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my life is about to shift in big, huge ways soon. i don’t like transitions or change and yet i am in a constant state of them. as a highly sensitive person it can sometimes feel like the ground isn’t there. like you don’t know what is keeping you here because surely gravity can’t keep your feet planted in the chaos.

and then you see where you are fighting. you feel it. name it. look at it. you love it up.

and you surrender.

in the last two weeks i have taken myself through this practice of surrender. and last night i cried. so many tears i felt depleted.

and then i woke up and i prayed. and my prayer became action.

i am new. i am now inside of a deep river of faith.

…….

each time I look at my calendar and think about what program i’d like to run there is always a direct connection to where I am. over the last few years i’ve worked on creating a ritual, a practice of moving into surrender. and right now I am needing it again. i need to go into my practice, as I will again and again.

we aren’t perfect, flawless. we are change. we are beginning and iterating and choosing often at a pace so rapid our nervous systems can’t keep up.

surrender is the slow down. the space. the in between. the forgiveness. the prayer.

…….

one of the things i have called in for this year is a monthly celebration. i want to look at what i have discovered, manifested, loved, dedicated, supported, lifted. i want to see and celebrate where i have been.

and dream of where i am going.

my first celebration will be that of surrender. of opening space to release, to feel, to pray.

and i will do the work. i will feel all the things i have been putting a pin in to feel later. later is now. i will do the work. and together we will find our way into the celebration.

…….

maybe there will be blue balloons. or bubbly. or both. or a table set with your most beautiful linens and plates.

we will celebrate. because surrender is how we become.

and become we must.

i don’t like transitions or change. and yet, now i am inside a deep river of faith. because i chose surrender.

so become i will. and celebrate we must.

i am ready to hang the balloons and plan the feast. when we do the work, on the other side is the freedom and joy we seek. and celebrate we will.

xo

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open space

We start: February 1st, 3 emails a week
Where: Virtual, wherever you are.
How long: 5 weeks.
Why: So we can take a deeper breath inside of our lives after the exhale. So we can say yes to that open space.

$49.00  Add to Cart

Surrender: To give yourself up to a new emotion or course or influence. To melt into and open up to…

2015

I was remembering a story about my boys from two years ago. One morning Eli (then 7) asks Lucas (then 4) who he loves more, himself or mama? Lucas being four and his world wrapped around his mother says, “Mama.”

Eli then goes into a speech about how you have to love yourself the most. If you love yourself the most then you can love other people. He made a good case to the little one on why loving himself was the first step to mama love. The four year old just glazed over and I teared up.

This child is my little spirit guide in matters of the heart and spirit. He is so much like me. And we both struggle with explosive feelings and deep desires for surrender inside of the struggle that we tend to create for ourselves.

The other night as he was doing his homework he throws down his pencil and whines at me, “Mooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaam. I just can’t finish my homework until I organize my chi.” And then he asks to meditate. He has grown up watching Avatar and Korra as his source of spirituality and they haven’t let us down.

I surrendered and lit the candle and put on the music and watched as his body calmed down inside of his own surrender. I have been feeling like such an unfocused, trying to be all things for everyone mom right now, my chi is pretty unorganized.

eli and lucas

This is where we can make space for allowing, releasing and simply being in our now.

Each time I look at my calendar and think about what program I’d like to run there is always a direct connection to where I am. Over the last two years I’ve worked on creating a ritual, a practice of moving into surrender. And right now I am needing it again. I need to go into my practice, as I will again and again.

We aren’t perfect, flawless. We are change. We are beginning and iterating and choosing often at a pace so rapid our nervous systems can’t keep up.

Surrender is the slow down. The space. The in between. The forgiveness. The prayer.

prayer hands

Surrender is the intersection between acceptance and change.

As we find ourselves pushing against and fighting what we are feeling, we draw in more of that which we push. We continue to obsess, replay, hear the mind chatter that keeps us stuck. That old story plays over and over and over. We become trapped.

There is an ease when we learn how to embrace surrender. Feeling without fight. Fear and struggle are met with truth and grace. Releasing and allowing feel spectacular with the flow from stuck into surrender. Surrender is an entry point for joy. Surrender can guide you into stillness, moving, creating, acting and flowing.

Surrender is no longer pushing against :: My belly (insert body part of choice or flaw of choice) is so flabby I could never be loved (love myself).

Surrender is no longer playing the same old story :: I have nothing unique to offer the world because I’m not creative, smart, worldly, skinny, beautiful…

Surrender is no longer living in the what-if :: What if I could lose these last 10 pounds, be a size 4, make more money, get my partner to understand, have more time…

Surrender is melting into, opening up, releasing and that moment when you are ready to forgive yourself.

2016

i fell apart last night. one dash pms. one dash sickness. one dash feeling lonely while being sick. one dash entering into a huge unknown.

in a few months i will be stepping into my new life. a life that manifested from a story i long to tell. soon.

i haven’t been praying in the morning. my warm coffee in hand, my quiet prayer for the day. lost inside the chaos of school vacation and holiday plans and a sickness that keeps swirling around my family.

prayer is my love note.
prayer is how i stop feeling sorry for myself.
prayer is a gift to the vibration of the day.
prayer is vulnerable.
prayer is surrender.

holding so tight to fears. so last night he says it is time to talk about it. and we did. and i cried. and fell apart. i still don’t know how to talk when i am in fear. i am still afraid that i will trigger a fight or anger.

i am learning to talk. to feel safe inside the fear. but shit, it is so so hard.

prayer is my love note. safety is my prayer.

there is so much to surrender and i continue to hold on too tight and this body of mine can’t breathe.

as we are journeying together into this new life we are in the space between. i am learning to surrender my need to be right. i am learning to surrender the fear of anger. i am learning to surrender to having to do it all alone.

i am learning to let go of always feeling like i am failing.

prayer as love note. knowing each other, learning, being vulnerable in the asking. sometimes it is the fear of the answers. i want to surrender into deep connection. a connection i have never known before until now.

after 13 years of parenting, 8 years of running a business, 1 1/2 years into a divorce and living on my own for the first time ever, 9 months into a new love relationship and 41 years in my body; surrender is showing up more than ever.

every time I think I ‘get’ it, a new lesson arrives. what brings me softness is the practice of surrender that we work with inside of this circle brings me back to my truth.

i seek surrender in new ways. inside of love. inside of deep deep truths i am holding inside.

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“Hannah’s program taught me how to shift my judgements into truths. Practicing this skill has profoundly shifted my thinking, reduced anxiety, and helped me experience greater joy in my everyday life. I highly recommend this program to anyone who is ready to surrender all the messy details of what’s holding you back and start walking in the purity of truth.” ~ Britta Alexander

Imagine your life if you could move past the stories that hold you in fear and excuses?

Imagine your relationships, your business, your spirit?

Where in your world is there an echo of surrender and what feelings does it leave you with?

Most of us are afraid to shine. We let our fear overtake us so we can’t move forward. We are paralyzed with shame, with trying to seem perfect and doing what is expected rather than what brings us joy.

We have a beautiful truth that wants to be heard. It is clogged by indecision, perfectionism, fear and doubts.

Are you ready to surrender to the struggle?

Would you like to allow and let-go without feeling like you are constantly pushing against and rather start to flow with?

Are you willing to allow grace (love, ease, fluidity, forgiveness, kindness) into that space?

We will release. We will move into our light. It won’t be easy but it will bring us closer to the ease we desire each day when we wake.

catching light

The How:

  • We will work with a weekly theme of moving from the story that is keeping us stuck and locked into fear and into writing our new one.
  • Three emails from me each week to support your journey for each of the 5 weeks.
  • Prompts with soulwork to take at your own pace
  • Videos from me sharing my stories of surrender.
  • A FB group where we will come together and share our journey and deepen our support, which will actively help to prompt you deeper into your knowing.
  • Gentle power, that is how we will enter into surrender, gentle power.

Prep week begins Monday, February 1st…

Add to Cart    $49.00

 “Hannah has changed the way I breathe.” ~ Maria

“Thank you for giving us your all, it allows us to do the same for ourselves.” ~ Izabela

“I didn’t even realize how far away I had traveled from my passions and joy until Hannah entered my life. What did I do without her?”~ Joanie

“The work you do is magical and impacts so much on the lives of the women that take part… including me.” ~ Amy

“I value your words so much, they always speak to my heart. Thank you, I get so tired of reading other people’s words all the time but yours are always special.” ~ Jackie

plaid shirt

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community

i fell apart last night. one dash pms. one dash sickness. one dash feeling lonely while being sick. one dash entering into a huge unknown.

in a few months i will be stepping into my new life. a life that manifested from a story i long to tell. soon.

i haven’t been praying in the morning. my warm coffee in hand, my quiet prayer for the day. lost inside the chaos of school vacation and christmas plans and a sickness that keeps swirling around my family.

prayer is my love note.
prayer is how i stop feeling sorry for myself.
prayer is a gift to the vibration of the day.
prayer is vulnerable.
prayer is surrender.

holding so tight to fears. so last night he says it is time to talk about it. and we did. and i cried. and fell apart. i still don’t know how to talk when i am in fear. i am still afraid that i will trigger a fight or anger.

i am learning to talk. to feel safe inside the fear. but shit, it is so so hard.

prayer is my love note. safety is my prayer.

there is so much to surrender and i continue to hold on too tight and this body of mine can’t breathe.

as we are journeying together into this new life we are in the space between. i am learning to surrender my need to be right. i am learning to surrender the fear of anger. i am learning to surrender to having to do it all alone.

i am learning to let go of always feeling like i am failing.

prayer as love note. knowing each other, learning, being vulnerable in the asking. sometimes it is the fear of the answers. i want to surrender into deep connection. a connection i have never known before until now.

what do you appreciate most that i do for you?
what desires do you have around us as partners?
what touch do i give you that is your favorite?
what touch do you crave?
what do you need when you walk in the door after work?
what do i do that most shows you my respect and admiration (masculine) adoration and protection (feminine)?
when you are in fear how can i show up for you and hold you?
what do i say or do that makes you feel like you are the most important person in the universe to me?
what would you like more of from me (time, touch, words, etc)?
what one thing can i support you with to ease your overwhelm?
what is one celebration around anything you would like to have together?
what do you see us doing together in one year?
what is the thing i cook for you that you most look forward to?
what brings you the most pleasure?
what do you need more of from me? less of?
what ways do/can i help you feel safe?

safety as prayer.

put each of these questions onto small strips of paper and keep them in a tiny bowl or jar.

ask one in a quiet moment. let your partner choose one. pick a few for a long car ride. use one as word foreplay while you sit together naked and cuddling. ask one after you make love. pour a glass of wine as dinner cooks and really listen to an answer.

let the answers come to you as prayer. really listen when they speak. hold their gaze. touch their leg or arm if that grounds them. think of other questions. add them in.

ask the questions to yourself. are you resentful because you aren’t getting more time or touch? close your eyes and instead of the resentment listen to the question…what would you like more of from me? let the answer soften you. pray as love note. surrender. find the safety in listening. in talking. in asking. in answering.

xo

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belly to belly

January 7, 2016

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one of the most clever things i have read about sales/marketing was this :: “and the secret is: ‘see twenty people belly-to-belly every day.'” (from the book How To Master the Art of Selling by Tom Hopkins)

“put your belly button near twenty others each day.”

belly to belly.

i have a million love languages but the ones that mean the most to me, that make me swoon and sway and often bring me to tears of happiness are words and time.

a couple of years ago i had no idea that time was one of my love languages. now i understand that it is one of the biggest gifts i can give and receive from others.

all i wanted for my birthday with my love was his time. just us. together. talking. naked. loving. eating. being. i wanted to curl up in his arms and wake up there too. belly to belly. (he also gave me words in the form of sticky notes hidden all over the loft that i found for weeks.)

i think about belly to belly, and i have challenged my magic making business circle to spend more belly to belly time, in new ways each day.

belly to belly is more than just marketing and sales relationship. it is the core of who we are as humans. we are meant to be together. to help. to love. to lift one another up.

belly to belly can be an instagram post connecting to a shared dream. it can be amazing sex with your lover. it can be talking to 5 people at the grocery store. it can be snuggle time in bed with your kids reading and giggling. belly to belly is connection, relationship.

…….

today on the eve of the year that calls us in, i asked my circle three things. i want to share them with you. to give you a little soul work as a way to ritualize and make space inside of 2015 for all that is to come. for the relationships. to make space for more belly to belly.

…….

one. on this eve, what is one guide you want to draw in to walk with you? for me it is love. i am learning to love in new ways. i am growing my family, my heart. i am making more space for forgiveness and other’s needs. so my guide is love.

second. a wish. my women and i (and i am working on my lover and kids) believe that you must share a wish to help it manifest. on this eve, can you share a tender wish with someone? let’s hold it up to the moon, to our people, to the year that beckons us to live with more joy and all the feelings we desire. one wish.

third. celebration. here is something i never do inside of my work. i forget to celebrate. to give myself credit. to actually look at what i have created and drawn towards me. i am in awe of the women who circle, who write to me, who lift me up through their time with me inside of this soul work. so this year i want to create monthly celebrations. celebration as ritual. as a deepening of love languages. around my work. my family. my love.
…….

one. two. three.

…….

my love and all of our kids are together at the magic lake house for new year’s eve. we have sick kids. fevers. some puking at 3 am. lots of crackers and blankets and juice and movie time.

it will be our first new year’s together. our belly to belly with our family, our wishes, our iterating into a love that neither of us can quite believe is happening to us because it is so big. so different. so raw. so crazy amazing and challenging all at once.

we are creating a universe together that feels like it will change everything.

we will make our wishes. we will make nachos and make the kids the most amazing banana splits one has ever seen (because he went to the store and let me just tell you, we have it all).

and we will belly to belly inside of our gratitude for those who are in our life. who love us. who support us. who have walked these last few crazy hard months holding our energy while we have often spiraled out in fear.

we will go to sleep belly to belly inside of love. and wake up with my belly pressed up against his back, or his against mine, as we do now, in our ritual of sleep and wake.

…….

words. time. nurture. ritual. prayer. love.

happy new year my loves. you all mean more to me than i can say. thank you for your words. time. ritual. prayer. love. thank you for showing up. for believing in my words. time. nurture. ritual. prayer. love.

welcome 2016. welcome belly to belly. welcome love. welcome celebration.

xoxo

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sometimes my mind is so full of chatter that i can’t find my stories. i sit and stare at the computer and i wait, willing the words to come. and bribing myself with another cup of coffee or a hot shower if i just get it done.

my friends joke that everything that happens, all the words we speak to each other, become fair game to weave their way into my stories each week. these women keep time in my life. they change me and challenge me every single day because they see and hold my flaws and fears and imperfections and let me be incomplete. and incomplete some more.

i have been purging my space. starting with the old prom dress and moving onto wall clutter. taking everything down. looking at blank walls. deciding what i love, what will stay.

i pour another cup of coffee. the bribe didn’t work. the screen blank. almost as though i am clearing my world of words just as i clear the walls. like i am trying to see something inside of the emptiness.

what if i stopped talking and listened? asked more questions. witnessed with the feeling of white walls, bare.

there are so many things i want to know to feel safe right now. i want to ask my partner questions and hear his stories. i want his stories to fill my walls. my heart. my future.

i want to know that i will be safe when i move out from these walls in a few months. that i will find home and places for all the treasures i decide to keep. and to leave space for new stories inside the life we are building together.

living inside of uncertainty is loud. noisy. high alert. i made escape plans that no longer hold truth because he is my family. the arms i want to run into, to hear him tell me we are safe. together.

all i want is the energy to do the dishes. sick for days. still staring at a blank screen, tugging at my hair in a loop of ocd day dreaming. she texts me that she wishes she were closer and could bring me soup. she texts me and tells me to go take a nap, the words can wait. she texts me that maybe i should write about not being able to find the words.

i open a bag of potato chips. it is 10:30am. i pull up the words he wrote last night while i wasn’t feeling good and he told me he would write my newsletter. this man makes me laugh and loves me in a way neither of us have loved before. we talked last night about how scary it is to feel love in this way.

the words he typed onto my blank screen while sipping wine as i put on my make up in the bathroom, trying to hide my sickness to go out and meet his friends for a drink.

my body felt insecure, wanting to make a beautiful first impression (cause i can be a lot of fun on a good day) and feeling like i could pass out from exhaustion.

i send a picture of his gift of words to the girls. he was writing about them for me ::

“sometimes family is the people who love and support you”
unconditional love
the happy puppy to your bad day
the rock
the sun
the truth
And the love. Boom. And done.
xo

he calls us the wolf pack. we became a blended unit of team meets friendship meets co-workers meets mastermind meets slumber parties and thai food meets lift ups meets what has become family. and he is part of that family now. and we have a huge old farm table to hold this family.

the wolf pack keeps my rhythm because we are working and loving all at once. there is no separation. they have no jealousy for the other wolves and foxes and beautiful creatures in my life. they adore them, and invite them, and love them up. they are different and hold space in a way i have never experienced women so seamlessly do. it isn’t friendship. it is family of choice.

the rock. the sun. the truth. and the love.

last night after going out for drinks and feeling feverish and like i shouldn’t have left the loft i stripped down and climbed under a blanket on the couch. he grabbed a beer and we sat talking.

i asked him questions and he told me stories. we exchanged deep love in the form of words and i fell more in love. and awe of this man i called into my experience.

and we told more stories.

as i sip the coffee going cold and feel huge gratitude for salt and vinegar potato chips when nothing else tastes good the blank screen starts to find words.

i remind myself that the dishes will get washed and they will continue to be dirtied and i am allowed to rest.

the disco lights dance on the white walls and i am dreaming of the barn. where we will have dance parties and sip wine while our life unfolds. we laugh so much and have more fun than i wonder if we are allowed to be having. and we fight. we have crazy passion. and we eat crazy amounts of potato chips.

and i think about the dinner i want to make tonight to comfort us from days of sickness, fevers, wild dreams and restless sleep.

tears fell down my cheeks over and over last night while we talked. old bits were moving out as fevers ask us to sit in the shadows and release. his words of love were calling me forth to the blank screen i now fill with the stories that are words shared from tiny moments inside of one day.

a day of bare walls. shivers from sick skin. screens without words. drinks in an irish pub. loving texts from all the beautiful creatures in my life. hot toddy conversations. getting lost in his naked skin. staring into eyes that hold my entire universe.

one day.

and the love. boom. done.

xo

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we are for eachother: then laugh, leaning back in my arms for life’s not a paragraph

~ e.e. cummings

she said ::

“i feel like i am so many different people in one hour. the little girl, the woman, the bad ass, the asshole, the warrior. they get jumbled together and instead of feeling them i’m trying to ignore them.”

she said ::

“i feel that way all the time. and i have been thinking about it a lot lately actually… and how trying to allow space for all of it often leaves me feeling exhausted and depleted. so here’s my recent flip. we need all these parts of ourselves. they are vital. because how amazing is that we have these selves to call upon to guide us through what is in front of us in any given moment. and even the ones that appear to be wounds or gaping holes are guides too. big time.”

this is how my women talk, daily. these women are my team, my inspirations, my heart. and we don’t let any part of who we are get away with not being seen and loved.

these women know that when i invite them over for a business mastermind dinner it will be one part business talk, one part yummy food and one part crazy making with kids everywhere and laughter and stories and sometimes a few tears.

one of my wishes last year was to be the most amazing mom i could be, meaning less anger and exhaustion and more fun and loving moments. i could see her. she used to be part of me. she is fun and spontaneous and she includes her kids in all the parts of her life, including her business dinners.

he said ::

“do you realize that you have created the most amazing life for yourself? do you realize really what you have done?”

he said ::

“we have too much fun together. it just really shouldn’t be allowed.”

he said ::

“i will take a nap at lunch while you write today.”

this is the man i love. i tell him all the time that i do know that i have designed my life, the life of my dreams. it was no accident. i know what i want. i dream it, vision it, find the feeling inside of it and then i live inside that feeling.

and he knows. because he is doing the same thing.

this is my freedom. our freedom plan. my life of design which is now our life of our design. sometimes we feel almost guilty for how beyond amazing it is becoming.

i tell him that i feel like i have two different parts to my work. the part that is the coach, the guide, the writer and the part that has built in enough space and ease in her life to be there full time for her kids, for him, for my women. i may not get paid in cash for this second part but it is why i do what i do. why i create what i create. why i am so driven to live inside this life of my design.

so that all the parts of me have time to be lived fully. to be seen. i need to love up others. to cook for the people i love. to wake up with my love and make him breakfast while he readies for work. to host my women. to pick up my kids from school and sit at the table doing homework while singing katy perry songs.

this freedom plan is creating the life of my dreams. possibly better than what i could even let myself dream. because when we let ourselves let go of the details, the universe might just raise the vibration on the details that come forth.

i adore the parts of me. i love shape shifting as needed. pulling forth the parts of who i am and mixing and mingling them is a superpower.

and so instead of ignoring all the parts of who we are, we feel them. allow them. welcome them. learn from them. believe that they are all teaching us something. and the more we love them up, the more they will start to integrate and feel seen.

then we get to choose. what parts do we love the most?

i love the story teller who can’t tell a linear story and often forgets why she was even telling the story.

she said ::

“babe. i have three reasons for this. wait. i can’t remember the second. but i have three.”

i love the wild, funky, fun, a little too loud, talk to anyone weird mama/woman.

she said ::

“mom. do you have to ask everyone their entire life? can’t you just buy the boys a pretzel and just buy the pretzel?”

an on the eve prompt.

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make a list of all the parts of you. the ones you adore. the ones you wish you could kick out. the ones that others remind you or mirror for you.

get out a big piece of paper. make the list.

then next to each one find the feeling inside of it. my story teller part is the feeling of joy and adoration. the wild funky part is connection and freedom. the mom who has no patience and yells part is fear and exhaustion.

find all the feelings. then circle the ones you want to dress up inside of? which parts of you hold the feelings of the woman you want to embody and be inside of right now? which parts of her are the ones guiding you towards your own freedom plan, the life of your design?

find the feelings. then go dress her up. does she need a scarf in her hair, silver fake tattoos on her arms, long feather earrings or a suit with heels and red lipstick?

does she have a signature color (i am gray) or scent? does she go the market in her leather jacket and sexy boots looking like the hottest mom or does she put on her leggings and big sweater and sit on a sheepskin rug to write?

every day she can be new, change, show up for the parts that she is today.

and she can find love and softness for the parts that aren’t her favorites because they all belong. they all guide her inside of her life of design. her freedom. her joy. her heart centered business that becomes her freedom plan.

who is she today? who is the woman who believes she can dream, vision, create and manifest the life of her design? dress her up. be inside of the feeling. send blessings to all her parts.

she said ::

“today is amazing. and it is only becoming more amazing with the support of all of you. my circle. the ones who i tell my dreams to and who believe in them often more than i do.”

he said ::

“good morning beautiful. i am a powerful manifestor.”

she said ::

“i am ready. i’ve got this.”

today make your list. find the feeling of the parts you want to embody today. dress her up. let her be seen and felt.

she is you. you are her. and this is the life of your design.

magic making business circle starts in the morning.

4 months.

all your parts.
all the feelings.
all the work and ritual and rhythm.
all the women circling you and your dreams.

join us.

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sexy and sanguine.

October 30, 2015

ss7

What :: 4 weeks of sexy and sanguine soulwork prompts, challenges and explorations

Why :: Confidence is freaking HOT.

When ::  November 16th

Cost :: $69 (sexiest price right?)

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Your rogue ecstasy, your story of fantasy, your beautiful spaces?

Have you embraced the romance of waking up in your skin?

Can you feel the sensuality inside of grey, the rawness of an orange sky, the taste of a kiss full of red wine?

Do you reflect your light in others and draw their curiosity of pleasure into you?

Have you ripened? Have you ripened?

In a past life/future life have you stood in the blossoming of your sexuality with your senses exploding, in the gift of feeling?

And from that self that was or will be can you feel her guiding you?

Are you sexy and sanguine?

Do you feel belly passion?

Can you close your eyes and paint your beauty by numbers?

Is there a knowing in your toes, your ears, your breasts that each piece of you is loved and sacred and on the journey towards whole?

Is there a candle waiting to be lit that is celebrating you, celebrating her, celebrating this gorgeous life that you have claimed?

And where can you whisper ‘oh yes. oh yes. oh yes’?

Let me take you there. To the yes. To the roughness of your edges and the dance of your awakening.

Do you truly know her?

ss1
Sexy :: Stimulating. Erotic. Desirable. Appealing. Hot.

Sanguine :: Bloodred. Temperament of cheerfulness. Confidence.

When I was 22 I was out walking with a friend. I had long blonde hair, worked out often, was a champion dieter, known for really good skin and living in Seattle pursuing acting, 2 years away from marriage.

My friend said to me, “Whenever we are out I just watch men look at you, turn their heads.” 2 days later I went to a Salon and cut off all my hair. Not in the cute or sexy-declaration-of-myself-as-a-woman way, in the I-don’t-want-to-be-seen way. It terrified me. My sexual self, at 22, she scared me. I wanted to hide from her.

While many 22 year olds were out exploring their sexuality and beauty I found myself wanting to stuff it into a little box and find a hiding place for it. Part of my dieting history had so much to do with not wanting to be seen.

I was terrified of myself. Of my skin. Of my beauty. Of my yes.

This may not have been your 22 year old story. It may have happened after your marriage vows. Or when your first baby made her appearance. Maybe it was a story of a younger age or the fear of turning 50.

Or maybe your sexual confidence just slowly faded as the role of young woman turned into wife, mother, worker, nurturer, tender, multi-tasker.


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Confidence is alluring, hot, sexy. Each year many of us choose a guiding word or phrase that will be the feeling we want to draw into our experiences, and it is a powerful practice. When I created this course last year my guiding phrase was gracefully sexy. All to lead me further into hot confidence.

Confidence is gracefully sexy.

Managing finances is gracefully sexy.

Feeling delicious in your skin is gracefully sexy.

Creating healthy boundaries is gracefully sexy.


Sexy and Sanguine Woman know…

  • boundaries are beautiful.
  • dreams come true from feelings.
  • closets are sanctuaries.
  • the shade of lipstick that lights them up, or the perfect lipgloss to plump.
  • just when breakfast is for dinner and that bubbly can happen anytime, anywhere.
  • the part of their body they always hated can actually guide their pleasure.
  • pleasure.
  • how to hold a gaze.
  • how to receive. Really.
  • how to stand in front of a mirror naked.
  • to kiss and say hello before listing off complaints.
  • beauty is in the details.
  • how to hold space.
  • feeling sexy is inside and out.
  • that iterative living is gorgeous.
  • how to take risks.
  • saying yes is a turn on, after learning to say no.
  • that listening changes everything.
  • how to follow their animal spirit guide or tarot card into sacred space.
  • that hot confidence is a practice.
  • how to walk into a room and really see.
  • how to ask the questions that flip it all around.
  • that hot confidence is fierce magic.
  • that an awakening is non-negotiable.

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What you’ll need for this course…

  • A camera, iphone is great
  • Some apps for your picture editing which I’ll share with you at start
  • A journal to poem and vision in, I love Moleskines
  • Some white space, clear the calendar a bit for some sexy and sanguine prompts
  • A hot date, with yourself, with a girlfriend or many, with your lover… in celebration

How it will work…

  • One prompt a day for 28 days alternating between photo prompts and soulwork prompts
  • Guest posts from women who have made a practice of loving and photographing their bodies
  • A FB group where we will gather and share our photos and our soulwork
  • An instagram hashtag for online sharing, though those photos will be the more cropped versions ;)
  • 4 weeks of learning to feel incredibly sexy in our skin

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I look at who I am now after a year of this sexy and sanguine guiding soulwork and I am blown away. I feel gorgeous in my skin. I take my really bad days and I flip them around by getting infront of my camera. I made some huge life shifting decisions in this last year that took me from an edge of pain and unknowing into joy and movement.

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I learned to spend time with my belly, the part of my body that gave me the most angst, torture that I had carried since childhood.

I photographed my belly, spent time adoring it and let myself lead my sexuality with this part of me that for so long had been hidden as though it was what made me unworthy of love. I look at the pictures of me now I can’t believe I am the same woman. I feel like I have grown new skin. Every part of my cells seem to have changed into something lighter and filled with compassion and adoration for my own eyes.

My invitation to you is to come along for 4 weeks but to know that this journey will last into your year of 2016. It will be the beginning of a practice into deep sexy and sanguine living. I believe it will change your life.

Looking at yourself through the lens, doing the soulwork prompts, letting other women adore you and see you, you will not leave the same woman. You will leave with your sexy and sanguine in your soul.

I know, you have some questions…

Do I have to get naked? Nope. But most of the women do in some way start to look at their body, their skin, their nakedness through the camera. Often it is just the curve of a hip or their shoulder and arm in the sunlight. You absolutely do not.

Do I need to share all my photos in the group? You can share whatever feels good to you. Or share them with your partner privately. Or keep them all to yourself. This is about you seeing you through your lens. I will say one of the most life changing parts of this course is seeing other women’s bodies and the words that flow back to them and lift them. I am  in awe of the beauty that I am met with each day inside of this circle.

I am taking your Magic Making Business Circle, will I be able to do both? You absolutely can. What I always suggest is that you carve out a little bit of time each day for this soul work, kind of like the ritual of a cup of coffee or morning shower. The Business course will be weekly prompts, giving us time to explore and take big actions and this course is daily. Tiny bites of prompts. I deeply believe that both work together.

We will also be able to use this course as a great reference for the work we are doing in biz, as well as talking about things from Community Grace (which we will pull in).

I know you have more questions. Email us at hello@hannahmarcotti.com and we’ll find an answer or two just for you.

 

 

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headerglowing

 

(photo from ruthpclark.com)

i soaked the brown rice in water and apple cider vinegar. defrosted the shrimp. rubbed the kale. rubbed it some more. watched for hours as it went from over flowing the bowl down to a small tight mound of green.

the kids always know when it is a night when i need them to desire less attention from me. they push for just a bit more than they typically ask for. but they are so much fun.

i had asked two of my dearest friends, ruth and melissa, to come over and i would feed them and do some business coaching/masterminding with their businesses. i am out of practice and i wanted some beautiful humans to work with. and i knew we would have fun, no matter what.

i had an image of the night that didn’t match up.

what i received was a huge gift. laughter. my kids showing me how amazing they are and how good we are and how right i was making the choices i have made so i can be the mother i have always wanted.

my life being designed beautifully after a whole shit ton of hard work.

my boyfriend texting me saying he was thinking of me and wishing he was there with us.

my friends loving each other up. talking about their dreams and visions and more dreams.

and I sat there in absolute joy. i felt like i was home. because i am home.

home in my skin, in my knowing, in my fear, in my failures, in my risks, in my love, in my mothering, in my dharma, in my sexuality, in my happiness.

i am home. and the people gathering around me are manifestations of what i have desired for as long as i can remember.

they let me nurture them and love them and hold space for them and laugh with them and then they ask me what i need and then tell me how they are going to show up for me.

i am home. and we talk business as the kids show up in their own ways around us. accepting this, accepting me, accepting this life i have been dreaming of for them.

we talk about hope and faith. we eat shrimp and rice and kale.

and ruth googles jim carrey’s famous speech. and he says, “hope walks through the fire and faith leaps over it.”

i feel like i am flying over the fire. i feel lifted and loved in ways i never thought i would be able to take in, to draw into myself.

our hamster that has been missing and suspected of building her nest under our oven made some commotion as we were talking business in the living room.

we miss her. she was my companion during the early days of separation when the kids would be at their dad’s house and i would be with myself, struggling to know who i was now.

we miss her. so my middle little one set up watch and waited for one hour until he finally saw her run out to taste an orange we set out for her. she saw him and ran away. and his tears slipped out as he slid into bed after his hunting for the little hamster came to an end.

and we continued to laugh. and dream. we turned out the lights so the boys could sleep. and i sat on my chair and saw the texts from the man i am falling more in love with every minute that passes.

i felt like i was glowing. my women. my kids. my man. even my hamster.

faith. i walked through the fire for years. and it hurt. and i was lost.

but now my faith is so strong i am flying. the hope brought me to risk. the pain of what i knew was not my destiny, the walking through fire, the hard work. it gave me wings. and joy.

and here i am. leaping over fire. home. inside the giggles and snuggles and deep kisses and long talks.

the simplest things bring me joy. cooking them dinner. listening to their silliness. rubbing his feet as he tells me stories of his past. knowing texts from friends i adore.

my women leave and the kids are asleep. the house is dark and quiet. the hamster making no movement.

i pour a glass of water and brush my teeth. i think about setting the coffee pot but am too tired.

i text him back. the words that have become ours over the last few months.

“i love you still.”

and at the same time we text each other…

“i love you again.”

and we leap over the fire together.

xo

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i ask for so little

September 18, 2015

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i have a story. in three bubbles.

part martyr bubble. part not allowing bubble. part fear bubble.

my story starts with these words, “well, i ask for so little, so…”

the martyr bubble has no idea how to receive. she only does. only wants to do. i mean, she asks for so little and does so much. please don’t try to do for her. she has no time for that.

the not allowing bubble part of the story has not learned how to look inside and figure out what she needs. and she has needs. lots of them. she spent so long not having needs met that she doesn’t even know how to search for them, so she asks for so little…

the fear bubble is an interesting one. the fear is that it is not safe to ask. it is not safe to want. it is selfish to need. and the biggest fear, that she doesn’t deserve to need or communicate those needs.

i have been telling this story, with my little bubbles, for a long (long) time. a beautiful soul recently challenged me around my story. he challenged me to think about what i was really saying with those words, how i was triggering others and creating a system of my expectations from others.

and after he challenged my story i saw the bubbles fall down around me. and i realized how layered this story was. and how it was holding me down and creating disconnect in relationships.

i must learn how to receive and allow others to receive pleasure from doing for me. i also need to learn that i don’t have to hold it all myself.

i am allowed to need. to want. to ask. i am allowed to go inside and figure out what feels good to me and communicate those needs. without fear.

and fear? teaching me so much. as fear does. it is teaching me that i am ready to feel safe. to ask for safety when i ask for what i need. my needs may not be able to be met the way i hope, i may have to adjust or call in patience, but they don’t stand a shot if i don’t ask. if i don’t put myself out there.

so i wrote a new story. in three bubbles.

and it goes something like this, “i look inside for what i need. in safety i am able to share my needs. meeting my needs brings others joy.”

boom.

 

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Moving Day

August 24, 2015

 

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she is grace, love and abundance.
she has taught me how to receive, how to understand, how to know myself at a deeper level.
and she is moving.
leaving the country for a year.
she is selling all her belongings and moving out of the country.
she is bravery. risk. and gorgeous.

her bravery triggered my fears. about losing her, being alone, being left.
she is one of my secret weapons in business, the person i talk to about playing ‘small’ rather than wanting to be bigger than what my life and heart can hold.
i pushed her away when i couldn’t hold the sadness around her leaving.
my fears in life and love and business were all unearthed as she prepared to move.
and she is moving.

she has set up her life and love and business so that she can be anywhere. at any time.
she is letting go of all she owns so she can be free and stretch to a new edge.
there are tears and nerves and growing pains for her, for him, for all of us.
my love and i went and helped her, them, pack up their home.
we took her furniture and her energy with us into the second half of our lives together. her energy and blessings are pulsing inside of the physical things she is releasing to us.
and she holds my heart, as she prepares to move.

her moving day feels like the moment i knew i would have a third baby and had lost myself and had to find her again.
her moving day feels like the moment i enrolled in school to start a business that called to me and scared me.
her moving day feels like the moment i told him i was done and my heart needed to be set free.
her moving day feels like the first moment i paid for rent and food and bills for my kids and i all on my own from the money i earned from the business i grew out of nothing into something.
her moving day feels like the moment he asked if he could kiss me, our nerves were palpable and we were both shaking inside.
her moving day feels like the moment i decided to trust him to be my life partner, because it scares me that he might be gone tomorrow.
her moving day feels like the moment i launch a new program wondering if i will be able to pay rent and feed my kids and plan the next six months of income.
her moving day feels like the moment i believed in me, in her, in him, in my life’s calling, in my family.

her moving day is a good-bye and a hello. an end that is the beginning. a fear that is love.

her moving day is everything i have risked to set up my life so that i can be free and circle and be there for my calling.

her moving day is how we change our lives. how we risk it. how we call in the next vibration of who we are becoming.

her moving day is her knowing that her business will allow her to be inside of freedom and joy and release.

her moving day is a promise and whisper and reminder and vibration for all of us that it is worth it.
the fear.
the uncertainty.
the chance.
the unknowing that is the deepest knowing.
the iterations that are now. now.

she is grace.
she is my constant.
she holds me tight as i cry into her neck.
she tells me that i deserve all of it.
she promises me as she stands there on her moving day that everything that blesses me now is because i give and now the return is a million fold.
she squeezes me as i tell her how much i love her and that i can do this, i can let her go because her going is freedom for all of us.

and she is moving.
and she is so blessed because she is risk, she is joy, she is the knowing inside the truth that movement changes everything.

xo

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