Guiding Your Course To The Gorgeous Life

between mirrors and moose.

June 16, 2013

as long as the bag is toppling over with celery and almond butter, fizzy water to send bubbles up our noses.

as long as you remind me to stop at red lights because my stories wind me into myself.

as long as the clouds drop sun kisses on our shoulders next to glass windows looking out to daydreaming forests.

as long as i peek at your eyes listening, in the mirror that shows me all that is behind my present self.

as long as the road not meant for us becomes the one we must spiral on.

as long as we sip from cold cocktail glasses under moose heads and trade stories with youth.

as long as we wrap our arms around new bodies and look first into eyes.

as long as we let our fingers type on keys that pull us from crowded spaces into the knowing of prompts.

as long as we stand on her waters and lift arms to God, Universe, and open up surrender of those we hold too tightly because we came here to these waters to open our hands.

as long as memories become poetry.

as long as our spaces share time.

as long as the moon becomes new and invites us to wander through our openings, narrating each glimpse, each lullaby hush of spaces between.

***

(Thank you Maya Stein for the gorgeous as long as prompt!)

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Story Whispers ~ Vivienne McMaster

June 11, 2013

I find myself eager for settling in with a cup of tea or glass of wine with those who I admire and hearing their story whispers. I crave these stories and voices.

The magic inside of the words, the treat of the truth and that moment of ‘yes, me too’ are why we must keep sharing our stories. I am making an effort to hear stories in person and through connection as well as tell my stories in whatever ways the words wish to flow out.

Oh this woman. From standing naked in a forest with her snapping pictures of me to her raw truth and self love that comes through in her course. I am blessed to have Vivienne McMaster in my life.

I took Vivienne’s course, Be Your Own Beloved, a few months ago and I was completely in awe of her way with words, photos, prompts. I take very few courses and this one I would take again and again. We are both at a similar place in our careers, gathering tribe, working on sharing more words and growing at a pace that is so fiercely magical and a little bit scary sometimes.

I am thrilled to be part of her life and watching her journey. Please fall in love with my girl, Viv.

Take us through your gorgeous life in terms of your senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and any others that you possess.

Sight is always at the forefront. Noticing the way things sparkle, the words written in the pavement, the shift of one texture to another, the way light falls on the ground.

The other senses weave their way into the story too. The scent of lilac on the tree next door, the texture of a flower petal I can’t help but stop to feel, the sounds of a vibrant neighbourhood with lots of people engaging with one another saying ‘Good Morning’ and the very loud purr of my sidekick kitty Ladybug. The taste of really good coffee, apples and kale from the farmers market.

The moment you knew you had found your thing, the one that would propel you forward because you can’t not do it?

I feel like I’ve been on a journey towards my one thing, but it took a lot of little brave steps towards it. Right from the start of doing work around selfportraiture and inviting people to turn their cameras on themselves it has felt like my one true thing but it was only back in late last year when I made some shifts in the work I was doing to have more of a focus on selflove and the words ‘Be Your Own Beloved’ rolled from my pen to paper. It was the clarity of those words and the work that followed them that really made me feel like I really found my soul mission in life and I couldn’t not bring it to the world.

Feeling phrase: how do you want to feel when you are inside of your creative life?

At home, that it is a part of me the way when you’re riding your bike and it feels like an extension of your limbs.

In love, I want to continue to follow the lead of the places in my creative life that I feel head over heels for, that I just can’t wait to dig into.

Resilient. I want to be able to work through rough patches, blocks or fears as they are truly part of the process of living a creative life and allowing it to evolve and grow.

Magical moments: what are they to you and how do you open to receiving them?

I feel like our cameras can be an amazing tool for being open to magical moments. Sometimes they happen as I’m being open to finding a moment to take a photo and find something serendipitous on my path. Other times the magic happens within the camera where you capture a magical moment or something unexpected. I’ve also learned along the way (both with photography and life) the most magical moments happen when we thought we might have made a mistake, or we are outside our comfort zone!

Is there a ritual that you start your day with?

The morning is when I feel most alive, most clear and when I feel like I connect most with the writer in me and when the ideas are at the forefront. So to be honest I dive right into my work in the morning … so my morning ritual is coffee and diving into the work that makes me feel really alive! I have other rituals within my day and week for self care but have learned to listen to that bright morning spirit in me that just wants to dive into work (and feel grateful that my work often feels like play too).

Favorite part of your body, tell us why you love it?

I’d have to say my eyes, which is kind of funny because I have really bad eyesight, but I’m not really talking about their physicality…rather the way they allow me to see the world.

I also am finally, after a long stretch of healing body image, am able to see the woman I am becoming and I am appreciating her curvature and shape as a whole….finally able to see the beauty in myself right here and right now.

Favorite quote:

One of my favourite quotes these days is about beauty and selflove, but I return to it so often and remember that in any moment we are the beholder of what is manifesting in our lives and how we want to look at it.

People often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where other have not dared to look including inside ourselves.
~ Salma Hayek

A mantra or affirmation that guides you:

One of my personal mantras that I use in my work and in my everyday is that ‘Playfulness is an antidote to fear’. I love being able to take something that might overwhelm us or bring out our inner perfectionist and find a way to reframe it or get past it through just accessing our creative or playful side.

Your guiding word/s for the year:

I feel like I’m still living and learning about the word I chose last year which was actually Confidence. I’m a fan of choosing words that really get to the nitty gritty of the changes I want to make in my life. Confidence wasn’t a poetic word but it absolutely transformed my life to choose it.

******************************

Vivienne McMaster is photographer and teaches online and in person workshops helping people to be their own beloved and see themselves with kindness through their cameras. Having found her way back to herself after a rough patch through the magic of photography, she believes that self portraiture and creative exploration can save our lives. She shares her colourful visual stories over at her website (http://www.beyourownbeloved.com)

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See me.

June 10, 2013

(Photo credits. 1. Ruth Clark 2. Vivienne McMaster 3. Lori Massie 4. Vivienne McMaster

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Mini Manifesto

June 4, 2013

I’ve been exhausted lately. The result of going full force since about January. Travelling, getting a Loft and turning it into magic, running course after course, finding more space for social time than I have in years and some deep shadow work are probably why. Probably.

But I prefer to pretend I must have some wacky illness, be like, really sick. Something must be wrong for me to be tired. To take 3 days off from working. To sleep crazy hours. To skip yoga. To want to go back to bed an hour after I wake up. To feel my anxiety slipping in. To be so bloated and irritable.

Yesterday on my third day of needing huge space from computers and phones and the to-do list I made just to coax myself out of my exhaustion, I realized I was just tired. Tired. And maybe the stuffy nose and cough are showing up to slow me down just a bit.

And instead of anything getting crossed off the to-do list I quickly wrote a mini manifesto.

So here I am.

Learning to pace myself to the beat of my heart.

Later I’ll probably take a nap and then make a beautiful dinner.

Might even have a grapefruit mimosa.

Sometimes we need to call ourselves back home.

***

After my days of rest I am going back into these days. This process and practice is what grounds me and helps me come back to me, to my home, to my ritual that keeps time. We start June 10th and the group of women joining is making my heart happy.

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Holding their feelings in your hands.

May 29, 2013

She sends a picture of a page in her vision book in a text. It is open and free and serene. A beautiful dream about love. Instantly my mind sees the words ‘open my hand.’

I text back. “You totally don’t need to do anything with this, but I had this intuitive hit and saw the words ‘open my hand’ and you can totally do whatever you want with it.”

She responds that she has no idea what it means but will think about it.

I respond that I never get intuitive hits on people’s vision pages, I don’t know either. Haha!

***

I wake up and feel wrong in my skin. Everything I put on feels as though it is choking me or stabbing me. Even yoga pants and my favorite huge black shirt that falls off my shoulder, just the way I usually feel at home in my body, feel wrong. I want to run, cry, scream, howl at the fucking moon for having to have been full during an eclipse or whatever is happening.

And I’m starving.

***

We lay in bed naked. The first relief I’ve felt from my skin all day. He rubs my skin and I feel the discomfort of the day melt.

“Tell me one of your beautiful dreams.”

“Explain the prompt.”

“Something that you can see, can vision within a year from now. And then you find the feeling inside of it.”

His dream made me smile in its depth of simplicity. About happy.

All about moving through this world as your soul longs to see you walk.

***

We lay naked. He rubs my skin. I feel myself yield. I feel loved. I feel seen.

He wasn’t trying to fix it or change it or justify it. He let me have my feelings. All day I felt wrong in my skin and I stayed with it.

I felt seen in my own truth.

***

Sarah writes a blessing each week for our Magic Making Circle. She sends this week’s blessing led by the quote::

“To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go.”~ Lao Tzu

I cry.

***

I send her a text. “So, I kid you not, this just was sent to me.” I share the quote.

She texts back. “I kid you not. A prayer I said last night.

let me be free. let me let go of control. let me find joy and just be.”

We just met a few weeks ago.

***

I go to WordPress and open the dashboard.

A post I started over a week ago. Only the title, no words.

Holding their feelings in your hands.

***

I make a strong cup of coffee.

I sit down and type.

The story isn’t how I have been learning to no longer take on others’ feelings as my own.

The story is hers. And his. The intersection between the vibration of what we are learning and the spirit guides that enter.

***

I go back and find a text that another spirit guide in my life sent:

Imagine living your whole life never learning how to receive big time love and making magic?

***

We are all just walking each other home. ~ Ram Dass

***

And so it is. This fierce, fierce magic.

***

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This space for visioning.

May 25, 2013

Months of slowly gathering furniture, fabrics, dishes, twinkles. Pieces that felt as though they were showing up just for this time and space. The antique store finds – blue glass and old crates, the oversized Target lights, white rocks from the beach and rugs from Ikea. Letting this gift of place come alive in those last few days and hours and hours of preparation. Standing back and watching the lights glow and that moment of knowing the deep trust that I found, the huge risk to have this space to heal and bring joy to myself and my tribe.

Circling with women I hadn’t seen in a month or 17 years or was just meeting for the first time. This circling, my spirit’s calling to gather us. To sit women down in a space together and show them how safe and gorgeous and divine our shared words can become.

The visioning workshop held at The Loft came from my personal vision work in January. The prompt 5 beautiful dreams. I wrote, “Physical space to discover my layers. Disco ball.” In February a gift from the man who is helping me discover my layers and freedom, a disco ball. The prompt following the 5 beautiful dreams, find the feeling inside the dream. I wrote, “To feel free.” My visions manifest so quickly now because I always know how I want to feel and go find a way to feel it. I call it magic making.

Circling for me always involves the nurture and rhythm that sharing food and drink provides. I love ‘breaking bread’ with others. And doing so under twinkles in a warm space fills me. Fills me.

When I guide circles I feel my soul whispers. This is where I was meant to stand, sit, be. Allowing others the safety of getting a bit uncomfortable and holding the truth of the future they may not be able to see yet. I am hungry for this work.

Words spill out from pouches in my purse, letters, vision books, magazines, every area of my life. The guiding words, images, visions of where we want to go, who we are. Feeling stuck, vision yourself through it. #likewhoa

And trusting that I don’t have to do it alone. That I can ask for support. Another of my 5 beautiful dreams that I manifested in about 2 hours after gluing it into my book. Women who I could call in to be my guides along these journeys. It scared me to ask for help. To be needy in that way. To receive is my practice. So that I may continue giving and circling.

At The Loft.

Please join us June 6th for the last class in the Spring Series, Tastes of Spring, In the kitchen with Persephone Brown. The summer series will be announced soon with so much for you to enjoy. Thank you for being here in this virtual circle.

***

(Ruth and Persephone and Chelsae, thank you, love you!)

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Choosing. A to-do list of surrender.

May 24, 2013

Sitting in deep surrender today. Letting her wisdom wash over me. Letting the uncomfortable bits settle down into my belly as I take a deep breath, all the way down to my pelvic floor.

I feel my pelvis relax, open and then slowly I feel it gently close, without the tension.

Surrender’s prayer, “I feel uncomfortable and I want to hide from it. Please don’t let me hide, numb, run.”

Tears. Smiles. A release of the jaw.

Texts full of the words that only women who love you without fear or judgement can send.

Thoughts of a friend whose words I miss and the knowing that time is a beautiful manifestation of space. The vulnerability of a healing relationship, the journey that is not yours alone. A house sitting in clutter and humidity, holding my space. Writing from bed with his little body next to mine, my constant shadow, the grounding.

Poetry spinning in my heart, words like blessings, insatiable for time to be seen.

Today I choose to be gentle in my words. Today I choose to go get my bangs trimmed. Today I choose to put on clothes that feel sexy against my skin, that may be yoga pants and flip flops. Today I choose to mix accomplishing with rest, a challenge. Today I choose to call in my spirit guides, to allow them to hold my unknown. Today I choose desire. Today I choose to cut out words in magazines and let them lead me, the practice that heals my heart.

Today I choose surrender’s prayer as my starting moment.

***

Second photo credit Vivienne McMaster. Third photo credit Chloe Marcotti.

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#catchingmomentsoflove

May 22, 2013

Me:: The impression may be that I’m on social media a lot. I am not. But I have a very active presence on it. Between Facebook and Instagram you can see me daily. I love that Instagram can share to Facebook and Twitter.

I use social media for connection. I don’t use it to numb or kill time, anymore. There was a time when I could get lost in the comparisons, maybe I will just call it the social media learning curve. Now I just want ease, connection and to adore my tribe that gathers each day virtually.

I use social media to show up in as much realness as I can offer in glimpses. I show pictures of beautiful food and of me in my car with a bag of potato chips. I take selfies on good hair days and on days after I have been sitting in the car for two hours in front of the emergency room having a panic attack.

I use social media to tell a story. A story of my life so that I may connect to other’s lives. I use it to catch moments I may have overlooked and ground me in the now, hoping to ground others in their’s.

Mostly pictures tell my story on social media. Sometimes a poem. I may feel moved to share deep truths knowing that my deep truth is not mine to hold alone, but ours to share. I didn’t have a computer in college you know. We still used pay phones.

There is this deep desire inside of me to want to fully show ME on social media.

I want to be the one who you meet for the first time in person and hear you say, “Omg, you are just like you are online.”

But I’m not.

I am the one who you meet and you say, “Whoa you are so different than I thought. You don’t ever sit still. Not as zen as I thought.”

Zen? Me? ZEN? Haven’t I mentioned that I rearrange furniture every week and that I have ADD and my anxiety is, well, high?

A friend of mine once said that I was the person who walked into a room and changed the breeze because I bring my own wind. So maybe that doesn’t show up in a still picture, a moment in time.

I’m learning to be OK with that. I share on social media with my vibration, my energy, my soul’s song. If you find some zen in all that, kind of cool right?

You:: I want you to see the mess and the beauty. I want to tell a real story and through that story connect you with the work I do in this world. Because what I am living and what I bring are connected. Their stories mingle. Social media allows me that gorgeous gateway to sharing this.

But you will see what you want. You will perhaps only see the beauty, those moments captured in time. You’ll see a cute smile and think they never fight or throw tantrums, even if I tell you that they do, all the time.

I will keep telling you about my panic attacks and when my heart hurts. I will keep capturing moments of love. I will keep showing up because I want you to show up in your life.

Sometimes you’ll tell me things like this, on social media:: “Thank you for saying it out loud, feels less lonely when I read your words.” And so I keep telling my stories, because you and I are walking together.

If my (or anyone’s) sharing on social media ever makes you feel less than, take a break, find a new way. Stop looking at the newsfeed and take more pictures of yourself. Comment only on your own posts for a while. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk. Challenge yourself to find that sweetspot inside of social media that brings truth, story, connection and some joy into your world.

You can find that spot. I did. I love it there. I take breaks when I need them. I send blessings of connection in that sweet spot. And the energetic vibrations that are returned are magical.

If you are struggling to find contentment on social media you can go, leave. You don’t have to be there. Simple, I know, but you can. Or you grab a hashtag and play the gratitude game. Every time you take a picture with a hashtag down below it is a gratitude to life. To you.

If you’d like to play along on Instagram here are some hashtags::

#catchingmomentsoflove This is my new one. I’m excited that it will allow me to find little ‘love notes’ inside of my day.

#startingmoments Read about that one here.

#ilovethislifenow No explanation needed right?

#operationselfcarelikewhoa For when you are stepping into that deep level of self care that maybe you forgot you needed and it is saving your life.

#magicmaking Cause we all need to remember to see and make magic in our days.

My favorite thing about life is choice. That we choose how we want to feel. Social media is an amazing place to practice this. Out of over 3,000 friends on FB I have the most beautiful group of people who choose to lift each other up. This is what I draw into my life through social media and what I invite you to take on.

We choose how we want to feel. So on social media I’ll be #catchingmomentsoflove, sharing my work and showing up in all my realness. Can’t wait to see you there.

***

Thank you to Social Media Consciousness: The blog project, for asking me to write a piece and be a part of this conversation. Follow #socialmediaconsciousness on Twitter and make sure to read some or all of the other posts. The conversation is brilliantly open and real.

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The Making Space Cleanse ~ Summer Solstice Celebration

May 16, 2013

10 days of Making Space at your own pace!
June 10th
All leading up to a Summer Solstice Celebration that you have just for yourself or invite others to!!!!
Together with a group to inspire and support.
New videos and recipes!
Join with a friend option.

$79.00 $39.00 Summer Solstice Price!!!

$49.00 Join with a friend price!!!

How do we get from where we are to where we want to be? We make space for the joy in our now and watch the magic unfold.

I am staring at my piles of clutter, my unswept floors, the toys that fill baskets and are never played with and the Spring garden is begging me to weed it. And I feel panic. Like true, true panic. Where is the time, how did I get here again, where does all this stuff come from? The front door still isn’t painted, well, is half painted and none of my boy’s clothes fit them. Panic.

I remind myself that this is my life. This is my process. I will always be challenged by space and stuff and piles of clutter. And when I start to feel so disconnected to my home I need to slow down and go back into the process of making space. It is slow. It is guided. It works.

My vision of summer is not piles of stuff stopping me from packing picnics or having spontaneous celebrations with homemade watermelon drinks. I want space, sand on the floor, piles of shells and the sounds of laughter. I want to prepare my home for the change of season because I kid you not, the snow shovels are still sitting in my hallway!

I want to have a Summer Solstice Celebration. So I must make space.

I want to invite you along into ritual, trust and magic. I want you to prepare your home and your heart and your mind for an amazing Summer Solstice Celebration.

This is only the beginning of inviting the magic in and dancing inside of rituals that feed our spirits and trusting that we are not only enough, but if enough could spill into overflowing, that is what we are.

Our homes, hearts and minds are all a part of the journey. Focusing on those, we can then step into the loving task of changing our life through the food we choose to eat, the way we honor our homes and ourselves. This is as close to balance as you can discover. Balance is not a goal it is an action, it is what we are always swaying in and out of. Making space is seeking out ritual, knowing that you will fall out of alignment as part of life’s dance and developing the skills to ease back when you do.

For 10 days, making space in our homes, hearts and minds

One letter each day with a making space prompt, from visioning and clearing space to flipping negative thought patterns
Small, simple gestures that you can take on at your own pace
Look at why you hold onto things or have trouble letting go of stuff, thoughts, habits
10 days of learning how to listen to yourself, through reflection and meditation
10 days of setting aside soft space each day for dreaming, watching and simply being in your space
10 days to understand the power you have to control your desires by taking on simple rituals and making more space in your life
A online FB group of women going through the 10 days with you

Making space in our bodies using thoughts and foods that bring energy, vitality and joy

Never once will you be worried about breaking a rule
One recipe a day, straight from my kitchen, very few ingredients, gluten-free
Nothing is “off limits” (really)
10 days of starting each day with softness and ease for your body
10 days of learning that you are enough and deserve to be treated like a goddess
10 days of watching your body release the habits that are making you exhausted, frustrated and full of anxiety
One letter a day for 10 days with a prompt to make more space in your body and fill your cells with love and healing

Who is this for?

Anyone who is ready to make peace with their home and body and understand themselves on a deeper level
Women who are feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in their homes and wanting to make more space and create living spaces that are inviting, cozy and beautiful
Holistic business owners looking to connect to a deeper understanding of themselves, developing a deeper rhythm of self care
Mamas needing a support system and guidance in creating more rituals in the home and looking to feel like beautiful women again
Women who are ready to make more space and allow their spirits to soar

Before you sign up, please read:

This is not a food cleanse.
This is about creating space in your life, opening up, expanding.
This is about you. Your process. You.

Ready to make some space like these amazing women?

“You can’t ask for a more uplifting, motivating and spiritual cleanse! It was better and more inspiring than I ever imagined. You’ll wake looking forward to a motivational email. It is all done in baby steps and achievable changes.” ~ Sarah Rich

***

“I would recommend this enlightening, soul enriching experience, to all who believe there is more to this life that so easily becomes a rut. slightly resistant, I allowed and trusted in Hannah, one of life’s angels (whom I had never met) and on this journey I evolved in so many positive ways.” ~ Toba Dadd

***

“A favourite quote of mine is from The Buddha – Do not believe just because wise men say so. Do not believe just because it has always been that way. Do not believe just because others may believe so. Examine and experience yourself.

I experienced for myself the changes which occurred within me and my thoughts to myself and my home after the Making Space Cleanse and Hannah’s soft and beautiful wisdom. You will learn how making your bed with linen you love can become a sacred ritual. How de-cluttering your home and releasing those old toys and books can release you from old emotional patterns and ways of being. I learned that by de-cluttering my daughters old toys I had created a space that allowed me to prepare with ease and grace her moving away from home to University.

Yes, the simple act of releasing clutter from our homes can be that powerful. Through this connection, you will find new connections to your home and yourself. Do not believe, just because wise women say so, examine and experience yourself – welcome to the journey.

Love and Blessings to you” ~Debbi Jackson

A beautiful daily letter holding inside of it…

My love letter to you and your gorgeous life
A Soulwork prompt
A video with me talking to you
Recipes that are simple and delicious
A chance to connect with me and other women going through the days on FB
10 days to go at your own pace, to discover a you that might surprise you, to make space that is sacred, joyous and yours

When does the 10 days start?

June 10th, a Monday. I love starting things on Mondays!
We will go through the days and they will lead us into the most beautiful of Summer Solstice Celebrations!
One letter a day, for 10 days!
Sign up with a friend for added support.

Questions::

I have done this cleanse before, is it the same? Mostly, the prompts will be much the same. Videos will be new, new recipes will be added and of course a whole new group of women going through the days together.

Do we need to buy anything? Nope. You can choose the level that you dig in. Mostly we are looking at clearing space not adding more. Sometimes in that clearing you may want to invest in an item that brings you more ease but that is all up to you. The goal is to make space inside of what you already have and learn to create sacred space inside of the home.

What if I am gone some of those 10 days? Often people are traveling. You can save the days letter for another time and add it to your soulwork for later.

How does the group work? The group is on Facebook. It is a private group just for this Making Space Community. Once you register a link is sent out to you with information of how to request into the group and a few other details.

Making Space is a way to change your life through simplicity, ritual and a little magic thrown in:

~~$79~~ $39

Summer Solstice Celebration Price!

$49 to join with a friend

“I loved Hannah’s Making Space Cleanse. In this beautifully-crafted program, Hannah nudges you to make simple, gentle changes that give you room to breathe and feel more present in your daily life. This space-clearing doesn’t feel like a chore and won’t overwhelm you with more for your to-do lists. By adding simple, nurturing rituals to your routine, Hannah helps you to see the clutter that’s occupying your physical space, dragging your energy down, and preventing you from inviting beauty and joy into your life.

I cleared a lot of clutter during the cleanse, and somehow this felt light and easy to accomplish. The more I moved away, the more energy I felt. I also discovered that I’d been storing some personal baggage in a place that felt stuck for me… a wedding album from an unhappy marriage stashed away in my office. I created a sacred space and stored the album there… I’m honoring the journey I’ve been on, with all its twists and turns, but now I’ve created the space to move on and allow new and wonderful opportunities into my career and personal life. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next.” ~ Eithne Egan trueessencecoaching.net

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Gathering. Choice. Power.

May 15, 2013

2 days after I talked with Tara about writing for the Grandmother Power Campaign I learned that my grandmother died. She lived overseas most of my life so my memories are few, but they are firm. Her house is where we gathered, I remember Chinese take-out, her making my grandfather lots of tea and my great-grandmother’s room in her house where game shows were promptly watched each day. She never forgot a card on a birthday or Holiday, and as someone who barely knows what day it is, this always blew me away.

I think of the grandmother as the gatherer. The one that brings everyone together, who spends time in the kitchen around the rhythm of food, who makes a feast out of nothing. My kids gather often with my mother, especially around the celebration of Holidays.

I have gathering in my female blood, the howling at the moon, wild women part of me.

I see myself as a grandmother with dreadlocks and a tattooed arm around a fire pit, gathering my women around and serving from an endless pot of stew on the fire. A grandmother that does not look like the grandmothers I know, one I vision that has been born of the choice to accept nothing less than a life full of joy. A woman who walks this earth bare foot, earthing as often as possible, and happy. Happy.

She is wild like me, impulsive, so freaking happy in her life and surrounded by people who are turned on by life. She is the evolved 38 year old me. She is the 57 year old who has added another arrow tattoo to her arm. One for each 19 years of living. She often has no idea what day it is and forgets what she went into the kitchen for… that hasn’t changed!

She looks back on the year she was 38 and told her husband she wasn’t happy. She remembers the moment when he said that his intention was for both of them to be happy in their lives, no matter what that had to look like. She remembers the work they did, together and separately to heal and find their happy. And only she knows what 39, 40, 41 look like. I see her smiling at me.

She remembers those moments of bravery and fear when she surprised herself with her choices. When she spoke her truth because not felt like the scariest place she could live. She knows that the awakening that came was unlike what her grandmother ever felt, or was it? What secrets and choices are inside of the pasts of our grandmothers that we will never know?

We may question the choices of the grandmothers who seemed stuck in a world not of their design, wonder if they were happy or wanted more or different. Perhaps for her speaking the truth simply meant allowing herself to be where she was. Was the gathering a joy for them or part of struggle? But no matter what, their lives had power. Different from the power we vision perhaps, but power of their choice. To be in that life. To gather. To pass down their story. To teach us to see clearly what we want.

Gathering. Choice. Power.

These are my practices. My daily meditations. I write my stories today and they link to grandmothers of past and future.

That wild woman around the fire, she has always been me. She was born when I was. We walk together. She prompts me daily to speak truth, to vision, to be of a life that I create.

As we say goodbye to my grandmother and the circle of life and passing of time continue, so too do our choices, our gatherings. Our power. We walk together in a truth that is our own. When we are ready. Ready for the change, the surrender into this moment, now. They are different stories in different times.

Gathering. Choice. Power.

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