Yin Yang

Lots of rainy days

See that little gap of the missing tooth?

My teething baby has sent me into nights of much nursing and little sleeping, a familiar story as he follows 2 children who now have a mouthful of teeth. As Chloe has been loosing her teeth she has started to read, taking books into her bed at night and reading by flashlight. Eli pretends he has a loose tooth and sits reading books to us as though he actually knows every word on the page. And the little drooling "baby bot" (as he has fondly come to be known in this house) simply can't get enough of his brother and sister's books, blocks, teeth, giggles, hugs, and shear presence.

He has also fallen for the daily routine of going in or out of schools. He shutters with joy when we get to the classroom of either sibling. Arriving early to pick Chloe up yesterday, I tried to go unnoticed by the kids and sneak to the little bench outside the class. Lucas wanted no part in the trickery, he craned his neck as far as he could to see in the class and when that didn't work he tried to leap from my arms and take matters into his own hands!

Our days are feeling cluttered as we move from routine of school into visions of a summer routine. I am looking for my personal yin/yang...balance for myself and the kids. The last few days I have tried to follow an obvious yet tricky rule. Simply do what you are doing with full focus and attention. Since starting school and my counseling business I feel as though I am trying to do 3 or 4 things at once and never giving my full attention to anything. So the other day when playing on the floor with the little bot I did not turn around to try to sneak in 10 minutes on the computer, I just played. Eli came over and we built towers and knocked them over. Forgetting about the ever evolving "to do list" in my foggy brain, I just played with those two sweet boys and had fun.

Wanting for weeks to sit down and blog, I finally sit down and write. Three attempts now at one blog entry, I will not find time to do my usual editing. I make a list in my head now as the house is quiet of how to priorize...of what comes next in the fleeting minutes I have. My yin/yang meal will come shortly after this. It is perfect for this weather that makes you cold to your toes.

My thoughts are of balance and planning and being fully present...how about yours?

A Mother's Day

I love how a picture freezes a moment in time and creates calm! The kids were climbing all over Patrick, hiding their heads (ok, not Chloe) from the wild wind that was blowing at Casey Farm on Mother's Day. Not great for our picnic but a sunny day in one of my favorite places.

I love this picture...I can't even remember why Chloe was putting her hand over Eli's mouth but seeing the smile emerge from under her hand is so Eli! And I may never have seen the resemblance before, but Chloe and I seem to be sharing a look.

I have guilt about wanting to actually be alone or with other women sipping cocktails on Mother's Day rather than being with my kids. It is after all Mother's Day. I remember making cards and silly gifts for my mother growing up and you are supposed to celebrate with her right? Well, now being a mother I have visions of quiet on this day, of being reflective if I choose to be, or just being able to eat a meal without a baby screaming at me. I'm not saying I want the whole day, just a little bit of time; that is what I will be asking for as a gift next year. I'm a stay at home mom and to me what a nice way to feel the joy of what I do by getting the day off!

Balance is elusive sometimes. I don't eat well for a few days and my body screams for fresh greens. I miss a day at the gym and I get crabby. I'm over worked I can't appreciate. Balance brings me joy. So next year, I will leave the guilt behind and find some balance!

2 Egg Omelette

1 TB coconut oil
2 pastured eggs, mixed in small bowl
1/2 avocado, sliced
2 TB green salsa

mixed greens dressed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar
green olives
salt/pepper

Melt oil in pan, add eggs and allow to firm up, add avocado and salsa, then fold in half. Place over greens and garnish with olives. Salt and pepper to taste. Eat slowly.

Spring Cocktail

3 juicing oranges, squeezed into pitcher
1 lemon, squeezed into pitcher
1 tsp agave
4 ounces gin
ice

Stir it all together and serve with joy!

What's Your Mood?

Good Food...

Good Mood!

Hives and Baby Smooches

No Hives...look at that smile!

Hives...and yes it got worse.

This week hives took over our house, on Lucas' skin. From head to toe. Bright red and purple, swollen feet and hands that couldn't grasp from the swelling. The usual smile on his face wasn't as bright and his struggle with sleep became our struggle. Patrick standing at midnight rocking him in his arms, dancing him to Pearl Jam and finally letting him relax into sleep on his chest.

We are tired. We are crabby. We are so in-love with this baby. As the hives are fading (thanks to the right homeopathic remedy, yeah) he is coming back to his joyful self and Chloe is all over him. Smooching him, hugging him...we are thrilled the worst is over. You hurt when your baby hurts. One morning when we woke up Eli looked at me and said, "Oh good mama, you don't have any red spots today!" How I would have taken those spots from Lucas and plastered them on myself just to ease his pain.

A new week greets us tomorrow. A happier baby. A cleaner house. A mental fresh start. We have clean clothes, left over salad and a beautiful day to wake up to. What does your week have in store for you?

Weights and Salad

I am finally getting myself back into the gym. I am an exercise procrastinator. Even as I am driving to the gym, drinking my hot tea I am saying to myself, "Just do 15 minutes of cardio and then go home." Well, I do the 15 minutes and all the while I'm talking myself out of doing weights. I always do the weights and as I am lifting and sweating I think how silly I was to not be eager to be there. In that moment, I am feeling the result of those endorphins. That is why we go to the gym, or climb that hill or get out the pilates mat. We are better that day, more alert, alive and of course...healthier!

What do you eat after an awesome work-out?

Post Work-Out Salad

2 cups purple and green curly leaf lettuce, torn
olive oil and balsalmic vinegar
2 over easy fried eggs
handful of raw pepitas
big scoop of yesterday's guacamole

Dress the lettuce in the oil and vinegar. Top with remaining ingredients. Season with salt and pepper. Enjoy after a big glass of lemon water.

For The Love of Blog

Truffle recipe on Little Bird Herbs chirpblog

Blogging was something that brought me out of a funk. When I became pregnant with Lucas I was reaching a new point in my mama life. I was feeling like the parts of my past, present and future self were coming together in a beautiful way. I was eating foods that really suited my body, exercising, enjoying my children, in a play, surrounded by amazing women and adoring my husband of then 9 years.

It was that adoring part that brought Lucas.

Even though I wanted a third child I thought the baby would come to us in a different way then me becoming pregnant. Pregnancy makes me very sick and the thought of having two children to care for while pregnant was not something I could talk myself into. Turned out I didn't have to. Here I was, two months pregnant and I couldn't take care of Chloe and Eli, couldn't walk the dog and could barely hold a conversation with my husband. My body was so ill and stressed; my mind was panicked and lonely.

At about 5 months I started to feel better, eat better and move my body for the first time in 3 months. I had spent the winter isolated, alone with my thoughts. I wasn't sure how to start connecting back with friends and even my children. My muscles were like jello and even though I had not eaten much, the food I was eating made me gain a lot of weight. When I was around people I felt panicked, depressed and uncomfortable in my skin.

And so I started to blog. Slowly I started to regain my confidence, swollen belly and all. I love to share my food, my children's life and this little world I live in. There are so many amazing women writing blogs and sharing their little worlds. These women inspire me and give me a sense of community in our shared interests, passions and words! A stay at home mom now can create a business, keep distant family connected with the children and put to use a creative spirit. My kids are even starting to notice the recipes that should be blogged and want to create their own. When I don't know what to cook for dinner I have so many inspirations to choose from in my favorite blogs.

When I was a child I loved to write a report about a trip my family had taken. I would save tokens, postcards, toll receipts and menus. Blogging is a bit like those childhood reports for me. Capturing the day to day and exceptional all together is how we write our family's story.

Chloe singing in the rain.

Eli having a quiet moment with his tea.

Lucas turning into a little boy as my eyes blink for just a moment.

And of course, a really good salad.

Quinoa Salad

1 bunch kale
1 fennel bulb
1/2 beet, grated

1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
salt

Dressing

olive oil
apple cider vinegar (raw)
agave or maple syrup
lemon
salt/pepper

Garnish

avacado slices
raw cashews
pesto

Cut the kale off the stems, cut into chiffanade. Put in a bowl with 1/2 tsp olive oil and rub kale until soft. Add sliced fennel and grated beets. To make dressing, whisk ingredients together and pour over salad. Let sit while you make quinoa. Bring two cups of water to a boil, add 1 cup quinoa and a pinch of salt. Cook for 20 minutes, let cool for 15 minutes.

Put it all together, salad in a shallow bowl, top with 1/2 cup quinoa, avacado slices, cashews and a bit of pesto ontop. Serve with some spring time lemonade.

Hannah's Harvest

As women reclaim their health and relationship with themselves, they will, as mothers, create a future of health through their children.

I am so happy to announce my new business, Hannah's Harvest, Health Counseling for Women and Families. Please take a moment to visit my website and share with your family and friends to help me spread the word. It is my intention to create a ripple effect of health and happiness and support families in discovering whole foods, health goals and many other joys in life.

The name Hannah's Harvest seemed to be the perfect name for my Health Counseling adventures so the blog has taken on a new name, Hannah's Harvest Thoughts. It may change if a more creative name inspires me.

When talking with the kids about what I will be doing to help teach people Eli decided to make a list of healthy foods for me. Among the foods was asparagus (pronounced spa-gare-a-gus!), carrots and almonds...not too shabby. Later after dinner the kids were having a special St. Patrick's dessert of coconut milk ice cream with a tiny splash of chocolate syrup. Chloe comes into the living room laughing that we need to hear what Eli is saying. So he repeats himself loudly, "This ice cream is making me out of control." His first food mood connection!

Conversations of Salad

My friends and I rarely exchange recipes, but our conversations are full of ingredients. Sometimes about grass-fed meats or coconut oil, but mainly salads. We talk about "rubbing" dark greens, the newest salad dressing concoction and describe our latest bowl of lunch. At the grocery store I recall a conversation of salad and fill my cart with the greens, sprouts and fruits as were described to me over a cup of tea. After many conversations I am now convinced almost anything can become a beautiful salad. As a loyal kale and chard fan, I am going a bit wild and trying out collards. They make a beautiful presentation.

Beet the Winter Blue's Lunch Salad

5 collard leaves, stem removed, cut into a chiffonade
1/2 large beet, sliced into sticks
10 large green olives, quartered
1/4 cup raw pine nuts (add just before serving)

Dressing (in amounts of your liking)

olive oil
apple cider vinegar
agave
sea salt/pepper

Dress the salad, allow to sit for 1 hour, add pine nuts. Chew slowly.

Little Book Lunches

Day three of no t.v. and outside is what Chloe calls "a bonus day." The kind of day the kids put on their rain boots and go splashing in dirty puddles. The kind of day you don't need to put your coat, boots, mittens, hats, and scarves on. The kind of day where t.v. would just get in the way so you need something a bit special.

So Eli and I had a Little Book Lunch. We used the book, A Visitor for Bear, by Bonny Becker where Bear and Mouse end up in front of the fire sipping tea and sharing a lovely breakfast. All you need is a good book filled with food for inspiration, a recipe hidden among the pages. Children's books are full of hidden recipes. Ours was a tea party of sorts, with bread and cheese and sweet tea. We used a wonderful goat cheddar and added pears and cucumbers to our feast. A candle became our fire and we settled into our roles as Mama Bear and Eli Mouse. Our visitor was Lucas who had his own sweet milk for his lunch!

My hope for no t.v. 6 days a week is that by the time we get to Sunday we'll be having too much fun to remember we can turn it on. Stay tuned!

February Flu

Ok, we are sick. The baby is sick, Eli is sick, and yes mama is sick. I remember my mother saying, "It is easy to take care of a sick child, hard to take care of them as a sick parent." This is true. It actually hurts to hold the baby.

We are doing the broths, garlic, miso, teas, kombuchas and the baby is nursing steadily. Do you know the feeling when you have the flu and even your teeth hurt? You've put on three layers of warm and are still shivering...that's where we are. It came just after Eli had his tonsils out, which has been a remarkable transformation for all of us.

Eli's tonsils were so big he had sleep apnea. He would snore heavily as he slept and every few minutes he would stop breathing for a few seconds, then startle and the cycle would continue. He climbs into our bed at some point during most nights, but even in his own bed I would be aware of his breathing all night long... listening, waiting, listening, waiting. The day his tonsils were taken out he was laying on top of my chest and slowly fell asleep. I lay there realizing our breath was in sync. For every two breaths he took, I took one long one. He was quiet, still...he was having his first true sleep. After a few nights of sleeping I realized that I was dreaming again. I have not dreamt at night for years. I imagine Eli sleeping now with his own dreams finally finding him in his sleep. Perhaps he is Super Eli flying into the sky on an ice cream sandwich space ship out defeating the evil kale monsters. Maybe he is on the playground with his buddies from school and they are throwing purple snowballs and building snow forts as tall as the trees. Never have potential dreams been so sweet!

Both boys are slumbering now so I thought I'd share the broth that we have been making, drinking in big mugs and warming up with.

4-5 cups of chicken broth
strip of kombu
3 cloves of garlic, smashed
4 leaves of kale, torn
1 carrot
2-3Tb or more to taste of miso paste
(dissolved in a separate small bowl with some of the broth)

I put everything except the miso in a pot and just let it simmer away on the stove. When we are ready to drink it, I add the miso to the strained broth. Other add ins to your own bowl could be tamari, saracha sauce, black pepper or for a heartier meal add some cooked fish or chicken, brown rice and veges.

WOW

The first weekend at The Institute for Integrative Nutrition has come and gone and I am left in a flurry of thoughts and emotions. And for the first time in my life the flurry is focused and driven, rather than foggy and unproductive. (Thank you gluten-free life for that gift!) The classes were held at Avery Fisher Hall which is one of the most beautiful spaces I have ever had the pleasure to spend time in. The Hall was dark brown wood with gold and gold leafing everywhere, my ideal aesthetic. Filled with mostly women, we sat for three days listening, sharing and building the foundation for creating a ripple effect of change for ourselves and the world through our health and happiness. One of my favorite quotes was from Bernie Siegel, "What do women really want? A life of their own." So many of us get lost in our roles as mothers and wives, or are caught between career and motherhood that we must journey to find the life that is ours. Find our best selves. That is my goal for myself and in my business. To give women not just a life of their own, but the healthiest, most energetic and passionate life of their own. I'm on a journey for my own best life and I can't wait to meet the women who will trust in me to help them on their own paths. The ripple effect that will take place among their children and husbands and friends...WOW.

A beautiful organic restaurant where I shared some lunches with fellow
students. Among other things we had wonderful green tea
served in bowl cups and a garden
vegetable quiche made with a buckwheat crust.

Three Kings Celebration, Spicy Chili and Letting Go

Pink Sparkly drink: One part pear juice to one part trilogy kombucha

Chloe, (in full King costume) preparing for the Three Kings Celebration by writing something she loves about each member of our family on pretty little star cutouts.

The plan was to have a family dinner feast for Three Kings Day, also the twelveth day of Christmas. We decided to cutout little stars from some beautiful papers, 16 in all, and when you received your stars at the end of the dinner you would have 3 stars with little messages of love on them. Lucas was exempt from the writing of messages, although he ended up with 4 sweet stars all his own! Also on the menu were pink sparkly drinks such as a King might himself drink.

I did not plan on the intense sinus infection that was going to show itself in the form of one nasty headache. By the time Patrick got home I could barely see and tried to hold it together for the dinner. However, I did end up in bed and stars were given out in the morning. To quote Patrick, "Why didn't you just tell me you didn't feel well?" Who likes to let go of a great plan? Not me.

Moving onto Chili. Patrick makes a great chili. The other day he made a phenomenal chili. It was spicy and rich and with the right wine...! We had a bottle of wine that was a Christmas gift and it was our favorite yet. If you can find it, indulge. Chateau Martinet, St Emilion Grand Cru 2003, Bordeaux blend.

Spicy Black Bean and Beef Chili
Make this early in the day so it can simmer on the stove.

1 1/2 pounds of beef stew meat(grass-fed if you can get it) trimmed of fat and cut into bite sized pieces

1 red onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 red pepper, diced
1 green pepper, diced
1T chili powder
1T cumin
1t cayenne (this is a lot, add 1/2 if it sounds too spicy)
1 large can diced tomatoes
1 cup of organic beef broth
2 cans of black beans strained and rinsed

Brown the meat in a small amount of olive oil, remove onto a paper towel. Saute the onion until soft, add garlic and peppers for about 5 minutes. Add spices and saute for another minute. Add the meat back in as well as the remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer covered for 2 hours. Easy! Top with avacado, cilantro, some nice raw cheddar cheese and if you wish, some corn chips on the side.

Lucas and Mr. Mouse

Lucas and Mr. Mouse meet for the first time...though Mouse has been waiting.

Arms outstretched in preparation for hand shake.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Mouse sir, I do wish I could taste you."

Triumph!

Sharing with you some of our holiday season...yearly tradition
of horse carriage rides on the parkway,

...new jammies,

...terribly posed picture under the tree,

...presents you can't return to the store,

...creative endeavors despite strep throat round two!

Happy Holidays and much love to our family and friends.

'Tis the Season...

Self-Portrait

There comes a time after having a baby when you realize the weight is no longer falling off. Those last pounds are yours and all the nursing in the world isn't going to win the battle over the chocolate, the heaping teaspoons of honey in your morning (and afternoon) tea, or the little baked good addiction that has developed. Oh making milk gives us mamas such a sweet tooth.

The time for me came when I stepped on a scale today and was slightly shocked at the number before me. So the time has come and the bonus will be fitting back into some old clothes. I am getting tired of wearing one pair of jeans and yoga pants in every shade of black and gray. I'm going to be nabbed for the show "What Not To Wear" if I keep wearing gym clothes with nice tops and jewelry.

Timing is good for this since school starts in one month. One month!!!!! So today I am making 10 rules for myself and I will start Sunday. (Grocery shopping is on Saturday, ok!) I also like to sneak in a few little bites of things I'm going to miss while watching the weight fall off. Think coconut milk ice cream.

1. Drink water, kombucha and decaf green tea during the day.

2. Start the day with a big yummy protein and vege packed breakfast, along with vitamins.

3. Nuts, olives and hummus and veges for snacks.

4. Lunch eaten without a baby in my lap, must include a salad of some sort.

5. Dinner also without a baby in my lap, when I am calm and relaxed, possibly after the kids have gone to bed.

6. Glass of red wine and a piece of dark chocolate allowed.

7. Take a walk every day.

8. Pilates DVD 2x a week.

9. Remove all clothes that do not currently fit from my closet and dresser so I don't feel bad every time I look at them.

10. Dance with the kids as often as possible.

I do really well with rules. I was always a sort of teacher's pet and really could never bring myself to break them and get in trouble. So even though I call it a diet, it's a lifestyle that I've lived many times, just fallen off the wagon with all the baked goods these cold days! I am certain that the most important thing will be to eat when the baby is sleeping. Other wise I seem to inhale the food and never feel full. So eating slowly and consciously, having Eli help in the kitchen with tasks other than baking, enjoying a glass of wine with Patrick in the evening...ahhh, this will work.

I keep saying that Lucas has made us a better family. I am following routines with the kids, keeping the house clean enough to not fall apart on a daily basis and being much more present with all of the kids. Even though the extra baby weight bothers me, I also feel grown up and confident. The pregnancy was such a difficult experience for me, reaching lows I've never felt before, I can't help but feel my family just gets better as I become stronger.

Operation Compassion

I stumbled upon an organization that sponsors Operation Christmas Child. I am not associated with the church, but something resonated inside of me when I read their mission. The goal is to have people pack a shoe box full of toys, supplies, candy for one child, a sort of Christmas in a box for a child who may have little to no possessions. Perfect! Let's rewind...

For the last month or so we have been getting in the mail, daily, catalogs aimed at filling my children's heads with thoughts of toys that they must have. They want so badly. They can't stop thinking about. At first it was cute, watching them sit on the couch circling the things they wanted to ask Santa for. Then it became an obsession with Eli who has never really been bitten by the retail bug before. He would wait for the mail, pen in hand, ready to attack the latest edition of HearthSong. I needed to find a balance fast. I also needed to get to the mail before he did and sneak the catalog into the recycling before he saw it. Then came Operation Christmas Child. I sent out an e-mail that night to friends and was amazed at the response of willing participants. It seemed we all had an Eli, wanting for too much, sharing too little.

So we organized a group packing of boxes 3 days later. What a success, and I am sorry I did not take a picture of the event. The kids drew pictures, wrapped boxes, snacked on the treats Chloe and Eli had packed and made much too much noise at the library! The best part...they really understood the giving, the message we hoped they would take from the experience of putting a toy you really wished was yours, into a box for a child who had nothing. I expected questions to come up that I was unprepared for, "Why don't they have toys, doesn't Santa know they are there?" It is hard to explain to your child that some kids do not have mothers and fathers to take care of them, but ignorance is bliss. Those things were not called into question, they were just happy to be giving and sharing Christmas with another child.

We brought the boxes last night to a church that with our children's help collected over 1,000 boxes. Chloe and Eli were very proud to deliver them, Eli still wears the button they gave him that reads, I gave a shoe box!

Thank you to all the families who shared in this with us. Hopefully the children will receive a letter back from the children who end up with each box and have a full circle experience. If not, they still have learned compassion, which is a truly wonderful Christmas gift.

Time For Eggs

Sitting at Whole Foods, early on a Saturday morning, Lucas nursing and I'm nursing a grape kombucha. He had become fussy and I carried him for almost the entire shop, pulling my cart behind me as we went. If the isles were wider I wouldn't have annoyed so many people. They aren't and I did. Full cart of food sitting unattended, I feel myself relax as he nurses, I looked up and into a pair of eyes lost in memory.

"I remember, I remember," came from the bright pink lips of a truly quirky woman in her late 60's.

(You know the ones, lots to say and wacky outfits?)

"I nursed my boy until he was 8 months and how I enjoyed those times."

(I nursed Chloe till she was three, not a time to announce that!) I tell her we were both having a snack and taking a break...she continues down memory lane.

"I won't tell my son this, but once we were at a movie and on the screen there was a woman nursing her baby in the background and he turned to me and said, mom, that is how you used to feed me!" Her eyes fill with joy and she asks how old Lucas is.

"You'll never have more time. Don't believe anyone who says when the kids are grown you'll have more time. Your time is now, enjoy it."

She tells me she is meeting a friend from online whom she has never met in person and has dressed in black with a lavender scarf so her friend will know her. "If she shows up."

I thank her for sharing her memories with me, pop Lucas off the boob and go to finish the shop. Sometimes those meetings with strangers stay with me. I keep thinking about her eyes and how much of her past you could see behind the glossiness. I imagine her as an equally quirky young lady dressing for a dance in black and lavender, and bright pink lipstick. But it is the message of time that I think about and the connection as women we have through a nursing baby. In a time when nursing was not popular she nursed her son for 8 months. Those 8 months remain a vital memory for her, as my, well years, of nursing will for me and for my children. As for time, our vow to enjoy our life and our kids more seems to be working, less t.v., less fights, and more fun around here.

Just as there is no other choice than nursing for me, there is also no other choice than filling my cart with whole, organic, and allergy free foods. It comes at a cost...and I can't seem to find a cheaper way of feeding 4 people with really healthy appetites. Luckily, we can eat eggs. I am starting breakfast night for dinner on Mondays. It should be a cheaper meal and offers me enough variety so I don't get bored. Think omelets, hash, Benedict, almond pancakes, muffins, bacon, fruit salad. Since there isn't much time for cooking breakfast in the morning I think this will be fun for the kids.

One of my favorite ways to eat eggs is over-easy on top of greens. Escarole is my favorite but what is in the fridge will do, tonight that is baby spinach. Very kid friendly, I tell them to pretend to be bunnies and eat their little greens.

Eggs and Tomatoes over Wilted Greens

coconut oil, for frying the eggs
4 -6 eggs
beautiful tomato, sliced about 1/4 inch thick, 1 slice for each egg
4 cups baby spinach
6 torn basil leaves
balsamic dressing
(2T olive oil, 2T balsamic vinegar, 1 tsp agave, salt, pepper)

Divide spinach between two plates. Arrange tomato slices over spinach and add basil. Dress salad. Cook eggs in oil until over easy, place on top of the tomato slices. It's that easy and really tasty for such a simple fast meal.

Monday nights are also dessert night. Today Eli helped me make a raw chocolate cake. I actually didn't want help and told him that sometimes I like to just be in the kitchen by myself. To which he replied, "And sometimes I like to be in the kitchen to help." No one can argue with that! It's our thing to bake together and if he hears the food processor he comes running.
What was I thinking!

One Last Time

These days I am sitting and nursing...a lot. This is probably my last baby and it is amazing that this is the end of a phase of my life. I have grown and given birth to 3 beautiful babies. I also lost 3 pregnancies before Chloe was born. I have nursed or been pregnant for the past 6 years. I sit once again on the couch, flipping through the channels, watching my baby fall asleep after he guzzles his milk. I get anxious to have my hands free, to cook more, to sleep better. I also wish to slow time, to watch this baby grow and love every moment of it, crying nights and dirty diapers, exhaustion and all... as we do this one last time.

All the while Eli is changing. He is separating from me, finding his own path, looking to always get his way. And Chloe is loosing her teeth and growing her hair and "loving everybody" because it's easier than just loving a few! The two of them fight, yet I can feel their love. He looks up to her, quotes her, mimics her, wants to be her some days. He wants to loose teeth and go to Kindergarten. I want to run away to the country, no schools or jobs, and just watch them run through a field, fall into a pile of leaves and search for bugs all day. I want the trees to be mobiles for Lucas and Patrick to be with us as we picnic under orange leaves.

My family feels so different now, as does my body and my mind. I feel grounded, filled with routine and anxious for new chapters to start. This time as my body sheds the baby weight it will be mine again. I am ravenous, cannot eat enough to feed this baby. Wake up in the morning with a growling tummy. Wish there was a drive-through outside my bedroom window that served omelets filled with avocado, cilantro and salsa with roasted potatoes and veges on the side. Blueberry muffins hot from the oven and huge mugs full of my favorite black tea with agave and coconut milk. Smoothies made with strawberries, bananas and almond butter would be handed to me in a beautiful glass with a long straw so I could lean back on my pillow and sip the morning away. Perhaps the weight will not just fall away!

I'm not sure how much of the life I live now matches the dream I once had as a young 19 year old. I reflect back on that time and find some constants...health, children, passion, love. I'm with the man who once was the boy that young girl fell inlove with. We are in the midst of fighting kids, spit up and empty wallets. I am about to start school and realize a new dream. I'm filled with young school girl excitement...the thought of meeting Dr. Oz!!!!! Oh my!

I often wonder if I'm on the right path and then I see my baby smile, hear Eli say he loves me, listen to Chloe sing when she thinks you aren't listening. Patrick hears my kettle whistle on the stove and asks me what kind of tea I want. "With honey?" Yes, of course, with honey.

November 4th, 2008

Need I say more?

I have been missing my blog as I miss a long lost friend. I just simply cannot find the time. I am passing up the opportunity to eat to make a simple attempt to return to my online world. The baby is calling...I shall find my way back soon.

I feel a recipe coming!

Don't Cry Over Spilt...Tapioca?

Baby number three can make you a bit defiant of the laws of gravity and open boxes of tapioca. My ego as a third time mother has me running around doing any task with one hand when Lucas does not want to be put down. So I have made a birthday cake with one hand, pasta, pesto...I was on a role until the tapioca. Lucas in one hand, open box of tapioca in the other, bend over slightly to grab a bowl and what a pretty little sound the little balls make cascading all over the floor. Imagine the entire floor looks just like the picture above. The good news, I actually didn't cry...thank you very much hormones. More good news, I still had about 2 TB of tapioca in the box and that's all I needed. Somebody pour me a glass of wine.

Eli has been an amazing helper in the kitchen. Most of our projects have been a bust, but so much fun making them with the kids and somehow it all gets eaten. Stay tuned for recipe of coconut tapioca pudding.