Moving Day

August 24, 2015

 

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she is grace, love and abundance.
she has taught me how to receive, how to understand, how to know myself at a deeper level.
and she is moving.
leaving the country for a year.
she is selling all her belongings and moving out of the country.
she is bravery. risk. and gorgeous.

her bravery triggered my fears. about losing her, being alone, being left.
she is one of my secret weapons in business, the person i talk to about playing ‘small’ rather than wanting to be bigger than what my life and heart can hold.
i pushed her away when i couldn’t hold the sadness around her leaving.
my fears in life and love and business were all unearthed as she prepared to move.
and she is moving.

she has set up her life and love and business so that she can be anywhere. at any time.
she is letting go of all she owns so she can be free and stretch to a new edge.
there are tears and nerves and growing pains for her, for him, for all of us.
my love and i went and helped her, them, pack up their home.
we took her furniture and her energy with us into the second half of our lives together. her energy and blessings are pulsing inside of the physical things she is releasing to us.
and she holds my heart, as she prepares to move.

her moving day feels like the moment i knew i would have a third baby and had lost myself and had to find her again.
her moving day feels like the moment i enrolled in school to start a business that called to me and scared me.
her moving day feels like the moment i told him i was done and my heart needed to be set free.
her moving day feels like the first moment i paid for rent and food and bills for my kids and i all on my own from the money i earned from the business i grew out of nothing into something.
her moving day feels like the moment he asked if he could kiss me, our nerves were palpable and we were both shaking inside.
her moving day feels like the moment i decided to trust him to be my life partner, because it scares me that he might be gone tomorrow.
her moving day feels like the moment i launch a new program wondering if i will be able to pay rent and feed my kids and plan the next six months of income.
her moving day feels like the moment i believed in me, in her, in him, in my life’s calling, in my family.

her moving day is a good-bye and a hello. an end that is the beginning. a fear that is love.

her moving day is everything i have risked to set up my life so that i can be free and circle and be there for my calling.

her moving day is how we change our lives. how we risk it. how we call in the next vibration of who we are becoming.

her moving day is her knowing that her business will allow her to be inside of freedom and joy and release.

her moving day is a promise and whisper and reminder and vibration for all of us that it is worth it.
the fear.
the uncertainty.
the chance.
the unknowing that is the deepest knowing.
the iterations that are now. now.

she is grace.
she is my constant.
she holds me tight as i cry into her neck.
she tells me that i deserve all of it.
she promises me as she stands there on her moving day that everything that blesses me now is because i give and now the return is a million fold.
she squeezes me as i tell her how much i love her and that i can do this, i can let her go because her going is freedom for all of us.

and she is moving.
and she is so blessed because she is risk, she is joy, she is the knowing inside the truth that movement changes everything.

xo

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our plans

I found out I was pregnant with Lucas, my third baby,  just as I was starting to feel like I was entering the world from a long deep stay inside of raising young children. I got scared that I would lose myself and yet I was so thrilled at the idea of another baby, surprise that he was.

I made a leap of faith to enroll in school to become a health coach. At that point in my life my second, Eli, was eating ‘quesadilla pizzas’ which were brown rice and seaweed in a tortilla, so food as health and medicine was my thing. (Disclaimer, no longer does quesadilla pizza filled with seaweed fly with my kids!)

I spent almost a year piling my whole family plus our dog into a tiny car (which is why we eventually got a minivan) and spending weekends in NYC going to school during the day, coming back at night to nurse the baby who would boycott a bottle all day long. He was four months old when I started and walking by the time I graduated.

I love food. I love food as medicine. But what really lit me up were the chunks of time at school when they would talk about business. I realized this was my turn-on. Marketing. Sales. Creating your own income based on your passion. Freedom.

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My whole life I wanted my own business. I own a lot of domain names. A. Lot.

I come up with a new business idea almost daily.

When I started my business, called Hannah’s Harvest, I didn’t know how to send an attachment inside of an email. I had only just signed up for Facebook, clueless of the reach it would one day provide for my business. I had amazing mentors and coaches in my life. They patiently taught me step by step how to do everything from writing a blog post to editing a photo to starting a newsletter.

I studied businesses that I adored. I watched. I learned. I saw what I didn’t like. I saw what I loved. I was patient. I accepted that I would fail a shit ton before I would succeed. Every ‘failure’ I flipped into a learning moment.

The second year of business I made about $2,000 and I was out of my mind happy. It took me 4 more years to make an income that provides my gorgeous home, my life, my freedom. More than anything I am so proud of myself. That I kept going. That I knew I would and could do this. I was born for this. I was made to create businesses that make others feel amazing, special, loved, understood, seen, held.

My dharma is making others feel special and know that they can do anything, anything, they dream of.

I am a manifestor of the life of my dreams. I am a magic maker. I am all I desire.

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There are days when I worry. When I want to quit and give up and run away. When I am exhausted with single parenting three kids and running two businesses. Those days are part of the magic. The magic of knowing what we want.

I want more ease inside of my businesses and so I am constantly challenging my own business model. I still think most days that I am that tired mama making $2000 in the business she created out of nothing. Because she is my superhero. She is my motivation. She is my muse. I adore what she created for me. Because she never gave up. She doesn’t give up. She knows she can do hard things and does them.

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I am a magic maker. And so are you.

My invitation to you is to step inside a circle of women who are creating the businesses of their dreams or are dreaming of the businesses that will one day light them up, turn them on, create their freedom.

My invitation to you is to believe in your soulwork. In your dharma. In your joy.

My invitation to you is to become the magic maker who allows failure to fuel them, who tries, who doesn’t give up. Who fights for what they know they were put here to do.

My invitation to you is to join our circle and find your magic. Your business. Your heart centered work.

My invitation to you is to say yes to all that you know you can create, inside of the most amazing circle of women you will ever meet.

My invitation to you is to say yes. And yes again. And again.

We start November 11th on the cusp of the New Moon and will circle together for four months. When you sign up the first payment comes out now and each month after there is an auto withdrawal on the same date each month for the three months following.

$89.00 for four months




Inside this circle ::

  • monthly group coaching live calls which will be recorded
  • a free invitation to join Community Grace if you sign up by September 1st, as preparation for the work we will be doing
  • weekly prompts to help you move forward, take risks, open yourself to marketing, dreaming and creating in a new way
  • a circle of women working inside of their heart centered businesses to inspire and support
  • live chats inside of our Facebook group circle to ask me anything and share with the circle
  • the invitation to celebrate yourself and all that you bring to the world, to celebrate your gifts and superpowers

We will explore ::

  • marketing that allows you to feel authentic and true
  • money. yes. money.
  • communication with tribe and building that tribe
  • blogging, newsletters, bios, sales pages… you know, the writing piece
  • how to use social media for expanding and connecting
  • failure and success
  • upper limit ceilings and sicknesses (oh yes, this is a big one)
  • patience and pacing and movement and inspired actions
  • and you know, all the things that come up along the way

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 What women who have participated in MMC for Business are saying:

“Exploring business with Hannah is like doing anything with Hannah – filled with magic! If you are into smart, sexy, sacred work then this is place for you. The ways that this program changed my business (and me) are too many to be named here but I will share that for years the biggest struggle in my business was how to market my work in this world without the ick factor. One of the most important things I learned from working with Hannah was how to connect with my tribe and share my offerings in a way that feels heart-centered and authentic. Hannah’s program is filled with soul-stirring prompts to fuel your business (and your life) and a creative community to support you along the journey. Imagine a virtual living room full of like-minded businesswomen who will become your dear friends! Hannah gathers some of the most amazing women on the planet and the connection I’ve found in her circles is unmatched.”   – Mindy Scime 

“If you are ready and willing for your heart to lead the dance inside of your business… if you are ready to have faith in success that seems to have no roadmap but sure seems to have a lot of happy possibilities… If you are ready to surrender to the beautiful truth that your business, and your life, might in fact be better than you ever believed, then say OH YES and enjoy the ease that follows.     -Melissa Mulligan 

“Sometimes the bits and pieces of running or starting a business can feel so dry and overwhelming, but not in Hannah’s business circles!  She taught me how to bring the magic of manifestation and of loving insight into my business. During our time together in the circle, she gave both loving encouragement and the occasional ass-kicking as needed. As always, she brings her honesty, spot-on intuition, and big, big love to her people. The participants in the group were amazing too and the circle provided such a rich support where I could bring my questions and issues to the table and receive a wide variety of incredible perspectives.
As a result of working in the circle, my own business continues to grow and I began a second one. I always love my work with Hannah and bringing the magic to my businesses has been a whole other level of awesomeness!”  – Marisa Donlin

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Come home to me baby

August 16, 2015

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I am learning to drive a boat. This is a dream. One I barely knew I held. In a place I now hold as another home. A heart home. A home where love is more than I ever imagined and twinkle lights tease the water as I sip my morning coffee and say prayers to the lake.

I am learning to drive a boat. I need constant practice and repetition to feel secure and safe when I am driving. Docking the boat can make me feel like a complete failure.

The first time I took the wheel it was going at a snail’s pace. I couldn’t control it. Every time I turned the wheel there would be a delay in the movement of the boat so I would think I needed to turn it more or differently. I didn’t realize I had to be patient and wait.

When you are going slowly in a motor boat it is constant adjustments, it is harder than when the boat is on a plane, which might be one of my most intensely joyful feelings.

Every now and then when I get the boat into a plane (which means you go really really fast and the boat literally rises on top of the water and it feels like flying) and then I back off the speed the plane falls away. I am still learning to talk and listen to the boat and the water and the wind to find the speed that it is asking to be at to stay on the plane each time. And each time it is different.

You have to learn to feel it.

When I fall off the plane I feel frustration and like I will never get it. I like to get things right. I don’t like to fail.

I have patience issues. I want everything I want now. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to make constant adjustments because I don’t like going slow.

I am learning to drive a boat. The boat is teaching me to feel speed and movement. The other night I drove my love and I out to the big basin during magic hour. I got up into a plane and the wind blew my hair and the sky was pink and I was watching this man sit on his boat and be driven, I watched him relax as I took control.

I cried as the wind stung my eyes.

Then we tucked ourselves into a spot where we could both sit and watch the sunset while the boat rocked us deeper into a snuggle.

The sky kept changing. From pink to purples to blues and grays. We were both in awe. It was one of the favorite moments of my life.

It is what I hold onto when we fall off of our personal plane. When we go from feeling so high and in love to fighting and being triggered from our past twenty years each of old stories and hurts and wounds and holes and fears.

We are scared. We are scared of how good this feels inside of a really fucked up time. Two divorces, kids, transitions, a time when neither of us expected to meet and fall in love in about two hours. We go from a snail’s pace making constant adjustments for the other to being on the plane, tears of joy stinging our eyes and then we stop listening, hearing and we fall off the plane.

Boom. Ouch. Fear. More fear.

We have our old fears. The ones we carried from childhood into our past marriages and then created new ones inside of soul contracts that needed to end.

We have those fears and they are being challenged by the other that maybe they are no longer true.

When you challenge someone’s deepest fears by giving them more love than they have ever felt, it should be easy, but, it kind of is like when I mess up docking the boat or I fall off a plane and I pull away from the wheel and say, “forget it, i can’t do this.”

It is that moment of wanting to run from what you want most because it means you have to be inside of the fear, challenge it for yourself because no one can confront it for you.

Every time I witness myself manifest my fears I am amazed at how powerful of a manifestor I am. Luckily I have a partner and friends who won’t let me get away with the fears being more than my joy bubble.

After I refused to touch the boat again after messing up the docking and then turning the starter instead of shutting the engine down (yep, seriously) I made a choice to vision my next boat ride. I saw the planes, I saw myself feeling the water, the boat, the wind. I asked my love to talk me slowly through each thing as though I had never done any of it before so I could feel safe in my fear of messing up.

I docked perfectly. I understood and I visioned it before and during. And my love held space for my fear. He let me process then heard what I needed to move through the fear together.

And now I find myself needing to give him space for his fears. I need to let him process and hear what he needs from me.

We are making constant adjustments every time we slow down and make space so that we may find our way to each other.

We want to come home to each other. We want to dock the boat together. We want to create a new way of loving and nurturing and holding space.

We plane. We fall. We make love. We adjust again. We feel. We listen. We hear. We process. We dock. We make more love.

And we say…

Come home to me baby, come home.

xo – Hannah

 

Laughing Loon Retreat

We have only 4 spaces left at our magical retreat where loons swim and candles are generously lit.

And the food… well, the food will be amazing.

The Laughing Loon retreat from September 24-27th  in Maine.

Join us.

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A 30 day course in community, connection and gathering

October 13th under the New Moon

$79

Early Bird Rate of $69 until September 1st

The first idea came as I was walking the dog thinking about my weekly newsletter, Making Space, and my heart was overflowing with the gratitude for the responses I get from this gorgeous community each time I send one out. I thought, this is community grace. It feels like a long table under the stars, set with water glasses and wine goblets, bowls flowing with salads and soups and community gathering around in truth and harmony. Being together, sharing a common goal (that beautiful meal and conversation).

To me community grace is each of our hands showing the deep truth of who we are and what we desire. Our hands painting or cooking or writing or praying or holding or sewing or touching or planting or smoothing the table cloth on the long wooden table as we prepare for our meal.

They always have a story, each program I create. If my memory was better I would remember what the idea for this program first was. It wasn’t as it looks now. It grew and expanded, it shape shifted into Community Grace.

The idea settled in and started to talk to me, as they all do. They almost create themselves as I witness what they want to become. My community without knowing it helps each program become what it needs to be.

Gathering your community, your audience, is finding those that deeply resonate with and need the words you are sharing with them. A community can start with just one other person or 100 people. Each person in your community is unique and helps you stand in your light.

I want to guide you towards creating your own community grace. I want you to see that creating community can be as simple as holding out your hands in trust and truth and asking others to walk with you.

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(photo Ruth Clark)

For 30 days we will play::

  • A prompt every other day for 30 days, a day to explore it and a day to talk about it within our private community.
  • New ways to think about using your words, images, social media and other resources to build connection and audience.
  • Intuitive strategies to start to create the community you want to guide and be a part of.
  • Gentle pushes to move through the fear of your voice.
  • A chance to ‘play’ with your words, images and connections through prompts that open you up a bit.
  • Connecting the word joyful to your writing.
  • Find a new way to view virtual connecting. (I adore it!)
  • How to see newsletters, social media, blogging and marketing as amazingly beautiful tools, like love notes.
  • Expand your safe boundaries, push your edges, explore how to assemble your community.
  • Closed Facebook community group where we will hold our discussions and connect with one another

Who is this for::

  • Women who are using their words to gather community and build tribe.
  • Women who are blogging inside of businesses.
  • Women who are writing and want to find a way to expand their connections and create a little community grace in their lives.
  • Women who crave deeper connection and tribe within their work, online or off.
  • Women who are ready to stop viewing social media and marketing as bad.
  • Women who believe that creativity and intuition are vital parts of business and gathering.
  • Women who desire tribe around their blog or business.
  • Women who are open to exploring connection, bravery and vulnerability inside their work.

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Words from women in my community::

“In the clamor and noise of marketing mayhem, Hannah Marcotti writes in a gentle yet fierce voice. In Community Grace, I turned my thinking around. Instead of trying to “promote to my target audience,” I learned that I needed to attract the people I want to hang out with and who want to hang out with me. This was huge medicine for me as an online entrepreneur.

Hannah taught us how to find and envision the grace that is within, to honor it and express it. Even better, we came together as a community that was loving and supportive.”

“This program came into my life at the exact moment I needed it. I was craving direction in my new business and blog, and Hannah gave us such a gift with helping us discover our voices. I found my way to connect to my tribe through my writing, and at the same time, dive deeper into my true self and embracing my vulnerability. I made life long friends with the other women who joined. This program expanded my business and my world. I am so grateful for my experience.”

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“The catalysts for my biggest a-ha moments during the program were pieces of your story and the stories of our Joy sisters – the reflection of self and possibility, connecting us all as one.”

“I’m a writer who believes ARDENTLY in the power of community. I thrive when I’m connected to other writers who can just hold space for my work and share what it’s like to be living the writers life. The community you’ve created, Hannah, is so unique and so special. I think we’re all called to connect with others when we need it most– and I really believe the communities we find are the exact ones we need at that point in our lives.”

“I am missing Hannah’s daily emails, it had become part of my morning ritual. I would read them on my cell phone before getting out of bed every morning.”

“Thank you all so much for your unconditional love, support, laughs and tears. Love being a part of this amazing group.”

“I did not have any expectations going in and I learned this: to allow my creative side to gets its groove back, slow my roll and enJOY more of the *now* and gobble up all the inspiring stories of your daily letters and the fantastically beautiful, strong women in this group.”

When will we start to play::

  • October 13th under the New Moon
  • A prompt one day, a group discussion around it the next. For 30 days. 15 prompts, 15 days to explore and discuss each prompt.
  • This is play, fun, expanding your vision for the power of your blog or business.

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Questions you might have::

Is this a writing course? No, I won’t be critiquing your writing but I will be giving you prompts to explore using your words to gather the strength of community and connection around your writing. I know awesome writing coaches if you need a reference.

Will the prompts help me with blogging? I hope so! We will play and you will explore your words in different ways. My hope is that you’d get some great posts written inspired by writing for connecting and community building.

In 30 days will I have increased my community? If you connect with just one person in these 30 days the answer to this will be yes! And I will be asking you to connect.

Will you be telling stories of how you built your community and made such awesome connections? Why of course, thanks for asking, I love to tell stories! I will be sharing through stories written and some videos during the 30 days.

Is this about making more money with my blog? Nope, not during these 30 days. Eventually, yes. Our focus is not on money but on building connection and community around your blog or business. The money making bit is that next layer on top of the community. But if you don’t have a community to sell to, you aren’t making any money.

Do I need to be active on the Facebook group? Yes. This is where we will explore and discuss together. Not everyone will be as prolific as others on the group but to fully get the experience of the course (which is all about connection and community) you need to show up. If Facebook has never been your thing, let me convince you that this group is magical, but you have to show up and give me the chance to sway you!

What if I’m not playful in the online world? Then go ahead and sign up, I’ll help you with that! We will play and I hope that at the end of these days you will view social media and marketing with new eyes.

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A 30 day course in community, connection and gathering

October 13th, under the New Moon

$79

Early Bird Rate of $69 till September 1st

Add to Cart

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My partner and I recently visited a neighbor who had lost his wife in January. They were together for fifty years.

For fifty years they were love.

For fifty years he worshipped her.

For fifty years a love affair.

For fifty years if their love is anything like mine, there was passion in the form of brilliant sex and fights and highs and lows.

And now he is angry that she is gone. He is angry that the end of her life was all about changing her diapers and lifting her when she fell and then she died and he is left with all the grief and nothing defining him anymore.

He put her love letters into a book with pictures of them over the years. He writes her poems every day.

I sat next to him on his chair on the sand and I cried and touched his arm as he opened the book of love letters to read us some.

He was one of the saddest humans I have held space for. I knew as we spent time with him that I was there to give him a chance to be heard, even though it was really hard for us to hear it all as he was lost in grief and anger at the loss.

I also knew that I was there with my partner, on the sand that day because love is my superpower.

I love hard. Deep. Strong.

When I am grounded my love is a gift. When I am scared, flailing in my life my love can be hard to hold, it can push people away.

I struggle with letting others love me. The receiving of love feels almost impossible some days. I can hear my love say, “I love you,” and within minutes not be able to believe it or feel it. Like it gets flung into space the moment it is given to me and I look up to the sky curious as to what could be up there.

There is a little gap in my love superpower. It can’t be truly whole unless I practice letting others love me, show up for me.

I think some days I am holding up the world and if I stop, if I let my guard down and show vulnerability or I ask for help or I just simply let others control some of it, the world will crack.

And in that crack everything I love and have worked for will fall into that crack in the world and I will be alone with no one to love.

What I am being taught through other’s love for me is that the crack is actually there. The crack is mine. It is in my heart, my soul. It is my damage. My baggage. My old stories and fears.

The only thing I am holding up by trying to love without letting others do for me is an unwillingness to be free inside of love.

Love is my superpower. And there is a crack inside of it.

That crack is my healing place. It is where my anger flows so it may be released into fears that may be released into sadness that may be released into a smile that may be released into joy that may be released into melting into the love from others as I learn to feel it.

I love hard. Deep. Strong.

And I am loved hard. Deep. Strong.

Love is my superpower. And I will receive it. I will feel it.

We left our neighbors house and processed the experience together. We poured a glass of wine and sat outside and talked about the parts of his story that made an impact on us, and the way the love had turned into so many other feelings.

We talked about how our love had made us believe in a forever again. In fifty years, though I want sixty. Our love is changing me forever. Healing me. Our love is messy and raw and sometimes makes me want to run so fast because I am so scared of the anger and grief that comes up for us as we are healing our wounds.

I keep thinking about our neighbors love and sadness. His love affair and how I knew we needed to be there for him on this day.

Because love is how superpower.

Because we love hard. Deep. Strong.

Especially in the cracks.

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Meet the Team

July 15, 2015

I am so delighted to introduce the team of women who will be supporting us at the Laughing Loon Retreat in September.

Kristen

Kristen Davis – Intuitive Light Infuser and Logistics Muse

Kristen is a moment hunter & sacred navigator, writer and creator who believes in the power of connection, compassion and truth telling.  Kristen is an intuitive guide & supporter to women who are living the lives they desire.

She is a lover of details, sarcasm, laughter, reflection and sacred pause.  She can often be found reading a book, sipping really good tequila & hanging out near the water.

 

Jenny

Jenny Dunham – Heart Space Holder

Jenny is attuned to whispers of the heart. She is a grounded and gentle holder of safe space, a firestarter, creative gypsy and bubble of joy.   She lives in the beautiful mountains of Vermont with her soul mate and three children, wears many hats at their family business, co-dreams at #coyoteloon and is full of surprises.
She adores her morning coffee, creative downloads, circling with her women, all the smiles, all the belly laughs and all the love.

 

Bern

Bernadette Vaughan – Dream Weaver

Born & bred in Rhode Island, Bernadette enjoys hard rock, smooth whiskey and reruns of Bewitched. She knits or sews or embroiders a little something everyday and feels most like herself when she’s making stuff.

She is generally an animal lover but very much dislikes horseshoe crabs. She lives with her dashing husband, who makes her laugh and refers to her as “the Bad Roomate” and a young son , who hangs the stars in her sky and still acknowledges her in public (mostly).

 

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Ruth Clark – Digital Visionary

Ruth Clark is a writer and artist residing in Providence, Rhode Island. Her work is inspired by deep connection, deep honesty, and deep love. (She’s a Scorpio, after all.) She’s into: being real and writing constantly, full moons and early mornings, wandering the woods and hanging with her siblings, social justice and connected conversation.

 

MarisaMarisa Donlin – Luscious Soul Illuminator

Marisa is an acupuncturist in Massachusetts, nourishing bodies and spirits through the wisdom of Chinese Medicine.

She is a spark holder and witness to transformation and change.  She believes in self love, truth telling and divine creativity.  She can often be found near the oceans, rivers and lakes, embodying the color orange, laughing till release and and wrangling her two (often pant less) boys. She has a not-so-secret love for all things Eddie Vedder.

 

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Melissa Gaethofs – Vibration Coordinator

Melissa is a florist and collage artist who lives in Rhode Island with her badass husband and two kitties.  She is limitless energy,  bursting at the seams to be more.  She is light and airy, fun and fearless.    She is a creator and a doer… always on the move and always looking to create something extraordinary.

She believes in having fun and in belly laughing until we ache… and crying until we don’t.  And her life begins again every damn day, with every new amazing soul she encounters.

 

JamieLLJamie Luzenski – Goddess of Loving Nourishment

Jamie is a vivacious free spirit on a journey to celebrate the idea that food can be love. She believes that the ocean speaks to her, trees whisper her name and wild things breathe her language.

Jamie is a Southern California native living in the San Diego area with her furchildren: two dogs and two cats. She is most comfortable in flip flops or ugg boots. Jamie is in love with sparkles, amazing food, belly laughs, hugs, and she never met a wine she did not like.

MMulliganMelissa Mulligan – Soul Song Guide

Melissa is a vocal coach & creativity coach who believes in passionately creating the lives we are meant to live.  She is a permission-granter of unbridled dreams and a believer in the healing power of self-expression.  Her company, Melissa Mulligan Vocal Studios (MMVS), develops singers, recording artists, songwriters and musical coaches worldwide.

 

 

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Mindy Scime – Magical Gathering Guru

Mindy is a mindful, badass truth-teller. She lives in Niagara Falls with her husband, two daughters, two cats, and a hedgehog. (All of which have names beginning with M because her family is cheesy like that.) She loves deep breaths, hot tea, and finding beauty inside the hard places.

Mindy believes that every time a woman steps into her truth it changes the world. Through her work as a therapist, yoga teacher, and writer she creates safe, sacred spaces for women to own their truth. When she’s not connecting with her brave tribe of dreamers she can often be found guzzling water, running to Florence and The Machine, and snapping a selfie, all in the name of badass self-care.

 

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For the last 9 months I have been living as a single mom. My kids and I are learning about constant transitions. It feels raw and like I am walking around without skin some days.

When the kids first started living in two homes I never knew where anyone was. I would wake up in the middle of the night panicked. Were they here in the dark or at their dad’s house? Did I have to drive them to school or was my mom getting them?

I couldn’t sleep. I still can’t but I am more relaxed. My nervous system has been in constant firing motion. Keep us safe. Keep moving. Don’t stop.

There is no one to take care of you. There is no one to take care of you. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t sleep. Keep us safe. Keep moving.

The thing that has been the hardest over the past two years of getting closer and closer into separation and divorce is how overwhelmed I have been. And how selfish I have to be.

I am constantly living with the feeling of disappointing people. This used to happen regularly just as one of the hard parts of my work. I hold space for hundreds of women. I run 4-10 programs a year. I connect and support so many and often when those programs are over the women feel abandoned or lost without me.

Writing that feels vulnerable and scary. But this is what I have lived with for the last few years. I have learned boundaries. I know that I can’t possibly hold more space than I already do without going a bit crazy or not having any personal space but it can hurt. People get mad at me. And all I want is to be able to bring my work to as many women as possible.

I have had to be selfish in these last few months. For my kids. For myself. For my future.

The consequence of that is feeling as though I am failing even more people. There are times when I want to put myself into a bubble and float away. Or buy a bus and put my family into it and drive away. I have dreams of opening a bar.

I feel like I am failing my frienships. My kids. My business. The man I have been with for 21 years, the most obvious fail. Because holy shit I fought. I fought so hard for years because I don’t give up.

And then I started to feel like I was failing the man I am madly in love with. Because I have no idea how to hold onto a love like this. I have never ever felt this before and it makes me terrified.

Can we really be this scared of everything we want manifesting and wrapping us inside of love?

That’s when I hit a wall. Overwhelm and this feeling of ‘this just isn’t who I am.’

What has happened inside of this overwhelm is realizing that I didn’t know what I want. I know what others want from me. I know what people expect of me. I know what others want.

But me. I had no idea what I want in so many places. I thought I did. I thought I was crystal clear.

Freedom. Joy. Love. Truth. Trust.

But inside of each of those are decisions that must be made each day.

I go on Craigs list just to see what buses might be for sale. I mean I could live in a bus right?

What do I want?

I don’t want to live in a bus. This is I am sure of.

I want to change my business model. I want to increase my income so that I can support my kids as a single mom. I want to be the best mom. I want to live in a house some day again with a beautiful kitchen waking up to the most beautiful man I know. I want to learn how to receive him taking care of me. I want to host dinner parties with all the kids running around and the people we love gathered to break bread and pour wine and laugh and share stories. I want to garden every day I can get into the dirt. I want to nurture and adore the man I love and his kids and hold him inside of our freedom. I want all the amazing sex. And then more sex. I want to speak my friend’s love languages even more so they feel my love. I want joint custody with my kids in a way that lets them know how much they are loved and have far less transitions. I want big family dinners with blessings and all the yummy food and laughter. I want to run again (meaning fix bladder). I want to hold more in person retreats. I want to create a gorgeous store through coyoteloon.com so that everyone knows how fucking special they are. I want to stop feeling like I am failing everyone so I can continue to love people the way I know how. I want to show up as love because that is who I believe I am.

And I am really dreaming about that bar.

Love. #ourfreedomplan

I get scared. That everything I want will not be possible or I will be told no. I will be told I do not deserve it or that I am asking for too much.

But I know differently. I know I can manifest the hell out of this life. I have vibrated the most amazing people into my life. I am living inside of the freedom plan which feels like the second half of my life.

I can see the future in tiny doses and I can’t believe this is my life. How can this be my life? It feels too amazing on the other side of all the work that must be done for #ourfreedomplan

I am ready to feel safe.
To be love.
I want my nervous system to relax so my body can feel free.
Can feel love.

I want to be the vibration of love. And then more love. And giggles. And joy. And freedom.

I want to trust that I am loved. Deeply. And that I am not alone even inside of space and overwhelm.

[And I want to bake pie.]   All the pies.

xo

And loves, what do you want? What do you really want?


 

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We have 9 spaces left at our magical retreat where loons swim and candles are generously lit. And the food…well, the food will be amazing.

The Laughing Loon retreat in September in Maine.

Join us.

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There is a magic lake.
It holds an island.
In this lake are magic fish. Pink. Green. Kissing ankles.

One day the littlest spirit guide came to the lake.
Her name is Hannah and she is 8.
She is highly sensitive and soulful. She sits by herself near the woodstove and reads a book or draws a picture.
She wants to set a celebration table with her spirit-aunt and build a fire with her spirit-uncle equally as much and usually the fire wins.

There is a magic lake.
He said, “this is our place.”

There is a magic lake.
She said, “Hannah (me), do you know why the lake house is magic?”

I stood on the deck of the place that feels more like home than any place ever in the world, that holds my favorite people in the whole world.

I spread the table cloth over the other table cloth with her.
“Why baby? Why is it magic?”

There is a magic lake.
He told me that he wants me to be there with the people I love the most.
He taught me how to drive a boat.
He tells me I deserve the life that is unfolding and I struggle to believe him and I want to push so hard. So hard.

“It is magic because of the fish… and the people.”

And she asks if I will sit next to her at the celebration dinner.

There is a magic lake.
One day it will hold a family becoming.
And I tell him what the littlest spirit guide said about the magic.
It is the people.

The people.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.

He gave us the gift of the time on the lake of his love of his generosity of his gratitude of his sacrifice of his dream of this lake.

We promise him magic.
I promise him space to iterate into his becoming.
We promise him our hearts as we grow into an extended family of magic.
We have all known each other years in minutes.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.
And a man who makes the world more beautiful every time he smiles. And his laugh lifts everyone he touches up to joy.
And the littlest spirit guide who changes us through her knowing and her sensitivity and her sadness at saying good-bye.

And I sat on the stairs of the magic lake with my coffee the morning after I told him I loved him. And I prayed. Deeper than I have ever prayed before.
And she danced on the wall of the magic lake while we swam on the magic rock in the magic lake. And she stared at that fire deeper than she has ever stared before.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.
And a man and woman and fish and little spirit guides.
And all the people who love the man and the woman and the fish and the little spirit guides.

Inside of the space she promises him so they may grow into their love she knows that she has found home.

In the people.
The people.
Who make the magic.
Who are the love.
Who promise her she can do this.
Who promise her she deserves this.

And when I walked back from the magic lake with the empty coffee cup, after the prayers that changed my next steps, I layed next to him. And he buried his head in my hair and whispered, “I love you.”

There is a magic lake.
And everything is new.
And scary. And turned-on. And changing.

The littlest spirit guide plans her return to dance on the wall and make the fire and set the table.
We wait for her magic. Her awe. Her knowing that the magic is the people.

There is a magic lake.
There is a magic lake house on the magic lake.
And a story only just beginning to be written.

 

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  • 10 days of Making Space for the most sensual you, through connecting with home, body and spirit
  • August 5th – August 14th
  • Soulwork, challenges, prompts that allow you to feel space and sensuality and carve out crazy amounts of beauty
  • All leading up to the New Moon on August 14th where we celebrate the spaces we’ve created
  • All new daily recipes

making space jewels and lucasI keep saying, “All I want to do is bake pie.” I love being a homemaker, a beautymaker, a spacemaker, a lovemaker. Creating meals and gatherings and a home that is all about the details brings me to life. Corners that shift from cluttered piles to open space with plants and candles or a meditation pillow can change the flow of our days. I believe in the details to make others feel special. I love to feed beautiful healthy food to those I love. I crave teaching the young ones about setting a gorgeous table and sharing a blessing before eating. I make the bed every morning as my current self taking care of my future self.

The details.

When I am connected to my home, to my body, to my sensuality I feel my spirit flying free. I can show up for others in my life fully when I am nurturing in these special ways. Making space is my mantra. Creating spaces that make others feel calm and held fills me.

Here is your invitation for the sacred and the sensual. To come dance inside the details. To create space and beauty and ritual and gorgeous living.

Join us $44.00

Add to Cart

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How do we get from where we are to where we want to be? We make space for joy in our now and watch the magic unfold.

It seems to happen without noticing. My drawers start to become tight, stuffed. Shoes spill all over my closet and none of my socks have a match. I start having more ‘stay in jammies’ days and less time feeling myself in the world. I gain weight. I have trouble seeing myself. Clutter finds me in piles of papers and kid stuff everywhere.

Home and body are temple. Our temple is sacred and calls forth our sensual self to nourish.

I remind myself that my life and my process are never linear. I will always be challenged by space and stuff and and a body that shifts under stress or joys. And when I start to feel so disconnected to my home I feel it in every part of myself. I see it in the corners, the piles, the tight fitting jeans and the groceries that don’t seem to prepare themselves.

So I take myself back into the process of making space. It is slow. It is guided. And it is sensual.

Two years ago I tattooed the word home on my foot. I was claiming home inside of myself. I can feel and see when my physical homes, my temples (my house, my body, my spirit) need more from me, when they are calling out for time and nurture and space. This is when I need to be led by my sensual self through time as beauty increases around me.

making space coffeefruit

This is only the beginning of inviting the magic in and dancing inside of rituals that feed our spirits and trusting that we are not only enough, but if enough could spill into overflowing, that is what we are.

Our homes, bodies and spirits are all a part of the journey. Focusing on those, we can then step into the loving task of finding our flow through our sensual nurture. Making space is seeking out ritual and beauty, knowing that you will fall out of alignment as part of life’s dance and developing the skills to ease back when you do. A sensual woman has a sensual flow with space and the sacredness it holds.

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Inviting the sensual woman out to play…

  • One letter each day with a making space prompt :: visioning, photography, clearing and creating beautiful space
  • Small, simple gestures that you can take on at your own pace
  • Look at why you hold onto things or have trouble letting go of stuff, thoughts, habits
  • 10 days of learning how to listen to yourself, through reflection and day dreaming meditations
  • 10 days of setting aside soft space each day for dreaming, watching and simply being in your space
  • 10 days to tease out your sensual woman by taking on simple rituals, space clearing and time that is about you and that temple of yours
  • A online FB group of women going through the 10 days with you

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Space for sensual eating, playing, living and feeling…

  • Never once will you be worried about breaking a rule
  • Daily recipes, straight from my kitchen, very few ingredients, gluten-free and paleo or raw and just yummy
  • 10 days of starting each day with softness and ease for your body
  • 10 days of learning that you are enough as you unearth your sensual woman
  • 10 days of watching your body release the habits that are making you exhausted, frustrated and full of anxiety
  • One letter a day for 10 days with a prompt to make more space and fill your cells with love and healing

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Be improbable, beautiful…

  • Anyone who is ready to celebrate their homes, bodies and spirits through a clearing and creation of sacred space
  • Women who are feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in their home and body and wanting to make more space and create living spaces that are inviting, cozy and beautiful
  • Holistic business owners looking to connect to a deeper understanding of themselves, developing a deeper rhythm of self care and create space for their beautiful work
  • Mamas needing a support system and guidance in creating more rituals in the home and looking to connect to their beautiful sensual side that may feel lost inside of young children
  • Women who are ready to make more space and allow their spirits to feel empowered sensuality

Before you sign up, please know…

  • This is not a food cleanse but each day I share recipes that open up space and joy in my body
  • This is about creating space in your life, opening up, expanding and connecting to your sensual woman
  • This is about creating beautiful sensual spaces in your home and a feeling of space and freedom in your body and spirit
  • This is about you, your process and timing

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Ready to make some space like these amazing women?

“You can’t ask for a more uplifting, motivating and spiritual cleanse! It was better and more inspiring than I ever imagined. You’ll wake looking forward to a motivational email. It is all done in baby steps and achievable changes.”

***

“I would recommend this enlightening, soul enriching experience, to all who believe there is more to this life that so easily becomes a rut. slightly resistant, I allowed and trusted in Hannah, one of life’s angels (whom I had never met) and on this journey I evolved in so many positive ways.”

***

“A favourite quote of mine is from The Buddha – Do not believe just because wise men say so. Do not believe just because it has always been that way. Do not believe just because others may believe so. Examine and experience yourself.

I experienced for myself the changes which occurred within me and my thoughts to myself and my home after the Making Space Cleanse and Hannah’s soft and beautiful wisdom. You will learn how making your bed with linen you love can become a sacred ritual. How de-cluttering your home and releasing those old toys and books can release you from old emotional patterns and ways of being. I learned that by de-cluttering my daughters old toys I had created a space that allowed me to prepare with ease and grace her moving away from home to University.

Yes, the simple act of releasing clutter from our homes can be that powerful. Through this connection, you will find new connections to your home and yourself. Do not believe, just because wise women say so, examine and experience yourself – welcome to the journey.

Love and Blessings to you”

***

“I loved Hannah’s Making Space Cleanse. In this beautifully-crafted program, Hannah nudges you to make simple, gentle changes that give you room to breathe and feel more present in your daily life. This space-clearing doesn’t feel like a chore and won’t overwhelm you with more for your to-do lists. By adding simple, nurturing rituals to your routine, Hannah helps you to see the clutter that’s occupying your physical space, dragging your energy down, and preventing you from inviting beauty and joy into your life.

I cleared a lot of clutter during the cleanse, and somehow this felt light and easy to accomplish. The more I moved away, the more energy I felt. I also discovered that I’d been storing some personal baggage in a place that felt stuck for me… a wedding album from an unhappy marriage stashed away in my office. I created a sacred space and stored the album there… I’m honoring the journey I’ve been on, with all its twists and turns, but now I’ve created the space to move on and allow new and wonderful opportunities into my career and personal life. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next.”

making space wine and tea

Join us $44.00

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2015 The Making Space Cleanse ©

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The other night I slept for 5 hours straight. I don’t do this. I move. I toss and turn. I wonder where I am, where the kids are, where my love is, what time it is, if I can wait to pee for one more hour…

I woke up at 5am and stepped right into a communication nightmare. Mis-firing and angry words and confusion.

I made a cup of coffee and walked down to the lake bordering the house where I had slept, for those 5 hours.

I put my feet deep in the water and the magic fish swam up to me waiting to see if I had brought bread crumbs.

The New Moon was void in the sky and I prayed. I told the lake I was exhausted. That I didn’t think I was strong enough to get divorced. To fight if I needed to fight because all I crave is love.

The lists. The phone calls. The kids needs. I don’t even know what I want anymore, and this used to be my super power. I always knew. But I rarely asked for it or believed I deserved it. But fuck, I always knew.

Now I am tangled in what everyone else wants or needs. I can’t feel myself.

So I sat on her edge and prayed in my exhaustion, after sleeping 5 hours, in stillness.

A heron. A mama duck and five babies. A dragonfly. Spiders. Magic fish. Moths.

Moths were all over the twinkle lights I hung on the deck all night.

Animal medicine swirling.

The truth is I am scared. I have never felt so scared in all my life. That I am not strong enough to endure this process. A soul contract ends and the legality of separating on pieces of paper and custody and lawyers and all of it makes me feel like drowning when all I want is to rise.

I slept 5 hours. Then I prayed. Then I slept for another 2 hours. When I woke up I was scared that I didn’t do what I needed. That my tasks weren’t done. That there was so much unfinished. I knew I would be writing this love note to you all at midnight after transitioning the kids back to the Loft, dinner, pie, homework, work, showers that never happened, laundry that never happened.

Because all I want to do is sleep. Because I am afraid that I truly do know what I want and I can’t have it. I am afraid to say it aloud. I am afraid that I am not supposed to want what I want right now, more than anything in the world.

I am afraid that I am letting people down. I called the one that is holding so much for me right now, that I fear I am letting down every day. She said I could remain inside of love. That I am love and that is the only way I would move through this. She keeps reminding me of my strength. I prayed for the day I feel stronger. When it feels easier.

Why is it so hard when it should be easy?

“Why my love?”

Because everything is changing. And it is the most magical experience I have ever felt wrapped inside of the hardest things I will ever face.

So let’s sleep. And pray. And dream of the future because it is the future that is holding us in her arms and slowly pulling us towards her.

She keeps asking us what we want. She will not let us back down.

I discovered today that I like peanutbutter but I always eat almond butter because it is healthier. So I slathered an apple with peanutbutter and every bite was delicious and crispy and the butter was running down my fingers and it felt like joy.

My super power is love.

I must learn to mix in patience and ease and space. And stand still. Once again. I circle back to standing still so all that must happen before what I most want can manifest.

Let’s sleep. For 5 hours or more. Let’s nap. Let’s find peace.

And then let’s fight. Let’s create the life we dream of.

Will you tell me what you want? What you like? What you most need?

Then will you tangle up in my arms and sleep?

I slept for 5 hours and then I prayed.

I remembered that I was love. Overwhelmed love at the moment, but love is my super power.

Maybe now I can find sleep.

xo

 


 

And if he is love. If he can hold you, we made this shirt for him.

Because even when it is so tough and overwhelming and so damn hard, he is there.

Holding. Loving. Remembering. Adoring. Leading.

#loveismysuperpower tee available at CoyoteLoon.com 

 

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