Truth baby.
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Truth :: Some of my favorite words to hear are, "You've lost weight."
Truth :: I used to thrive on seeing how much I could control my weight through practicing lack.
Truth :: My weight has consumed more time in my thoughts than I can quantify.
Truth :: Making rules around food for me has been my constant, that thing I can count on to keep the rhythm of my day.
Truth :: Every cleanse I would run or go on was always about losing just a little bit more.
Truth :: I find myself at my highest weight outside of pregnancy.
Truth :: Rules no loner apply but I am constantly catching myself saying things like "I'm paleo."
Truth :: I feel sexy, not so much from a physical sense, but from this inner confidence that has come after years of body shame, and from having a partner that desires me and devours me.
Truth :: When the weight first started showing I had a really hard time being out in public, even going to the grocery store was hard for me, it was like this crazy social anxiety I hadn't felt in years.
Truth :: After letting the rules go I can often feel untethered, like what do I have to hold onto?
Truth :: At 42, I wish that this one thing that consumes my thoughts could start to be replaced by something else.
Truth :: I would like to tell you that I'm over it, that I am now an intuitive eater who is so in love with herself that there is a calm and peace that you can have too if you just do A, B, C...
Truth :: Women completely captivate me, the beauty, the sensuality, the fears, the way each body is different, the curves, the colors, the way we choose to dress, the way we love, the softness, the way we change.
Truth :: I need to be here, in this place with my body, as I have grown into my 40's and a true sense that my hormones and my shape is changing.
Truth :: As I am starting to move my body more, after a long break of being still, I'm in awe at how quickly we can lose our strength which is so connected to a strength in our spirit; sweating and laughter are essential.
Truth :: It sucks to not fit into your old clothes but it feels really delicious to let yourself buy a few new things that fit you NOW.
Truth :: Having someone say you are sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, amazing and loved cannot be underestimated in how it changes our own thought patterns.
Truth :: There is a freedom in not wanting to be who I was at 26 or 39 and just freaking allow myself to love up this year of 42.
Truth :: When I started my journey into sexy and sanguine living I was exploring my sexual self in new ways, taking chances, opening to new experiences, learning to flirt again, looking myself in the eyes, opening to the fact that I am a highly sexual/sensual/sensitive person.
Truth :: No matter how hard it feels some days, I still stand in the mirror naked every day and find my way to adoration of my physical self.
Truth :: When I fall back into the obsessing about how I look I feel like I've somehow failed on this journey and as soon as I feel failure I know that it means I am doing the work and will never stop wanting to iterate into my next becoming.
Truth :: I adore the sexual self that inhabits this body, I adore my spiritstyle, I adore my magic, I adore my exploration into my edges.
Truth :: Writing about sexuality and teaching others how to feel into their bodies as I am learning to heal my past body stories is an unbelievable honor. (Yes, Sexy and Sanguine is coming back!)
Truth :: I'm going to go have a truth vulnerability hangover now, make some lunch and curl up and listen to the rain fall.