I didn't write to you from the airport.
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That feeling when you see your girlfriends after too long and have so much to say you are all talking over each other and the only thing that keeps you quiet is the food you are inhaling because food with them is so much better: that feeling.
I'll list it out.
I've been reading fiction and I have three amazing finds thanks to asking all of you on social media. I'm hooked. I barely remember non-fiction. Please hit reply and give me more ideas!
All The Crooked Saints Here is a thing everyone wants: A miracle. Here is a thing everyone fears: What it takes to get one. (It was that line that pulled me right in. Brilliant.)
My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She is Sorry At night Elsa takes refuge in her grandmother's stories, in the Land of Almost-Awake and the Kingdom of Miamas where everybody is different
The Dreamers In an isolated college town in the hills of Southern California, a freshman girl stumbles into her dorm room, falls asleep—and doesn’t wake up.
Dave and I and our puppies (plural, I know, I know) have moved into our cabin in NH for the summer. The kids will be joining us soon for camp. Potty training finally got the best of me and we are trying a new plan thanks again to asking on social media. I love you all and your beautiful support and ideas.
We changed their location in the house to a small area with no rugs and have only their toys and crates out for them.
We are making a puppy schedule that will flow with my work schedule.
There will be one door only for potty and going out for walks or the car. The other door will be to the back deck and yard for play and swimming.
Crates, tethers, treats; we are getting there. I never thought I would compare a puppy to a baby, but I feel all the same feelings, like when do I get a shower?? Luckily, I know how by now!
We went on a seven day trip to CO and Utah with all five of the kids. Major family bonding. Dave and I felt incredibly proud. We saw my grandfather who was turning 99 and the kids adored him and thought he was hilarious. He is.
Arches National Park blew my mind, I want a week there with Dave.
We floated in the Great Salt Lake and that was the coolest thing ever, it is like you are bobbing out of the water because of all the salt.
We went during a time when we don't have a lot of money to spare so we used points, brought a cooler so we could make sandwiches for lunches and made our own food when we could. We have a fourth grader and they get into all National Parks free so that was a huge savings. We spent $ on ice cream and the Hot Springs and some pottery in a thrift store that I carried back on the plane in a paper bag ripping along the way.
My grandfather asked me when I was going to write my newsletter. I told him, "In the airport." That did not happen. I had done all my work ahead and thought for sure I'd find time to write. What I actually found was presence. To just be where we were inside of what we all needed. Others things I found...
Sleeping in one hotel room (we did it for three nights, the others were Airbnb) with five kids is not actually under the category of sleep.
Dave bought me a ring at the thrift store and I lost it at the Salt Lake. The next day before the airport he drove us all the way back there to go find it. He made a grid pattern with all of us and our youngest found it. This is how he loves me.
I don't need to always have something to say or share. I still have this weird personal pressure to. I have less of a need for attention and a deep desire for peace. I'm curious where this is taking me. I couldn't think of one profound thing to say, I still can't. This is so OK.
When we got back I realized I still have no internet, the operation here is tiny, try getting someone on the phone. I rescheduled a Zoom call and then because I was missing a whole day from travel forgot about a Live Chat. One of the ways you can see proof of your work is in how you handle personal failures. Rise or fall.
One of the woman sent me a message asking if I was OK which seemed odd.
I realized it was Sunday not Saturday.
I was in awe that they held the chat anyway, supported each other and didn't really skip a beat. Blessed. Rise. Root. Take the puppy out to pee. Repeat.
A few things are grounding me right now, and grounding is how I feel Spirit. A bit unrooted as change feels oddly unfamiliar.
25 heads of lettuce in my garden. Please send recipes for your favorite ways to eat leaves.
My partner. Two weeks together without the kids (we get very few days without the kids so this is HUGE) so I was joking that we are so tired from the trip and now two puppies that we are almost not speaking. I love not speaking with him. He has gone through the most beautiful changes and our relationship is at its most lovely.
The lake. Falling into the water that feels like a bath and just letting my body stretch out and swim. Every single time I'm reminded of this life I called forth and want to be more and more inside of its beauty.
Really bad TV. With no internet I'm watching TLC and Discovery channel, just needing to get lost into lives that aren't mine. A reset for my brain so I can pause. A break from all learning, just the ridiculousness of 90 Day Fiancé and Alien shows.
As I was writing this I took the two pups out to pee. They both did. Then I took them both out again as one was whining. They both pooped.
I'm calling it the greatest success of my life.
In the chaos I got these words written and a bunch of lettuce picked and washed.
I'm using a hot spot to write this and still waiting for internet. La Croix by my side. Going to a friend's house for dinner with my fanny pack filled with treats and dreaming of puppy bedtime.
Dave sent a text that said, "Thank you for being the best Mama to our puppies so that we'll have the most amazing dogs for our family."
That is my all the things check in. All my love from this little pocket of time. Send recipes for leaves and puppy stories. xo