The way I see community.

Four years ago I was a stay at home mama, pregnant with my third baby, wondering what more there was for me. I felt lost. I knew that I had something special to give this world. I had tried so many careers and I couldn't make anything stick. What I felt deep down was that I wanted something that was mine, that I could control, design, create, develop.

I wanted to tap into my gifts, my light.

Four years later I have a business that is flowing in abundance, beauty and grace. I also have a new budding business with a most amazing woman and a circle of women who believe in each other. I haven't been 'lucky' (though I'll take any luck that wants to flow my way). I've been working hard, doing the beautiful work; creating connection, building community and trying to show up with a combination of truth and grace.

Somewhere along the line I fell in love with the joy of building community around my work. Partly it came intuitively for me and the rest I had to learn. I combined reading, studying and a whole lot of playing around to see what worked and what didn't work.

Our community is not me talking/writing and you just listening. It is also me listening and hearing you back. It is the flow of our energy and the sharing of our gifts together. I set the table and you bring the wine. Community is shared purpose, goals and explorations. The communities I am part of are warm and cozy, sunshine through the windows warming us when we need it most, lifting and truth telling. Lots of truth telling.

Community Grace is a way to play with community building and creating connections to bring energy behind your words and offerings. Gathering those around you that you want to talk and share with and those that you learn from and could listen to for hours as they share their stories or guidance with you.

What I know is that our words are powerful, our story is where we connect. We make choices in how to use our words to connect, to grow, to show up. There is no formula and once you realize that you can fully step into your light and start to use your words to gather energy around you and your work.

Your community is forming, they are a vibrant gorgeous community, ready to spread out the picnic blanket, uncork the wine, serve the food while the music is played and come together inside of your own special magic.

What will you bring? How will you share? What passion do you bring to this community table? How do you show up as you, in your truth and flowing with your passions?

Gathering is ceremony, celebration. Knowing your own special gift, voice and compassion and setting them free sets you free.

We all have a story to be told. We have a community to gather with. We have joy unfolding before us, compassion spilling.

And so we continue. We build. We play.

***

Learn more about Community Grace, my group program for November.

In real time. The giveaway that became my gift.

What started as a giveaway became story whispers from women in my community. I want to have 105 Malas around my neck to give to each one of the women who shared a piece of their story or offered encouragement or just said thank you. To me. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself. I hope that those of you who joined Spirits of Joy are holding onto it, wearing it, in just the way you might if I could send you each a beautiful Mala. You each touched my heart so deeply. So truthfully.

 Here are some of the whispers:::

Hannah…the pure way in which you express your passion for your family, your work and life is beautiful. Although our paths crossed only a few days ago through your kind offer of Spirits of Joy, I feel honored to know you. What you have created is magical and I’m proud and grateful to be a part of it. I own a Mala, gifted by a treasured friend, so I’m not posting here hoping to be a recipient of your kind offer, but to simply express my gratitude for the gift that is you! I’m certain your Mala already knows where it needs to go next.

Your lovely gesture- and all the beautiful comments that follow- are making me cry. I am so, so happy that 600 women are blessed to experience what I felt in that sweet little office space on Wayland. That Awakening Mala looks beautiful on you, friend.

I love the idea of this ‘give away’ as to me, it feels really special, as it has been so important for you and your family: as a symbol and as a part of daily rituals, which add so much to how we experience our daily lives.

Hannah, the short answer is yes! your Mala speaks to me. Shouts to me. At times, whispers intimately in my ear. Only really because it is yours, and you speak to me.

Weeping here. Hard. I’m telling you that I think that gratitude and gifting is The Answer. I feel like you have just lifted another veil for me. There's so much pain and dis-ease in grasping and holding expectations and “I’m owed that-ness“, and its just so hard to let go of because I’m scared. You, know?

This is such a beautiful outpouring of generosity, Hannah, cocooned inside that deep knowing you always seem to possess of when it’s time to shift the energy. As I learn to be still in my own life and to claim those blessings that manifest themselves in my everyday, I am so glad to have you as one of my “spirit guides in human form.” Thank you.

I sit here crying not only at your generosity…but also because I too am on a similar path…one speckled with obstacles at nearly every turn, and yet, I am trying to find the message in this journey, instead of being defeated by it. I have spent years wishing and hoping, and am now moving on to embrace those dreams you talk about.

***

The only word that keeps coming to mind is humbled. Every time I think it is about me giving I am given an opportunity to practice receiving in deeper ways. From my monkey mind saying, um, who would want a Mala that has been yours, to moving into the truth that this community that has gathered around is full of such love, truth and (here is my lesson) gratitude for this space and this work.

I breathe it in. I am in the truth of this. In real time.

As I have been wanting to launch a program all about community but talking myself out of it at every turn, who shows up to reinforce my work? My beautiful community. You. And you. And yes, you.

I read every comment multiple times and felt all of you, with me, infusing your stories into this Mala.

Christina W. writes, "Ahhh, just reading this post now and all the comments of Joy. As I sit already in a seat of gratitude from you, my smile is big thinking of what a wonderful gesture of spirit this is, moving through you to another. May the receiver be open to all its gifts and may your imprint be passed on through all wearers in the future chain. love. xo"

The Mala will be going to visit Christina on its next stop in this chain. It will carry a story, all of these story whispers. And a new story will start.

And we can all hold onto this mantra of receiving, this is what I am learning how to do, be truly open to all of the gifts when we learn how to accept as gracefully as we can give. Amen to that.

May the receiver be open to all its gifts.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am so honored you are here.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a red lipstick, hot mocha with almond milk, sitting with the sun shining down on my face, loving my husband being home with me all week which is like vacation from the school and feeding duties for me kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

OK, this is my own link but I have to tell you that reading the comments this week has been one of the most amazing gifts that I have ever received. Thank you, thank and thank you.

I love when words can create a buzz, a social media sharing frenzy.

OK, so I've been under a rock, it takes me about 3 years to catch up on music. Love.

I am guessing this will make it to every Friday link list there is. Amen gorgeous, what needs to go on your list?

When people I adore take time to show the people they adore, I adore them even more. And I adore all three of these beauties.

I have been having some silly crazy fun with these two schemers and dreamers. I can't wait to share it. And I will tell you, these are my favorite underwear (I mean panties.

My sweet friend's father. Listening to him made me realize that I have found my art. Writing is the thing that I feel I was born to do. Without question.

She is positively divine and this is a gorgeous way to know in your heart.

This chic rocks in big ways. Meet her and love her.

I am utterly in love with everything about this.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a well at least I have dog food for the dog and frozen pizza for dinner, drinking more water, manifesting the most amazing babysitter for me and Lucas (please oh please), driving a minivan with a piece of plastic falling off from underneath, so crazy happy my husband has a whole week off next week kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

So, let's just start with this.

Amazing find. (This woman I adore linked it up on FB.)

Julie starts this post acknowledging how blessed she is and my eyes start to water. This truth... and openness.

I have enjoyed pastries from this bakery so many times and her story, wow. My Aunt and a dear friend live in Hastings.

Because sometimes we feel like this. Yes, I know you know.

Writers. This.

The beautiful Jennifer Louden posted this book link today on FB and with it a beautiful conversation, "A HUGE danger for me of social media & blogging is focusing on short term pats on the back rather than the work itself."

Time Sensitive, it is the birthday of one of my sweetest friends and a kick-ass coach/mama/woman.

How sweet is this? I love being able to connect the dots from the work I do with the stories behind it.

I really love this guy.

Obsessed with recreating something like this.

And if I lived alone I would probably do this.

Yes, my antlers are on their way. Can't wait to welcome them in. And re-arrange the furniture when they arrive. Of course. No, my husband has no idea, unless he is reading my blog right now. ;)

This Tiny Life ~ Part 2, The Living Room

It is the unexpected moments, market crashes, losses, diagnoses or stuck places that bring about beautiful gifts to our lives via the struggles and the challenges that guide and allow us to find our magic. If we choose.

Welcome to my living room.

I am an obsessive furniture re-arranger. It is lovely to know I am not alone in my shifting of stuff to make space. For years I was certain no one else ever moved a couch or table once, let alone every season. Now I know there are so many others who must move things around to shift energy and create space in their homes, hearts and minds.

I crave space with every breath I take.

Living life inside of a highly sensitive body that belongs to a highly sensitive soul has been a life of practice and knowing. It has taken me years to forgive myself such things as moving furniture around, forgetting that I own a black tank top and buying a new one 5 times, not knowing how to sit in a group of people talking with no one leading the discussion, waking up and just feeling so off that I must find a way to cry and inducing exhaustion after scheduling something to do out of the house every day for weeks and needing days and days of stillness to recover.

I've had to learn to forgive the guilt and the feelings of 'being too sensitive' as a negative. This is part of the beautiful work.

The living room is long and skinny, with 6 windows plus the glass door, 2 radiators and 3 doorways. As someone who must constantly move space, make space, feel space:: a challenge. Every time I'm certain I've found every possible way of moving the furniture another one presents itself. And move it all I do. And then I can breathe. The kids are calmer, play longer.

Change is scary but also brings with it opportunity for feeling new. Moving things in my space does this for me.

I've shifted furniture around even when we had big apartments. I used to re-arrange my dorm rooms and my memories of shifting go back to doll collections. My mom once suggested I look into staging houses for people wanting to sell because I can find space! Tiny house living was not a dream of mine, in fact we owe more on the house than at the moment we could ever, ever sell it for, so it isn't something that has saved us money. This is the challenge life has brought (among gobs of others) to see if I would follow it towards my magic.

If I could move today, get out from this mortgage, forget about the dream of turning the attic into our master suite and meditation/work space would I? Yep. In a second. I would love to be released and start fresh from who I am now, with the knowing I hold and the growth that I have discovered as I've surrendered to ease. Part of the reason I am who I am today, a gift of my house. Every room has its own stories to tell, to whisper, to shout, to hum.

What feels like failure is actually the clouds over our sun. Both full of beauty.

Patrick and I often get to a moment where we look at our choices and wish we could go back and choose again, as the people we have become. But it is these choices that have designed our next choices for who we want to be now. Just as I design my living room to flow with what is happening in our family, now.

When the boys need more open space or the season pushes us outdoors, each placement of furniture changes. As Chloe started to express the desire for her own room, we moved the table into the living room and put our bed in the little dining room. My shins are banged up because at night when I get up to pee there is very little room to walk around the bed. I dream of that attic space some day and know that giving Chloe her room was making space for her to grow up.

Baskets are sorted. Pillows are bursting with pattern and color. Furniture is soft and only sort of nice, I have two boys and a dog and they will beat up your stuff. Patrick walks through the front door each night and I get to decide how I will greet him. With the gratitude for what I have or the exhaustion from what I struggle with. I want to open the door with a kiss and acceptance the most. To meet him with grace. Often the tired lady opens the door and forgets to smile.

Grace is a way of living, it is a shift into living with elegance, softness, ease, love, kindness and flow.

This tiny life can make it hard for me to show up inside of that gratitude for what is.

This is why we make space. This is why we connect to our heart center. This is why we have to find moments to snuggle and cuddle even in the smallest of living rooms. My joy is my now. My now gets to dream of what is next.

***

Part 1 ~ This Tiny Life, The Kitchen

There is a story behind every program, every offer, every blog post, newsletter or picture of mine. Or of yours. I live for the story. I breathe the story. Story is my muse. The Making Space Cleanse is one such story. A story of falling in love with the life we have so that we can live the life of our dreams. This little 10 day program is the heart of how I strive to live, to create, to guide.

This is about the tattoo.

The picture that confirmed deep inside that I would get a tattoo, actually a series of tattoos, was this gorgeous photo. The class, the boho, the softness, the fierceness. Yes, this is who I truly believe I am in my soul. I felt a kin-ship with this woman I had never met, I felt the calling to express myself and mark time; confirmed in one glance.

So I pinned it. Stared at it. Thought about how I would translate it into my spirit.

I learned everything I know about manifesting from two sources. My vision boards and feathers. I am on the newness of the manifesting realm and every time I find a feather I feel as though I am apprenticing with a master, the Universe, a goddess, a guru. I find feathers because I focus on them, I believe in them, I know that they will show up. My home overflows with them.

The feather is the gift from the bird.

I am not impulsive. I wanted my nose pierced in college and finally did it when I was going through a crazy time in my life, three kids, feeling completely brave and more like myself than ever before. 16 years later.

I thought about this tattoo and if I could really be OK with the permanence for years. I rearrange furniture every month, how could I believe I would still want this marking after a month, or two days? I thought about my friend's tattoo on her wrist. I have loved it since I met her when our first babes were not even 2 years old. I still love it. It is one of my favorite parts of her because it feels familiar, safe, bold and soft all at once. Another friend, mama who entered my world at the same time has my most favorite tattoo that she designed and it extends from the middle of her back out onto her shoulders. It is divine like she is. When I see it I feel her essence even more.

As my 38th year approached Patrick said, "I'm getting you a tattoo for your birthday, so time to decide." Shit. Decide and commit? Not me. A feather, a word, a symbol...back and forth. I kept going back to that beautiful picture of the woman sitting on the bench, smoothing her hair. And then one day I saw the bird. The sweet little sparrow, classic, free, soaring, gentle.

The bird who gives me these lesson in abundance each time I find her feathers.

 A symbol of spirit, connection (my superpower), softness, love, beauty, desire, being fiercely me. I will add a few soft arrow bands around my arm soon to complete the vision I set out to meet. I am proud of my mama self for being brave. Taking a risk. Sitting down with an incredible soul who talked with me about living in the now while he drew my lifelong bird friend on my wrist.

This is the gorgeous life. Feeling so like yourself, opening up new words for the story. Because the story is the best part.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a praying for ease, meditating on ease, dreaming of ease, sending blessings of ease, stirring ease into my decaf so I might be greeted with a slow day, a day that I need to feel so not-so-out-of-control kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Seriously, read the description of this beauty! Love it.

Sas stepped into the ease. It is part of her magic.

This will make your mind all gooey and mushy and then you will sigh because it really is so beautiful. {via Alicyn}

I profess my love for Vivienne.

“I am not a lucky person, I’m a blessed person” ~Lovetta Conto

This is just funny. I love Instagram ya'll. {via Christy}

***

Sending you all with blessings for a beautiful weekend. xo

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a shocked that I didn't blog this week but wrote a lot in my head, feeling the space of Fridays, waiting for bacon to arrive for breakfast while realizing I planned nothing for dinner (oh no) kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

Discovering Amelia through Amanda today. In my still found her still.

I've been looking for women who are writing about marriage. Like the real stuff. And the gratitude.

Watching Legend of Korra season finale yesterday I was in tears, (partly because we were obsessed with Avatar and having it back is joy) Aang says, "When we are at our lowest is when our greatest change can come." Just sayin' people, this show is really where any of my wisdom comes from!

I'm a quote girl. I so relate to every word and I loved meeting Vivienne in July.

Chloe turns 10 soon and her face started to break out. She dabbed this on that I bought for my dry skin and in one day her face was more smooth. A preteen secret weapon.

I'm just going to call him my soul-brother. You'll see.

I adore when women come together to teach, to guide, to share.

This is perfection for the Leo New Moon today, prompting us to use our voice, find our creative.

I've been thinking so much about this, the pauses - do we have too many, do we not do enough? I don't have an answer, but I have the questions.

Just plain fun, my handwriting is crazy, but I am really liking the idea of this.

Have you seen that Mamacoach Circle has a home now? It is gorgeous, a beautiful color story and just as we have allowed the business to evolve so shall our online home.

I am searching for an oversized bag. I love this one and this one. Still looking...

Um, where have I been. Freaking loving this blog.

What will you choose?

Joy is a sparkle inside. It tickles, it tingles, it plays. It is like the breeze blowing through your hair, and the sun shining down on you. It is dancing or a calm breath.

Joy can live inside of you, at all times. It is your option. Joy draws others to you, they are attracted to your sparkle. Joy does not mean you do not feel sadness or fear or pain or disappointment. Joy means that you feel extra, joy cushions you through the tough times.
It's time. For whatever you want. How are you going to get there?

By choosing joy.

The Universe is responding, but it takes doing the work and feeling the stuff and moving into the joy. I want you to set an intention. Saying I want more joy is beautiful, but we need to be specific.

We need to tell the Universe we know exactly what we are going for.

***

First email went out this morning, you can continue to sign up throughout the week and then we will be closing up the sign ups. All previous emails will be archived and available to you.

The tribe gathered is beyond my wildest expectations of women to have the honor of guiding.

What will you choose?

Behind the Scenes of Not Knowing

Munching cookies and strawberries the other night with this beauty I found myself talking about the importance of not knowing. Not knowing that kale is not just a garnish on the side of a plate, you can eat it. Not knowing how to re-size a picture or publish a post.

Not knowing how to use your voice, stuck.

Not knowing how to take your dreams and turn them into a business. That jittery, exciting time full of fear and magical potential.

And remembering all the things that once we didn't know.

The women of The Joy Up Tribe Alumni Group are making my heart soar right now. They are offering to sponsor other women in the tribe who don't have $45 to join the program. I'll tell you more about this as I tell you about not knowing and then knowing, really knowing.

A year ago the joy up was born. It was an idea that over a few months went from simply a name into a program that would bring over 200 women together. While it wasn't for everyone, it was available to any woman. I was positioning my business to go from Health Coaching into Holistic Life and Business Coaching and I wanted to grow my tribe.

Big dreams are great, but if you don't take the actions to support them, you still only have dreams.

I found it really hard to tag a price on a program about joy. The fears too, maybe no one will resonate with it, maybe this is a silly idea.

In my heart, I knew that not knowing was where I needed to be. Just like learning to move kale from garnish to salad, a world was opening up to me. A large community of women, taking my programs from 30 or so into the hundreds. I was ready to do the work.

The Joy Up started as 10 days, pay-what-you-can. A core group of women formed around the soulwork and my life hit crazy. I had no idea what holding the energy of that many women would be like. I was not prepared for emails telling me that their lives had changed because of 10 days. I knew I could explain joy and why we must choose it, even in the face of sadness or lack, but I had no idea.

I couldn't eat. I cried a lot. (I did this in quiet mostly because while you can share this a year later once you've learned to hold that kind of energy, you can't talk about it while you are in it.)

We think that those little tastes of growth and success will taste sweet, but usually they are more like unsweetened dark chocolate. You know somewhere inside of it all you like the taste, but don't know how to get to it. My husband and I had the 'opportunity' in all of the emotion to work on our stuff.

Each time The Joy Up program ran after that, I followed my intuition. I kept it pay-what-feels-good, built my tribe even more and the emails from the tribe became more intense. From making decisions to leave abusive marriages to pursuing a new career. All on the basis of 'Joy is a Choice.'

Letters would come in the mail with feathers falling out of them, I have now had about 6 or 7 of these. These women who knew how much I loved feathers were forming a community based on joy and love and support.

During one of the program runs I received $100 from a woman in the tribe. I sent her an email that told her she took my breath away, and asked if she meant to send that? She replied, "Now you know how I feel each morning with your Joy Up emails."

A sweet online friend sent $200 as her contribution to the program and my work. Knowing.

The year of building this community was beyond amazing. The first Joy Up was shared over 600 times on social media. It was humbling and intense.

The Joy Up continues after the (now) 30 days. A private community on FB allows women to stay connected and I pop in and out as I need to. A true community inside of a somewhat crazy online world.

After a year I wasn't sure what to do with this program. Do I turn it into an ebook, offer something new and different, keep going? Could I keep creating new material or do I re-purpose? I let my intuition play around and talking with husband he said, "I just don't think it is over yet."

While I agreed I knew that I would need to allow it to evolve.

I needed to finally price it, close the tribe a bit in numbers while increasing its value, and still allow women who wanted access a way to do so regardless of their financial situation. There have been times in my life when $45 meant feeding my family or buying gas. I also really wanted women to value this work they were doing and invest in themselves. The Joy Up is about changing your life, sparkling with the butterflies and stepping into abundance.

We have watched women who started the program go from broke to abundant. Who are now sponsoring other women to join.

The program this time is priced with an option to join with a soul-sister. Many women are inviting their best friends or sisters to journey with them.

I wrote a little note on the tribe's alumni page. There are scholarships available if you are not able to afford the program but wish to continue on the journey with us.

From then on women in the tribe have been asking me about sponsoring a soul-sister on the journey. The outpouring has been incredible. We have had about 10 women sponsored and more sponsors waiting to help.

There is all sorts of magic inside the not knowing if we trust enough to allow ourselves to know.

***

We start August 1st. Join us.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a rethinking some choices, feeling oh-so much, packing for a camping trip with my mom squad families -without Patrick (yikes), post panic attack chilling, bacon for breakfast and grateful for summer camp for two out of the three of the kiddos kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

This is the World Domination Summit version. My final post on an amazing weekend in Portland. I share so much of this with you because I am consumed with thinking about how we must create our own communities. We did that with Mamacoach Circle and I strive to do that here on Mama Space. But I want more. I have big dreams for inviting what I want to be surrounded by into my life. I want you to dream this way. Create what you long for. Thank you for being here and part of this community. My heart is so happy you are here.

I take terrible notes, luckily some people take beautiful ones. By the way Kate is actually more gorgeous in real life than online. Just so you know.

Look at those beautiful faces. In magical places. Right?

Being with people who make us feel loved, whole and beautiful is kind of exactly what I'm going for in this life of mine.

The post is awesome, but the way her site is looking is giving me so much inspiration for how we keep evolving. Liz, it is gorgeous.

This moment. Yes.

The most amazing thing is that we all have our own experience and I want to honor that it is different for each of us.

The hardest part of this conference for me was saying the name to other people who don't know what it is about. What she said.

Um, hell yes.

My dinner partner for many nights, she is filled with inspiration for all of us.

A highlight of my trip, finally got my Chris hug. So much of where I am I owe to this man.

And from the man where all of this came from, in his own words.

There were so many posts from the weekend, please share a link if you have one for all of us! xo

Those First Moments

The first moments alone I cried.

I needed to process the being alone part. In a gorgeous hotel, that I paid for from my business, allowing me to travel, dine, flow around at my will.

I feel different. For the last two years I've been trying to integrate that difference into how I feel when I'm at home, in my small space with noise levels that only three kids can make.

I stood up at my very first business/change your life conference two years ago, with tears in my eyes, and asked, "How do we integrate who we are in our work with who we are at home, because they feel like two very different people who are always mad at the other one."

What I didn't realize then was that this would become such a huge part of my work. My talks and emails with clients talking about how we often feel like fakes, as though what we talk and write about is off from how we live. Usually those of us with families, children or a whole lot of overwhelm.

Teach what you are learning, passionate about, heart soaring excited for.

I feel the most like myself when I'm writing, sitting and listening to someone, snuggled up with Patrick or reading quietly to one of my kids. I feel at peace and calm on the beach alone or with all the kids running loose. In the car driving, long and far, I connect to me. Skyping with a client or on the other end of Instagram. Cooking anything in a clean kitchen. Alone in my home. In the sun. My feet dirty in the garden. Here, writing. Surrounded by my favorite women.

I feel in the truth of how I need to be.

When I write, I forget about all else, I just let my feelings integrate onto paper. As close as I can figure, this is when I feel safe and calm.

But I get angry. I fight with Patrick, lose my patience 134 times a day with my kids, hold old baggage with family and friends that I'm learning to accept as simply part of being human.  I question if marriages really can last, if I'll ever be 130 pounds again or if anyone really likes me. My feelings get hurt and I have a hard time releasing it and moving back into a space where it feels safe to be there.

I get panicked when I think how much more I could be doing and all that I am doing. Those moments of not being present leading us into sabotage. I forget to tag my posts, have no clue about SEO and feel a deep desire to rebrand all of me.

I also look at all I'm doing and think, holy crap, look at all I'm doing. But not laundry.

Telling the truth is fucking hard. I rarely swear when I write but my three old uses the word damnit perfectly.

Walking into new places is one of my highest anxiety points and I'm afraid of how much I miss out on when I don't do because of it. Part of my beautiful work is learning ways to find the softness inside of that truth. Find a way to embrace the fear.

 And be so proud of all of this.

This beautiful woman whispered words into my ear that I'll keep in my heart, but remember always as why we take a chance on those first moments. For the connection, the deep gaze into someone's eyes, the way their hug feels, the door we walk through that changes our lives.

Those first moments, the kiss, the dance, the walk, the run, the breath, the song.

Those first moments: can I tell you what is in my heart? Those first moments: of truth. Those first moments: we need this.

WDS Magic - Images

* This bed was my most delightful friend. I was beyond proud of myself that my business paid for my trip and hosted me in this gorgeous room on a pillow that felt like a cloud must feel to the angels. That bed was my healing, my softness, my joy.

* Surrounded by a thousand people who already know you and believe in you is magic. This is community, tribe, joy.

* I was really nervous to show up by myself and was wrapped in the arms of Portland and women who let me be me. Completely. Nerves and all. They let me see my own magic in a fresh way.

* Andrea asked us about our superpowers. One of mine is that I get shit done. Our story is just beginning and I adore the time I spent in her energy. Her workshop started a little dream of what I might be able to bring to WDS in years ahead.

* From the balloon hat and ukelele you can see this wasn't just any old conference. Michelle's story is heart-centered magic. Do you know what my degree is in? Theatre Arts. In my heart I love being on stage and also watching those who stand before me. Shining.

* Love this woman. Time with Rachel was so on my to-do list.

* Green juice under the bamboo. How I started and how I ended my time in Portland. If you go, have the Melody juice and anything in a bowl.

 * The first gathering of the weekend brought me this gal, Tiffany. We had on our heart shaped name tags and our connection was instant magic.

* A thousand people up and singing with Brené and Chris. And dancing. And tears.

* I was all nerves as I headed to an intimate gathering that I was honored to be invited to. As I started out these hearts met my feet. Thank you Universe. When I showed up at Kelly's studio I understood why I was there and how my purpose was deepening. Kelly slipped right into my heart and I feel as if we've been together before. Sometimes it is that easy. Magic.

Magic. And damn how I love heart-centered business.

Highly Sensitive Unpacking

I return with vintage cowgirl boots, memories of hugs and laughter, magical moments in auditoriums and holding a glass of wine, chipped nail polish, frizzy hair and the deep desire to start something brand new.

Traveling light was not learned this trip, though now I know you really don't need heels in Oregon. Weird to this East Coast girl being at a conference with the most casual footwear ever. I eventually ended up in my walking shoes. Doing lots of walking. Only one blister.

The conference was one where I could tweet, cried my way through the conference, and have people tweet back, me too - there should be a HSP section in the seating to share kleenex. This is where we connect. Every now and then you need to be in a place where you don't once have to explain yourself or your work because 1,000 people know and get you. Just because you are standing in that hallway with them.

I am unpacking thoughts and inspiration of how to create more of this in my work. More community, unity, that sense that you are understood just by showing up.

Brené Brown will do her part to make the tears roll down. If you think she is awesome, she is actually a million times more awesome than that. Her story telling is where I will spend time studying because it is magic.

Sitting in a room next to Michelle Ward and Rachel Cole we listened to Danielle LaPorte do a Q&A session. She talked about how standing on stage was her persona, how her writing and her work were all part of that. In her kitchen she is different. I needed to hear this. You need to hear this.

Our online world is persona no matter how hard we strive for transparency or truth. The people who have been at the birth of one of my children or the neighbors who hear me lose my cool when the dog tears up my meditation garden know this. Persona is part of our gifts. Use it beautifully.

As Chris Brogan said on stage, we all poop, there is a book to prove it.

I was humbled by the people who came up to me, excited for my hug. I was there for them, how did I step into bizzaro land? I will never forget how incredibly gorgeous it feels to be noticed, admired and loved.

My travel wings have spread. After years and years of having babies and nursing, years that hold so much love and nurture and whole lot of exhaustion, I am flying off into a new world. One where I know how to spend time with myself. Where I acknowledge that I am allowed to because it makes me better.

To make my way on 5 modes of transportation in one day from coast to coast. Dream of the retreats I will someday guide. Feel space in new ways.

Each year I feel like a better person, growing more into how I want to show up. (This is where I get to insert that I got carded in Oregon for a glass of wine. Yep. Love that place.)

I am unpacking the lights, story and joy from my conference. I'm feeling the growing pains of re-entry after having been gone for more than a week. I'm planning outfits around my boots.

Yes, I rearranged the living room when I got back, Patrick patiently helped me, knowing that this was how I process, how I unpack, how I rejoin the pack.

Thank you Oregon for your beauty and grace. I can't wait to meet you again.

***

To all my new friends - thank you for the honor of knowing you, squeezing you and sharing time with you. Thank you for how much you truly wanted to be with me.

The conference was The World Domination Summit, in its second year, sold out each year with thousands on the waiting list. I am blessed to have attended.

Photo credit on second photo: Armosa Studios

Highly Sensitive Packing

I am going to a conference on the other side of this gorgeous country of ours. I will be gone for 8 days. (Eli, my 7 year old will come with me and for 4 of the days will be at my father's house, while I conference.)

I have been dreaming about this time away, or as I'm guessing it will feel like, in deep connection.

With my self. My spirit. My fears. My growth. My desires. My tribe. My thoughts. My space.

Even before children I was never alone. Not really. Alone was scary. It still is.

Not alone in my home, that is divine, that is when I am with myself, but alone in a new space, adventuring, traveling.

A community I have found myself inside of full of introverted, highly sensitive, gorgeous beings will be there. I will not be alone.

I will be with.

Leaving the tantrums and fights of the last few weeks, I will not sugar coat it, will be a breath of fresh air that I need so badly.

Moms need that space to remember who they are.

I have visions of sitting in a coffee shop, working on my first chapter, once the conference is over.

I will more divinely know women who have come into my life for reasons yet understood, but completely felt inside my heart.

The chance to miss my man and the other two kiddos is a blessing. That feeling of knowing that you are so meant to be together when you are apart.

I will be stepping into a light that has been carried inside of me since I can remember, and even further back.

Jumping out of a plane or bunging jumping is not how I get my high. It comes from following my path, to going where I am called.

The hugs, smiles, wine toasts, listening with all of me, feeling present is how I soar.

Packing my soft shirts, dansko heels, anxiety drops and tinctures and tonics.

Pulling my hair up into a scarf, bag full of notebooks to capture the freedom of words that will flow once I start to fly.

Knowing that not only will I be stepping out, giddy with pleasure to wrap my arms around these women who are joy to me, but that they are waiting for me.

Packing that red suitcase full of wonder to be standing on the coast that I hold so dear in my heart.

Standing on her soil, remembering her warmly, like the days of the embrace of your first love.

I'm packing.

*** *** ***

I will be attending the World Domination Summit this year, a huge, huge thank you to my friend and tech support knight, Michael Marinelli, for introducing me to the man behind the conference which forever changes the way I see myself in this world.

Huge thank you to Patrick for taking a week off of work so that I can journey to pursue my dreams more deeply and return home rested and joyful.

Thank you to myself for taking a huge chance and pressing the buy now button on my ticket.

Let others believe in you fiercely and then join in.

*** *** ***

While I'm away registration is happening for The Joy Up, A 30 Day Journey. It is going to be beautiful.

And They Say {10 Quotes for my Kind of Joy}

Coming Soon...

"You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings."

- Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

"Each day I do the dirty work, the effort that attracts no notice but my own, and in this very place I find the ordinary ingredients for genuine fulfillment. It starts the moment my eyes open, as I rise with the sun to sort and stack the dishes, appreciating this simple task as the essential start to a healthy day."

- Karen Maezen Miller (Hand Wash Cold)

“I do it for the joy it brings, cause I'm a joyful girl. 'Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world.”

- Ani Defranco (Joyful Girl)

"When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity, happiness ...  all the good things."

- Maya Angelou

"I looked a hundred times and all I saw was dust. The sun broke through and flecks of gold filled the air."

- Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening)

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

- Guatama Buddha

"Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts."

- Thich Nhat Hanh

"Joy is a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters."

- Oprah

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, grow."

-Talmud

"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures."

- Lao Tzu

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a loving the no pressure-ness of Friday mornings, watching the kids ride bikes and then run inside from the rain and somehow between frozen blueberries, cereal, mangoes and granola bars didn't make one single breakfast kind of mama. I'm also blown away from all the love that has come my way this week. I must be doing something right.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

This is what I mean when I say 'your voice' and it moved me to tears.

I love a good confession.

Well now I don't have to write this.

Finally got my hug from this woman. And she inspired me to new places I didn't know I was searching for.

Gorgeous from gorgeous.

I am heading to this conference on Thursday, and already have my HSPP (highly sensitive person plan) in action.

I'm reading this and it is all me.

I have the black short sleeve and this on its way. Never have I ever worn anything more comfortable.

And drumroll...here is a tease! Will be released soon...

He Marks Time

Eli turned 7. I started to blog when he turned 3.

I had intentions to write about it, share pictures of the day, I saw it all.

The day was rough, edges and middles. I asked for help. He ended the day saying it was one of the best birthdays ever.

And so he marks time for me. For the transition into the woman I am becoming, am, was.

I watch him grow, feel his need for my love above all else.

And I am simply struck by the passage of time. And where I stand. And what I see.

Instead of birthday candle pictures taken with me behind the camera saying, "get off the table, stop sticking out your tongue" and all the other things exhausted moms say, instead I made you a little gift.

To mark your time with simplicity, ritual and the joy of making space.

What matters most, is how we feel when we lay our heads down at the end of the day.

As I read the boys to sleep tonight, both snuggled up in one bed together, feet to feet, I knew that to be true.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a stuck in the chaos of a technical world I can't control but have two programs depending on, feeling the lack of sleep of the new mama variety yet without a baby, making eggs for supper but I'll be damned if I don't get this post done before midnight kind of mama. There may have been a decaf in there somewhere.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

She is magic.

Andrea posted this link on Facebook and the theme of I Am Enough is one I work with my clients on all the time. This was my first introduction to Vivienne. (I totally just did 3 links in one, how do you like that?)

I have no idea what Britta is talking about. ;) You are going to love her as much as I do. And she is only just warming up.

Every word of this became more exciting and touching. Totally moved.

Julie asked if I was an Erotic Visionary. I answered, "I so want to be one!" How about you?

From Connie, this melted my heart.

I've been thinking about courage these last few nights, I love that it is on Jen's list to heal the hurt. I think that is where my path is going...

Full of so much joy to see Stacy bring this nakedness to the world.

You are so going to want to splash around in yellow and make these.

The day the exact post shows up and sings to you. Karen often sings to me.

Chloe is part of this and Leah has offered all of my beautiful community a little discount. Use the code JOY.

I am highly sensitive with a belly and jeans have never been comfortable. Until now. They feel like leggings. I will need every color.

Don't forget Bootcamp of the soulful spiritual kind starts July 1st. Free to all circle members. Love our circle.

Beautiful Faces. Magical Places.

I am eager for the lists that make their way out on sleepy Friday mornings. Today I am a scheduling this post on Thursday night because the big kids' first day of summer vacation is tomorrow and I'm kinda freaking out and I'm out of decaf for the morning bumming, but we are going strawberry picking with a picnic and I'll just do more work at night now and go find a coffee drive thru kind of mama.

These are my pay-it-forward lists.

My pleasure to announce to you that Jenn Gibson's Self- Love Warriors E-Course opens today. Today! I am proud to be a guide, but that is not why I want you to go check it out. This is heart centered work that will fill your soul, ease your fight and show you how loving up yourself will turn your whole life around. I adore this woman and her work with women that is life changing, no exaggeration.

Currently there are 118 comments on this post. Because telling the truth is so freaking beautiful and craved by our souls. Also, because Andrea is just that beautiful and loved.

I am an interview junkie. Amanda kindly fed my addiction.

From my sweet girl Rachel. And this simply gorgeous interview and words shared from both of them.

Moo Cards is having a free special on FB cards! I just connected my account and boom, the gorgeous timeline Michelle made is now part of my pocket cards for my conference!

Super cool, my sister has predicted this will be my next project...somewhere.

I will be seeing this in July in Portland, and they only have a small amount left to raise, crowd funding, community building...yes, yes, yes!

These two men are among my favorites and together, such shining! Bernardo's smile lights the screen.

So cute is my favorite, we also have honey fox that Lucas and I are sporting on our toes right now (pictured above both colors). But oh my, look at stoned! That is my new favorite!!!

I don't knit, thankfully Etsy people do. And my favorite color is gray! And mocha. I would like to knit someday.

The Making Space Cleanse starts June 21st, summer encore special price. Soulwork and recipes, making space in the body, mind and spirit!