All Shell?

Often my reactions to things are over the top and they impact those around me, namely my kids. If I am lost while driving I kind of freak out. I feel so disconnected to myself that all I can do is yell at anything the kids are saying and in those moments I feel unworthy. A lot of weight in a situation of simply being lost. It is the reaction, not the situation that is now the problem.

As an HSP, often the reactions don't match the situation. This is OK. This is who we are. It is also OK to want to work on changing how we process our reactions, how we move from the moment into the reaction, and where we let that reaction take us. For me this means creating a little system for myself. Take a breath, an herbal remedy I always carry with me and the most important, not resisting what I'm feeling.

Two things are going on for me at the point of overwhelm. One is feeling overstimulated and unable to be inside of the situation.

The other is related to thoughts become things, we attract what vibration we are putting out. Joy brings joy, frustration brings frustration.

I was inside of a reaction this morning and this reaction was causing me to be unfocused in my work and to be short with the kids. Patrick took the kids out so I could work in quiet for a bit. I went to make an egg. I was almost in tears because I couldn't process why I was having such a strong reaction to a situation. I wanted it to go away. I was so tired of thinking about it. I knew it was in my life to help me move through to the next level of my growth, but I was still reacting in ways that were limiting me from being happy.

I cracked the egg on the side of the pan, as I always do, the shell shattered a bit but I couldn't get my fingers to break through the membrane. The shell was falling into the pan, none of the egg would release. I tried harder. More shell in the pan. What I most wanted, that egg to flow out into the pan, would not happen.

I scooped up the shell from the pan and I stopped trying to force that egg to release. All of my frustrations and confusions were 'manifesting' in that egg and I knew I needed to let go. It was a meditation during making eggs. I started to honor my feelings while knowing that holding onto the frustration, the hurt and the confusion was only keeping me from getting what I wanted: scrambled eggs and not being held inside of my reactions.

I sat down with my eggs and I took one small action that allowed me to release. While the situation has not changed, my reaction to it has. The vibration I am putting out is calling in calm and space and a chance to expand.

I asked a client once, who wished to pop a bubble she felt she was inside of of all that was limiting her, to imagine that bubble expanding. Of letting it spread and grow and offer her unlimited space. This bubble wasn't causing her the harm, it was the fight she was waging against it.

When we reach out in resistance, we pull in resistance. When we reach out in love, we pull in more love.

What will you grab?