Meet the Team

July 15, 2015

I am so delighted to introduce the team of women who will be supporting us at the Laughing Loon Retreat in September.

Kristen

Kristen Davis – Intuitive Light Infuser and Logistics Muse

Kristen is a moment hunter & sacred navigator, writer and creator who believes in the power of connection, compassion and truth telling.  Kristen is an intuitive guide & supporter to women who are living the lives they desire.

She is a lover of details, sarcasm, laughter, reflection and sacred pause.  She can often be found reading a book, sipping really good tequila & hanging out near the water.

 

Jenny

Jenny Dunham – Heart Space Holder

Jenny is attuned to whispers of the heart. She is a grounded and gentle holder of safe space, a firestarter, creative gypsy and bubble of joy.   She lives in the beautiful mountains of Vermont with her soul mate and three children, wears many hats at their family business, co-dreams at #coyoteloon and is full of surprises.
She adores her morning coffee, creative downloads, circling with her women, all the smiles, all the belly laughs and all the love.

 

Bern

Bernadette Vaughan – Dream Weaver

Born & bred in Rhode Island, Bernadette enjoys hard rock, smooth whiskey and reruns of Bewitched. She knits or sews or embroiders a little something everyday and feels most like herself when she’s making stuff.

She is generally an animal lover but very much dislikes horseshoe crabs. She lives with her dashing husband, who makes her laugh and refers to her as “the Bad Roomate” and a young son , who hangs the stars in her sky and still acknowledges her in public (mostly).

 

RuthClark

Ruth Clark – Digital Visionary

Ruth Clark is a writer and artist residing in Providence, Rhode Island. Her work is inspired by deep connection, deep honesty, and deep love. (She’s a Scorpio, after all.) She’s into: being real and writing constantly, full moons and early mornings, wandering the woods and hanging with her siblings, social justice and connected conversation.

 

MarisaMarisa Donlin – Luscious Soul Illuminator

Marisa is an acupuncturist in Massachusetts, nourishing bodies and spirits through the wisdom of Chinese Medicine.

She is a spark holder and witness to transformation and change.  She believes in self love, truth telling and divine creativity.  She can often be found near the oceans, rivers and lakes, embodying the color orange, laughing till release and and wrangling her two (often pant less) boys. She has a not-so-secret love for all things Eddie Vedder.

 

MelissaG

Melissa Gaethofs – Vibration Coordinator

Melissa is a florist and collage artist who lives in Rhode Island with her badass husband and two kitties.  She is limitless energy,  bursting at the seams to be more.  She is light and airy, fun and fearless.    She is a creator and a doer… always on the move and always looking to create something extraordinary.

She believes in having fun and in belly laughing until we ache… and crying until we don’t.  And her life begins again every damn day, with every new amazing soul she encounters.

 

MMulliganMelissa Mulligan – Soul Song Guide

Melissa is a vocal coach & creativity coach who believes in passionately creating the lives we are meant to live.  She is a permission-granter of unbridled dreams and a believer in the healing power of self-expression.  Her company, Melissa Mulligan Vocal Studios (MMVS), develops singers, recording artists, songwriters and musical coaches worldwide.

 

 

 

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Mindy Scime – Magical Gathering Guru

Mindy is a mindful, badass truth-teller. She lives in Niagara Falls with her husband, two daughters, two cats, and a hedgehog. (All of which have names beginning with M because her family is cheesy like that.) She loves deep breaths, hot tea, and finding beauty inside the hard places.

Mindy believes that every time a woman steps into her truth it changes the world. Through her work as a therapist, yoga teacher, and writer she creates safe, sacred spaces for women to own their truth. When she’s not connecting with her brave tribe of dreamers she can often be found guzzling water, running to Florence and The Machine, and snapping a selfie, all in the name of badass self-care.

 

 

 

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For the last 9 months I have been living as a single mom. My kids and I are learning about constant transitions. It feels raw and like I am walking around without skin some days.

When the kids first started living in two homes I never knew where anyone was. I would wake up in the middle of the night panicked. Were they here in the dark or at their dad’s house? Did I have to drive them to school or was my mom getting them?

I couldn’t sleep. I still can’t but I am more relaxed. My nervous system has been in constant firing motion. Keep us safe. Keep moving. Don’t stop.

There is no one to take care of you. There is no one to take care of you. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t sleep. Keep us safe. Keep moving.

The thing that has been the hardest over the past two years of getting closer and closer into separation and divorce is how overwhelmed I have been. And how selfish I have to be.

I am constantly living with the feeling of disappointing people. This used to happen regularly just as one of the hard parts of my work. I hold space for hundreds of women. I run 4-10 programs a year. I connect and support so many and often when those programs are over the women feel abandoned or lost without me.

Writing that feels vulnerable and scary. But this is what I have lived with for the last few years. I have learned boundaries. I know that I can’t possibly hold more space than I already do without going a bit crazy or not having any personal space but it can hurt. People get mad at me. And all I want is to be able to bring my work to as many women as possible.

I have had to be selfish in these last few months. For my kids. For myself. For my future.

The consequence of that is feeling as though I am failing even more people. There are times when I want to put myself into a bubble and float away. Or buy a bus and put my family into it and drive away. I have dreams of opening a bar.

I feel like I am failing my frienships. My kids. My business. The man I have been with for 21 years, the most obvious fail. Because holy shit I fought. I fought so hard for years because I don’t give up.

And then I started to feel like I was failing the man I am madly in love with. Because I have no idea how to hold onto a love like this. I have never ever felt this before and it makes me terrified.

Can we really be this scared of everything we want manifesting and wrapping us inside of love?

That’s when I hit a wall. Overwhelm and this feeling of ‘this just isn’t who I am.’

What has happened inside of this overwhelm is realizing that I didn’t know what I want. I know what others want from me. I know what people expect of me. I know what others want.

But me. I had no idea what I want in so many places. I thought I did. I thought I was crystal clear.

Freedom. Joy. Love. Truth. Trust.

But inside of each of those are decisions that must be made each day.

I go on Craigs list just to see what buses might be for sale. I mean I could live in a bus right?

What do I want?

I don’t want to live in a bus. This is I am sure of.

I want to change my business model. I want to increase my income so that I can support my kids as a single mom. I want to be the best mom. I want to live in a house some day again with a beautiful kitchen waking up to the most beautiful man I know. I want to learn how to receive him taking care of me. I want to host dinner parties with all the kids running around and the people we love gathered to break bread and pour wine and laugh and share stories. I want to garden every day I can get into the dirt. I want to nurture and adore the man I love and his kids and hold him inside of our freedom. I want all the amazing sex. And then more sex. I want to speak my friend’s love languages even more so they feel my love. I want joint custody with my kids in a way that lets them know how much they are loved and have far less transitions. I want big family dinners with blessings and all the yummy food and laughter. I want to run again (meaning fix bladder). I want to hold more in person retreats. I want to create a gorgeous store through coyoteloon.com so that everyone knows how fucking special they are. I want to stop feeling like I am failing everyone so I can continue to love people the way I know how. I want to show up as love because that is who I believe I am.

And I am really dreaming about that bar.

Love. #ourfreedomplan

I get scared. That everything I want will not be possible or I will be told no. I will be told I do not deserve it or that I am asking for too much.

But I know differently. I know I can manifest the hell out of this life. I have vibrated the most amazing people into my life. I am living inside of the freedom plan which feels like the second half of my life.

I can see the future in tiny doses and I can’t believe this is my life. How can this be my life? It feels too amazing on the other side of all the work that must be done for #ourfreedomplan

I am ready to feel safe.
To be love.
I want my nervous system to relax so my body can feel free.
Can feel love.

I want to be the vibration of love. And then more love. And giggles. And joy. And freedom.

I want to trust that I am loved. Deeply. And that I am not alone even inside of space and overwhelm.

[And I want to bake pie.]   All the pies.

xo

And loves, what do you want? What do you really want?


 

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We have 9 spaces left at our magical retreat where loons swim and candles are generously lit. And the food…well, the food will be amazing.

The Laughing Loon retreat in September in Maine.

Join us.

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There is a magic lake.
It holds an island.
In this lake are magic fish. Pink. Green. Kissing ankles.

One day the littlest spirit guide came to the lake.
Her name is Hannah and she is 8.
She is highly sensitive and soulful. She sits by herself near the woodstove and reads a book or draws a picture.
She wants to set a celebration table with her spirit-aunt and build a fire with her spirit-uncle equally as much and usually the fire wins.

There is a magic lake.
He said, “this is our place.”

There is a magic lake.
She said, “Hannah (me), do you know why the lake house is magic?”

I stood on the deck of the place that feels more like home than any place ever in the world, that holds my favorite people in the whole world.

I spread the table cloth over the other table cloth with her.
“Why baby? Why is it magic?”

There is a magic lake.
He told me that he wants me to be there with the people I love the most.
He taught me how to drive a boat.
He tells me I deserve the life that is unfolding and I struggle to believe him and I want to push so hard. So hard.

“It is magic because of the fish… and the people.”

And she asks if I will sit next to her at the celebration dinner.

There is a magic lake.
One day it will hold a family becoming.
And I tell him what the littlest spirit guide said about the magic.
It is the people.

The people.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.

He gave us the gift of the time on the lake of his love of his generosity of his gratitude of his sacrifice of his dream of this lake.

We promise him magic.
I promise him space to iterate into his becoming.
We promise him our hearts as we grow into an extended family of magic.
We have all known each other years in minutes.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.
And a man who makes the world more beautiful every time he smiles. And his laugh lifts everyone he touches up to joy.
And the littlest spirit guide who changes us through her knowing and her sensitivity and her sadness at saying good-bye.

And I sat on the stairs of the magic lake with my coffee the morning after I told him I loved him. And I prayed. Deeper than I have ever prayed before.
And she danced on the wall of the magic lake while we swam on the magic rock in the magic lake. And she stared at that fire deeper than she has ever stared before.

There is a magic lake.
And a magic lake house on the lake.
And a man and woman and fish and little spirit guides.
And all the people who love the man and the woman and the fish and the little spirit guides.

Inside of the space she promises him so they may grow into their love she knows that she has found home.

In the people.
The people.
Who make the magic.
Who are the love.
Who promise her she can do this.
Who promise her she deserves this.

And when I walked back from the magic lake with the empty coffee cup, after the prayers that changed my next steps, I layed next to him. And he buried his head in my hair and whispered, “I love you.”

There is a magic lake.
And everything is new.
And scary. And turned-on. And changing.

The littlest spirit guide plans her return to dance on the wall and make the fire and set the table.
We wait for her magic. Her awe. Her knowing that the magic is the people.

There is a magic lake.
There is a magic lake house on the magic lake.
And a story only just beginning to be written.

 

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  • 10 days of Making Space for the most sensual you, through connecting with home, body and spirit
  • August 5th – August 14th
  • Soulwork, challenges, prompts that allow you to feel space and sensuality and carve out crazy amounts of beauty
  • All leading up to the New Moon on August 14th where we celebrate the spaces we’ve created
  • All new daily recipes

making space jewels and lucasI keep saying, “All I want to do is bake pie.” I love being a homemaker, a beautymaker, a spacemaker, a lovemaker. Creating meals and gatherings and a home that is all about the details brings me to life. Corners that shift from cluttered piles to open space with plants and candles or a meditation pillow can change the flow of our days. I believe in the details to make others feel special. I love to feed beautiful healthy food to those I love. I crave teaching the young ones about setting a gorgeous table and sharing a blessing before eating. I make the bed every morning as my current self taking care of my future self.

The details.

When I am connected to my home, to my body, to my sensuality I feel my spirit flying free. I can show up for others in my life fully when I am nurturing in these special ways. Making space is my mantra. Creating spaces that make others feel calm and held fills me.

Here is your invitation for the sacred and the sensual. To come dance inside the details. To create space and beauty and ritual and gorgeous living.

Join us $44.00

Add to Cart

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How do we get from where we are to where we want to be? We make space for joy in our now and watch the magic unfold.

It seems to happen without noticing. My drawers start to become tight, stuffed. Shoes spill all over my closet and none of my socks have a match. I start having more ‘stay in jammies’ days and less time feeling myself in the world. I gain weight. I have trouble seeing myself. Clutter finds me in piles of papers and kid stuff everywhere.

Home and body are temple. Our temple is sacred and calls forth our sensual self to nourish.

I remind myself that my life and my process are never linear. I will always be challenged by space and stuff and and a body that shifts under stress or joys. And when I start to feel so disconnected to my home I feel it in every part of myself. I see it in the corners, the piles, the tight fitting jeans and the groceries that don’t seem to prepare themselves.

So I take myself back into the process of making space. It is slow. It is guided. And it is sensual.

Two years ago I tattooed the word home on my foot. I was claiming home inside of myself. I can feel and see when my physical homes, my temples (my house, my body, my spirit) need more from me, when they are calling out for time and nurture and space. This is when I need to be led by my sensual self through time as beauty increases around me.

making space coffeefruit

This is only the beginning of inviting the magic in and dancing inside of rituals that feed our spirits and trusting that we are not only enough, but if enough could spill into overflowing, that is what we are.

Our homes, bodies and spirits are all a part of the journey. Focusing on those, we can then step into the loving task of finding our flow through our sensual nurture. Making space is seeking out ritual and beauty, knowing that you will fall out of alignment as part of life’s dance and developing the skills to ease back when you do. A sensual woman has a sensual flow with space and the sacredness it holds.

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Inviting the sensual woman out to play…

  • One letter each day with a making space prompt :: visioning, photography, clearing and creating beautiful space
  • Small, simple gestures that you can take on at your own pace
  • Look at why you hold onto things or have trouble letting go of stuff, thoughts, habits
  • 10 days of learning how to listen to yourself, through reflection and day dreaming meditations
  • 10 days of setting aside soft space each day for dreaming, watching and simply being in your space
  • 10 days to tease out your sensual woman by taking on simple rituals, space clearing and time that is about you and that temple of yours
  • A online FB group of women going through the 10 days with you

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Space for sensual eating, playing, living and feeling…

  • Never once will you be worried about breaking a rule
  • Daily recipes, straight from my kitchen, very few ingredients, gluten-free and paleo or raw and just yummy
  • 10 days of starting each day with softness and ease for your body
  • 10 days of learning that you are enough as you unearth your sensual woman
  • 10 days of watching your body release the habits that are making you exhausted, frustrated and full of anxiety
  • One letter a day for 10 days with a prompt to make more space and fill your cells with love and healing

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Be improbable, beautiful…

  • Anyone who is ready to celebrate their homes, bodies and spirits through a clearing and creation of sacred space
  • Women who are feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in their home and body and wanting to make more space and create living spaces that are inviting, cozy and beautiful
  • Holistic business owners looking to connect to a deeper understanding of themselves, developing a deeper rhythm of self care and create space for their beautiful work
  • Mamas needing a support system and guidance in creating more rituals in the home and looking to connect to their beautiful sensual side that may feel lost inside of young children
  • Women who are ready to make more space and allow their spirits to feel empowered sensuality

Before you sign up, please know…

  • This is not a food cleanse but each day I share recipes that open up space and joy in my body
  • This is about creating space in your life, opening up, expanding and connecting to your sensual woman
  • This is about creating beautiful sensual spaces in your home and a feeling of space and freedom in your body and spirit
  • This is about you, your process and timing

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Ready to make some space like these amazing women?

“You can’t ask for a more uplifting, motivating and spiritual cleanse! It was better and more inspiring than I ever imagined. You’ll wake looking forward to a motivational email. It is all done in baby steps and achievable changes.”

***

“I would recommend this enlightening, soul enriching experience, to all who believe there is more to this life that so easily becomes a rut. slightly resistant, I allowed and trusted in Hannah, one of life’s angels (whom I had never met) and on this journey I evolved in so many positive ways.”

***

“A favourite quote of mine is from The Buddha – Do not believe just because wise men say so. Do not believe just because it has always been that way. Do not believe just because others may believe so. Examine and experience yourself.

I experienced for myself the changes which occurred within me and my thoughts to myself and my home after the Making Space Cleanse and Hannah’s soft and beautiful wisdom. You will learn how making your bed with linen you love can become a sacred ritual. How de-cluttering your home and releasing those old toys and books can release you from old emotional patterns and ways of being. I learned that by de-cluttering my daughters old toys I had created a space that allowed me to prepare with ease and grace her moving away from home to University.

Yes, the simple act of releasing clutter from our homes can be that powerful. Through this connection, you will find new connections to your home and yourself. Do not believe, just because wise women say so, examine and experience yourself – welcome to the journey.

Love and Blessings to you”

***

“I loved Hannah’s Making Space Cleanse. In this beautifully-crafted program, Hannah nudges you to make simple, gentle changes that give you room to breathe and feel more present in your daily life. This space-clearing doesn’t feel like a chore and won’t overwhelm you with more for your to-do lists. By adding simple, nurturing rituals to your routine, Hannah helps you to see the clutter that’s occupying your physical space, dragging your energy down, and preventing you from inviting beauty and joy into your life.

I cleared a lot of clutter during the cleanse, and somehow this felt light and easy to accomplish. The more I moved away, the more energy I felt. I also discovered that I’d been storing some personal baggage in a place that felt stuck for me… a wedding album from an unhappy marriage stashed away in my office. I created a sacred space and stored the album there… I’m honoring the journey I’ve been on, with all its twists and turns, but now I’ve created the space to move on and allow new and wonderful opportunities into my career and personal life. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next.”

making space wine and tea

Join us $44.00

Add to Cart
2015 The Making Space Cleanse ©

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The other night I slept for 5 hours straight. I don’t do this. I move. I toss and turn. I wonder where I am, where the kids are, where my love is, what time it is, if I can wait to pee for one more hour…

I woke up at 5am and stepped right into a communication nightmare. Mis-firing and angry words and confusion.

I made a cup of coffee and walked down to the lake bordering the house where I had slept, for those 5 hours.

I put my feet deep in the water and the magic fish swam up to me waiting to see if I had brought bread crumbs.

The New Moon was void in the sky and I prayed. I told the lake I was exhausted. That I didn’t think I was strong enough to get divorced. To fight if I needed to fight because all I crave is love.

The lists. The phone calls. The kids needs. I don’t even know what I want anymore, and this used to be my super power. I always knew. But I rarely asked for it or believed I deserved it. But fuck, I always knew.

Now I am tangled in what everyone else wants or needs. I can’t feel myself.

So I sat on her edge and prayed in my exhaustion, after sleeping 5 hours, in stillness.

A heron. A mama duck and five babies. A dragonfly. Spiders. Magic fish. Moths.

Moths were all over the twinkle lights I hung on the deck all night.

Animal medicine swirling.

The truth is I am scared. I have never felt so scared in all my life. That I am not strong enough to endure this process. A soul contract ends and the legality of separating on pieces of paper and custody and lawyers and all of it makes me feel like drowning when all I want is to rise.

I slept 5 hours. Then I prayed. Then I slept for another 2 hours. When I woke up I was scared that I didn’t do what I needed. That my tasks weren’t done. That there was so much unfinished. I knew I would be writing this love note to you all at midnight after transitioning the kids back to the Loft, dinner, pie, homework, work, showers that never happened, laundry that never happened.

Because all I want to do is sleep. Because I am afraid that I truly do know what I want and I can’t have it. I am afraid to say it aloud. I am afraid that I am not supposed to want what I want right now, more than anything in the world.

I am afraid that I am letting people down. I called the one that is holding so much for me right now, that I fear I am letting down every day. She said I could remain inside of love. That I am love and that is the only way I would move through this. She keeps reminding me of my strength. I prayed for the day I feel stronger. When it feels easier.

Why is it so hard when it should be easy?

“Why my love?”

Because everything is changing. And it is the most magical experience I have ever felt wrapped inside of the hardest things I will ever face.

So let’s sleep. And pray. And dream of the future because it is the future that is holding us in her arms and slowly pulling us towards her.

She keeps asking us what we want. She will not let us back down.

I discovered today that I like peanutbutter but I always eat almond butter because it is healthier. So I slathered an apple with peanutbutter and every bite was delicious and crispy and the butter was running down my fingers and it felt like joy.

My super power is love.

I must learn to mix in patience and ease and space. And stand still. Once again. I circle back to standing still so all that must happen before what I most want can manifest.

Let’s sleep. For 5 hours or more. Let’s nap. Let’s find peace.

And then let’s fight. Let’s create the life we dream of.

Will you tell me what you want? What you like? What you most need?

Then will you tangle up in my arms and sleep?

I slept for 5 hours and then I prayed.

I remembered that I was love. Overwhelmed love at the moment, but love is my super power.

Maybe now I can find sleep.

xo

 


 

And if he is love. If he can hold you, we made this shirt for him.

Because even when it is so tough and overwhelming and so damn hard, he is there.

Holding. Loving. Remembering. Adoring. Leading.

#loveismysuperpower tee available at CoyoteLoon.com 

 

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On feeling special

June 18, 2015

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I lay on the table, covered from the naked waist down by a white sheet, showing its fold lines in rectangles making a pattern of order, of sameness.

Feet in stirrups, socks and leg warmers holding warmth as I close my eyes and feel the tears well up. The moment before the catheter goes in is the worst. My fear of it is what brings me to my knees in anticipated pain.

The pain is never as bad as my fear, but the fear is now increased as I have given up my almost daily Motrin habit to numb pain. My body knows the pain that will radiate for days after the procedure. My body knows that moment it first hits my raw skin and moves into the one place where all my fears reside I will coil into myself somewhere and try to pretend it is all ok.

But it isn’t all ok. I am angry. I am so angry that my body has been holding bladder pain and flare ups since I was 24. I am angry that I don’t know what a normal bladder feels like. I am angry that I am scared to hike or run more than a mile or make love to a man because when I pull my underwear off there is always a panty liner reminding me of my brokeness.

I am angry that the treatment helps one thing but causes so much pain and fear. I am angry that I get so bloated from the medicine and the flare ups. I am angry that I am alone every time I go into the office. I am angry that I feel so alone despite wanting to prove that I can do everything on my own.

I am so angry. And I don’t do anger. I don’t understand it. I am scared of it. But I am angry.

As I lay there I try to call in the higher self of someone I love but I can’t get close. Can’t feel the energy, can’t find him. I am disconnected and just want to be scooped up into arms that can hold me and promise me that I am not alone.

And I am angry. I am angry because all I have ever truly wanted is to feel special. I am angry because I have no patience for healing or loving or growing or making. I am angry because I keep getting so scared I want to run from the one thing that I desire more than anything.

The women circle and they say, “Baby, here you are again. Stand still. Stand still. Be still. Stop controlling everything. Be still. Find you.”

Find you.

I am on the table and they say they need a bigger catheter because the medicine is getting stuck. I calmly say, “No. Please just make this work. Please.”

And he does. He makes it work. His job is to take care of me. My job is to ask for what I need. Calmly.

Exhaustion overwhelms me after the pain and fear of the catheter. After holding on so tightly to something I need to let be free. I don’t know how to ask for what I need if I don’t know what I need.

She said, “I wish you could see how special you are. I wish you could feel how fucking special you are.”

So now my job is to feel it. After the fear. After the pain. After the separation. After the work of being in love. After the trust. After calling him in. After the ovulation. After the wanting to run.

I feel him gently pull the catheter out and my eyes swell again. He presses the sheet down between my legs so I can sit up, covered once again in orderly rectangles, now a bit wrinkled under my sweat. I feel my bladder surrender. I feel it searching for safety. I ask him to please find a way to do this treatment into my mouth. He laughs. Hugs me goodbye.

I am sure I can never go back and lay on that table. I want to run. And I want to heal. I need to be angry. Then cry.

My work is to feel it. To be in the discomfort of the healing. In the discomfort of the love.

My work is to ask to feel more special. My work is to go in search of me. My work is to stand still. My work is to let myself be cared for.

Today I am climbing in my van and going in search of me. I think I know where I will find her but I am open to surprises. I know she is somewhere in the space that I will hold to be loved. To be loved with love relanguaged. To be loved even when it is hard. To be loved through the fear and pain. To be loved, to feel special, to stand still.

I am climbing in my van and letting the anger melt into tears which can hydrate my spirit once again.

I will find me.

She is close.

She loves deep. So deep.

When I find her I will wrap her in the arms of the Universe. We will pray. And become again. We will heal.

I will find her. Because I have heard she is pretty special.

xo

 

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hannah nyc

 

Once divided, nothing left to subtract.

~ Pearl Jam, “NothingMan”

 

The decisions you have to make because you are grown up.

A dog walk in the cold when you would rather curl up.

Watching the two new lovers make out at the end of the counter as you order your dinner.

Noticing the leaves turn your favorite orange and feeling the fear that you might have missed it this year because you weren’t looking in the right places.

Bacon. For breakfast and after school snack. And then more bacon.

Wondering who loves you.

Waiting for the words that don’t come.

Hot tea turning cold on the window sill as you forget what you did 10 minutes ago.

The way all of a sudden the weight is lifted from your gut and you can breathe.

Witnessing how beautifully they accept your knowings. And continue on.

Wondering why that person didn’t just listen to you, believe you.

Boundaries flowing in as you tearfully join in.

Laughing so hard as you stand in the mirror with her on her birthday taking pictures.

Remembering when you were 27. Almost a mother. To the child who now hides in her room all day.

Broth from a carton because roasting the chicken right now needs to be someone else’s job.

Becoming your own dramatic darling. Because oh baby, you draw in the drama.

Rearranging the furniture and hanging fabric on the wall and wondering who will be the first to come for dinner.

Laying on sheep skin rugs, naked, praying that your skin isn’t lying.

More pictures. Of your skin and face and belly and maybe even your back. You have changed and it isn’t stopping.

Having them both text you in their own love languages on the night you craved it from your soul.

Setting out the magazines, ready to vision into the next iteration, even though it scares the shit out of you.

Maybe bacon for dinner too.

Cause it is all going to be OK.

xo

 

 

 

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The story of a launch

June 18, 2015

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They sent blue sweatshirts instead of grey.

After returning them and ordering the grey with all the snow, there was no way that they would arrive at my Loft in time for me to take photos for our launch on Valentine’s Day.

 

I get a text from Jenny.  “Hey, so what are you doing Friday night? I have an idea.”

You really don’t say no to Jenny’s ideas because they are always a little crazy and a whole lot of perfect.

 

We agreed to meet Friday night somewhere in the middle of Vermont and RI so I could get shirts for the photo shoot and launch Saturday morning.

 

Notes from a NH road trip ::

Remove bra and shoes 25 minutes into drive cause highly sensitive skin. Change your mind 5 times about where to meet. Get lost in the dark back roads of NH. Remember that time you were pregnant and lost in the back roads of NH and gave birth in a car. Plan to not do that again. Give in and get D&D coffee. Plan to not do that again. End up at the one open and adorable ice cream shop. Yes. Open. Get the shirts in your van. Have a biz meeting in van giggling the whole time cause freedom. Stop at gas station to pee mid drive home. Get the look from all women in gas station when you walk in in leg warmers, leggings and said shirt. Smile. Cause ‪#‎ilovethislifenow

 

Jenny walked into her gas station and got a free hot chocolate when the guy saw her shirt. I got the look, she got hot chocolate. …I mean?

 

I went to bed at 2am after being in the car for 9 hours, traffic. Woke up at 7am for coffee and photo shoot 3 hours before the launch. My eyes were tiny and tired but I was happier than I felt in a long time.

Because dreams. And connection. And #ilovethislifenow.

 

The launch on @coyoteloon via Instagram had our shirts sold out in under two hours. With so many requests for it we have opened up a pre-order on coyoteloon.com and we will get those sweatshirts out to you as quickly as our screen printer can work his magic.

The support, the encouragement and the love overwhelmed us.   Thank you. Because living the life of your dreams starts by loving your now.  My hands are at my heart center receiving the energy you all bring to me.

xo

 

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All the things

June 18, 2015

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the jar of almond butter, thinly spread on the green apple after the nap.

an ottoman the color of joy, puffed up under a brick wall.

the note you passed to the hot guy with your phone number on it, just like when you were 14.

first sips of coffee, hot, bitter, creamy, pleasure.

ink through needle into skin that adores the small points of pain marking time.

 

hot pink laces finally feeling the touch again as they resume their place on the feet ready to run.

grammatically correct texts. and then more texts.

craving being called beautiful and instead getting stunning. cause sometimes it just feels good to hear.

clean dishes.

 

sweet, salty, crunchy pad thai with extra big shrimp and generous squeezes of lime.

tears after the orgasm, alone.

10 strands of twinkles all plugged in waiting for the moment that more begins. here. it is now ready.

 

believing in the power that your kids hold the magic because now they are free to be free.

not making decisions because right now it is enough to remember to open the jar of almond butter after the nap and feed your body just enough to keep moving.

standing still. daily reminders from friends to stand still. to feel it. standing still because setting off bombs was what was needed. now standing in the dust. the rubble. the after.

being on the other side. with skin telling your story of flight and light and home and stillness.

 

all the things that must be in your becoming now.

lift the veil. stand still.

let beautiful becoming stunning in all the things.

run.

the stillness never hides the truth.

 

xo

 

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A story of faith.

June 9, 2015

Sharing a video I made for my magic making circle with you. Because this is how we believe.

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