me' I had formed an entire life around. Maybe more like a peeling. I've peeled and it continues to feel a bit raw and uncomfortable.

When I ran out of toilet paper, and then tissues very soon after, it was a reminder of how deeply I have stretched my sacred roots. They are strong enough now that I wasn't shaken up and stressed out by it.

These old patterns will arise. I'm finding them wanting to pop up all over the place as the season shifts. Change brings transition which brings choice.

I am choosing to keep digging deep, rooting into my foundation of peace.

If you would like to join me and a group of adventuring magic makers in a walk through the seasons of our lives together, SACRED ROOTS || AUTUMN begins this Sunday and each Sunday after we will come together and learn and try and just be.

Here is to not buying in fear but in deep love. Thanks for being here, H